A Renegade's Choice
by JaerWolfe
Summary: Various chapters woven throughout the story of ME3 centering around Shepard, Kaidan Alenko and James Vega. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**_ Irony being a staple of my life, the second part of this didn't make itself known until I'd posted the first part. At the request of a reviewer, rather than post an entire new story, I'm simply adding a chapter and will leave the story as InProgress rather than Complete. This follows It Takes Two to Renegade. The characters are Rache and Kaidan, both renegade.

* * *

Waking was a slow, painful process.

Kaidan groaned softly, his right arm clinking softly as he raised his hand to the back of his throbbing head.

"What the…" He cracked his eyes open looking at the manacle encasing his wrist without comprehension.

Chained?

Kaidan lifted his gaze to the dark walls about him, leaving the puzzle of his chained hands for the moment. Nothing was familiar. Brown and black warred with each other in a color scheme over pipes and mismatched paneling and coils of covered wire. The unrefined look was common on cargo ships moving freight through the systems and none of that explained what the hell he was doing manacled to a pillar in the middle of a room.

Kaidan struggled to his bare feet, the chains restraining but not uncomfortable. His back was against the pillar and his arms pulled back enough to immobilize but not to hurt.

Where was he? His last memory had been of a woman hot and willing in his arms and…

"RACHE!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, straining to pull away from the pillar, a futile effort that focused some of his rage.

Movement from the door at the far side of the room drew his attention.

She was tall and comfortable with it. Her body wasn't overly muscled and definitely curved in all the best places. Places even his anger couldn't keep him from appreciating as she sauntered toward him. Sleep shorts hugged her like a lover while the loose tank top made her braless state obvious and very tantalizing. Auburn hair swayed about her waist reminding him of the last time he'd seen the thick strands free, the night before Ilos his hands wrapped in the mass. Her green eyes were full of secrets. Her smile was pure wicked temptation and for a brief, weak moment, he was glad of the chains that kept him from throwing himself to her feet and begging.

"Did my booty call?" She all but purred coming close enough that the heat of her body teased him. Tormented him.

He had to be sick. Chained to a pillar, no shirt on, wanting her so much he'd sacrifice every Alliance secret he knew to have her. Resigning his soul to those of the depraved, he fought for control.

"Why am I chained up wearing nothing but leather pants?" He tried to keep his voice level, logical.

The slow lick of her tongue over her lower lip was a torture any civilized convention of war would deem cruel and inhumane treatment of a prisoner.

"Better question, cher..." Her husky voice stroked his spine and he ruthlessly suppressed a shudder of pleasure. "…is who put them on you."

She smelled so good. Like woman and sex and sin.

She brushed her nose against his jaw, a flirting touch like the nuzzle of a cat that lengthened and grew more determined until her mouth brushed the corner of his own.

He groaned, low and thick and jerked his arms forward, determined to grab her, take what she offered, lose himself in her until there was only man and woman and pleasure. The manacles restricted him and he didn't care. Finding her mouth, he plunged deep, more than two years of celibacy, of finding no other woman that came close to the one he was tasting reared up in hot demand.

He had to touch her, had to rub her until her throat went raw with the sounds of pleasure. Had to…

The fist hard in his gut drove his breath from him and gave an unwelcome return of his sanity.

"Rache!" He made her name a furious question when he could breathe again. "What the hell?"  
"That was for using Talitha." She informed him in prim tones before abandoning his yearning body, driving him nearly to weep, long legs carrying her toward the door. "The manacles are the same I wore in the prison you put me in. The leather pants…" Pausing she looked back over her shoulder, her smoldering gaze slowly stroking him from head to foot, a wicked smile driving home just how much he wanted that mouth back on him. "…those were for me."

Kaidan stared after her, blood pounding hot and thick in him. He was depraved. He was sick.

He wanted more.


	2. Chapter 2

He could do this.

Focusing his biotics tight about his right forearm, he pressed the energy field out playing a delicate balance between pressure that would break his arm and pressure that would force the cuff to widen at the weak points along the seam where the two sides locked together. Constant adjustment, compensation, had to be made but forty-five minutes later he had a wide enough gap that his narrowed fist lost only a little skin scraping through. Grinning fiercely with his victory he paused for a rest, ignoring the throb in his head.

The second cuff came off much easier and he rubbed his wrists, eyes lit with the triumph not just of getting out of the manacles but against the woman who'd thought to keep him there, he plotted his next move and stepped away from the pillar.

Alarms blared about him.

Swearing he did a quick turn of the room, searching for anything, a weapon, an exit, something he could use. The opening of the door Rache had used earlier caught his attention and he whipped about just in time to see the woman herself come hurtling through the door, her green eyes darting about searching for him.

She didn't even pause once she found him free, just altered her direction and charged him, her own biotic field surging to life about her.

He caught her initial blow, biotically enhanced, on his forearm, the barrier he'd formed absorbing the force of the hit even as he surged his right hand forward in a biotic push, throwing her back. With a skill he envied she used her own biotics to maintain her balance and counter him, stumbling back only a step before catching herself.

Both breathing hard, both fierce and determined, the two warriors faced each other like gladiators of old preparing to do battle for glory and honor. For victory. He clad only in black leather pants, she in a snug dark green t-shirt and camo-pants faded and frayed from repeated washing. Each determined that they would not be the first to give ground.

"Next time I get the hots for a guy, I want him to be as dumb as a post." Rache finally said, the words flung like a challenge.

"You'd be bored the moment he opened his mouth." Kaidan retorted, his eyes lit with triumph at escaping her chains.

She flung a warp field at him that he quickly answered in kind with, the two fields hitting each other in the middle of the room and canceling themselves out in a showering mist of blue and black.

"Depends on what he opened his mouth for." Rache answered back with a toss of her head, her loose auburn hair swaying about her as she began to circle the room, her attention never leaving him.

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at her, going into motion as he matched her stalking presence, keeping the space between them. "Wrong. Or delusional. Take your pick." He sent a wave of power toward her, meant to throw her off balance and watched her cartwheel twice to the side to escape it. "Or should I mention the name Conrad Verner here?"

He saw the quick smile curve her lips and even more quickly subdued as if she resented that brief moment of camaraderie between them. "I'll give you that." Still circling him, she moved her right fist in a feint that he ignored.

Kaidan laughed, shaking his head. "Rache, you've never given me a damn thing. You're all talk, no action."

Temper flared on her cheeks accenting skin made pale by half a lifetime spent in space. "I call liar on that." She hissed before shoving both hands forward to try and snag him in a throw. He countered with his own wave of power, the waves again canceling each other out again. "You'd still be saluting me and calling me ma'am if I hadn't pushed."

"And how lonely would your bed have been that night before Ilos if I hadn't walked through your door?" He answered.

"And how lonely was yours the two years I was dead?" She demanded of him.

All humor left his face. "More than you can understand." His biotic field died completely and he saw the confusion that inspired on her face. "There are more than a dozen factions in this universe I could be fighting instead of you. That I'd rather be fighting."

Uncertain, she paused and he could tell she wasn't sure if this were some ploy on his part, some way of making her relax her guard. That response angered him. Frustrated him. Once upon a time she hadn't doubted him.

"I won't do this, Rache. I won't fight you." He scrubbed the palms of both his hands over his face. "I won't fight myself."

Her own biotic field flickered and died, her posture losing the fierce bravado she faced the universe with as she seemed to curl slightly in on herself, unsure. "I'm…" The word was soft, her expression confused and almost sad. "I'm not sorry!" She finally flung at him, trying to bluff through a blush of shame. "You deserved to be kidnapped after what you did to me!"

He flung his arms in exasperation. "So what, Rache? We chase each other around this universe playing good guy/bad girl until what we feel for each other turns to hate? No." He sliced his right hand through the air, head shaking. "Just…no."

She brought her arms up, hugging herself as she watched him, her pale green eyes large and round. "Kaidan…I don't know…" Her voice trailed off as her gaze fell away from him.

Despair rolled in Kaidan's gut as he looked at her, standing across the room from him but farther away now than she had been during the two years he'd mourned her death.

"Why can't we be on the same side?" Her forlorn question seared him even though she still wouldn't look at him.

"Rache, half the problem is no one knows whose side you're on." The words were said with a half laugh, half scoff. "You're a wildcard. According to the Council you're a dangerous wildcard."

Pale green eyes flickered to him. "So I should join them again? Salute and shut up like a good little soldier?" Temper had the edges of her mouth white.

"Rache…" He drew out her name with a tired sigh.

"No, Kaidan!" She cut him off. "You tell me. Or have you become such a Yes Man while I was dead that you've forgotten the big threat?"

"Don't go there." The words were low, almost growled. "Two years passed, Rache. _Two_. While you lay on slab God knows where I had to pick up the pieces of my life. Two years when I _wanted_ the Reapers to come because then I could let it all loose and maybe…" He let the words trail off as he shook his head, words failing him.

She remained quiet, obviously waiting and then tossed her hands. "I swear, Kaidan, would it kill you to finish a sentence? And if you tell me Joker's waiting for me on the bridge I will punch your ass through the wall, I kid you not."

Color heightened his cheeks, but he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "So much for my smooth way with women, hmm?"

"Oh, is that what that was?" Rache countered, a smile touching her lips briefly before she sighed and her humor died.

For a long moment there was silence, too much needing to be said and no sure way to say any of it.

Finally, shaking her head, Rache spoke, watching him. "Kaidan…there's a part of me that is lost and aches because I can't just turn around and see you standing there the way I used to. A part that wants to know why I don't drop everything and do whatever I can to be with you again. That is how badly I want to be with you." She paused, shaking her head, letting the words hang between them. "But I can't be what I was. I can't serve the Alliance, the Council, blindly and hope for the best. Not knowing what I know. Not with the dreams of any entire civilization's death playing themselves over and over for me." She raised a hand to her head, rubbing her temple.

"Rache…" He took a step toward her, hand outstretched.

A twisted, bittersweet smile was her gift to him as she gave a one shoulder shrug. "Hey, I'm a big girl. I know we don't always get what we want. You're Alliance. It's more than in your blood, it's who you are."

"There are good people in the Alliance who do good work, Rache. I can help them make a difference." The words were soft. "But not if I quit. Not if I abandon everything I've worked my life for. No matter how much I want to be near you."

Her expression crumpled under a threat of tears, but she smiled and gave a toss of her head. "You couldn't just stay chained up, could you? You had to go and make everything complicated." She turned but not before he caught sight of the first tear on her cheek. "I'll have you dropped off at the nearest Alliance base, Kaidan. I'm…" Her voice grew husky. "Sorry." She finally managed before heading toward the door.

He caught her from behind, pulled her tight against his chest, his arms wrapping about her, holding her snug as he pressed a kiss to the back of her head. She buried her face against his left bicep, hot tears splashing against his skin.

"Do you know how much easier this would be if I didn't love you?" The words were almost sobbed, a huffing whisper against him.

A chuckle moved his chest under her. "Yes, Rache, I think I have a pretty good idea of how much easier it would be." His tone was droll and inspired a laugh from her. "So what do we do?"

"There is a perfectly good set of chains behind you that I would be more than happy to put you in again." She answered quickly.

He turned her around, brushing his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe the wetness away. "No." The words were flat, but held a note of humor to soften them.

"I don't know." She answered with a small, helpless shrug of her shoulders. "I just…don't know. You are the last person I want to be fighting, Kaidan. I have so many enemies right now I just really need a friend."

"I want more than friendship, Rache." He said with determination.

"Then leave the Alliance! Leave the Council!" The words were all but begged, her expression full of hope as she looked up at him. "Stay with me. Watch my back, be my lover, be at my side when the Reapers come so I don't have to worry…"

He cut her off, his mouth on hers, had no choice but to silence the words that were coming so dangerously close to persuading him. Distracting, determined to take this moment, ignoring the bitter part of his soul that wondered if these moments, these brief snatches of time stolen while events wove themselves about them, were all the two of them were ever going to get.

Her fist pounded against his shoulder. Hard and then even harder before she shoved him away, her eyes wet, her expression furious.

"You and your damn precious Alliance." She hissed proving to him that she had never lost her ability to read his silence and knew the goodbye he hadn't spoken was there. "Your Council. I hope to hell they give you comfort when they drop my corpse at your feet!"

He rubbed the back of his hand over his forehead, licking his lips, tasting her. "I'm not your enemy, Rache."

"Really, soldier boy, Alliance toy?" She snarled back in high temper. "Then maybe you'd better explain to me exactly what you are to me, Kaidan, because from where I'm standing we're certainly not friends. Maybe fuck buddies would cover it."

"As dry as that spell has been, even fuck buddies doesn't cover it." Kaidan snapped back. "But give me the sign and I'll have you against the wall so quick your yes will end with a scream."

"Prove it." She flung and then seemed to realize what she'd said. "I mean…prove that we're not enemies."

"Rache, the only proof you would accept is my resignation from the Alliance and you can't have that."

"Then we're done." She answered, her expression devoid of all emotion. "Don't come after me again, Kaidan. I won't be as nice next time."

A slow smile curved his lips. "I will come after you as many times as it takes, Rache. You'd better get used to that idea here and now."

She turned and left him, not another word passing her lips.

He didn't follow, his expression hardening as he watched until the door closed between them, hiding her from him.

They weren't done. Not by a long shot.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** The opening bit of this owes its inspiration to a fic done by Made Nightwing. If you haven't read his work, I recommend it. In fact you should read **_Joker's List_** now. Yes, right now. This fic will still be here when you get back. Shoo! Go!

* * *

The batarian's bare knuckles scraped across her jaw, drawing blood and pain and Rache laughed. As quick as a thought her own fists slammed into the soft organs of his gut, first left then right, then left again before she danced back out of range, her eyes lit with fire and joy as her opponent went to a knee.

A tingle danced across her spine, distracting her, making her aware of someone in the room.

Well, duh. It was a quasi-legal fist fight in the slums of Omega where the betting was fast and fierce that Commander Rache Shepard of the Normandy couldn't go the distance against the reigning champ.

The flare of awareness deepened, something in her gut telling her this person, this observer, was more than just a merc out for a good night of watching a human get beat down.

A glance at her opponent showed that he was still taking his sweet time getting back up, the pussy, before she turned her attention to the crowd about her, slowly circling, her eyes darting here and there, searching for what her gut was warning her about.

She found him in the shadows, near the back, the suicidal idiot was wearing his Spectre armor, and watching her, a smug look on his too handsome features. A smile curved his lips and he arched a brow, jutting his chin in a direction just past her once.

A question? A warning? What did he mean…oh, shit.

Rache turned in time to take the kick to her shoulder rather than her vulnerable neck and she stumbled back a step.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

She brought both fists up, forearms protecting her head and throat as she rode out the pounding fists that rained down on her.

Why the hell was he here? She'd told him to back off, to leave her alone. To stay on his side of the universe and she'd stay on hers.

A pause in the pummeling and she took her chance, pulling her arms apart and slamming her forehead against the batarian's. He stumbled back a step and she was on him, her palms on either side of his head, slamming him down into her uprising knee and then, as he flailed away from her, kicking him solidly between the legs simply because she hated batarians and he was one of them.

Spectre armor was a death sentence on Omega. Hell, she was surprised Aria hadn't already played with him and sent the pieces back to the Council as a reminder of who ruled where.

Of course, Rache mused as she knelt on the batarian's chest and began slamming her right fist against his face, if Aria so much as touched a tight curl on Kaidan's head Omega would need a new Queen.

Stupid, fucked up emotions that thought they were still in love with the son of a bitch who'd refused to come with her not once, but twice.

Rising from the barely breathing, badly damaged batarian, Rache lifted her chin proudly, her gaze on that shadowed corner as she spit blood from her mouth onto her opponent and contemptuously walked toward her side of the make-shift arena once more.

The moans of the crowd, the swearing and arguing began to quiet as Kaidan pushed his way through them, his eyes on her, seemingly oblivious to the ugly and hostile nature some of the worst lowlifes in the universe were directing toward him, toward the logo on his breast.

Idiot. Did he think his Spectre status was going to give him any help here on Omega? He couldn't have drawn a better target on his chest if he'd tried and the first asshole that went after him was going to enjoy their last sight in existence being that of a pissed off human female with a very bad attitude.

"You're an idiot." She told him snagging her worn tee from where she'd tossed it over a low wall.

"I'm not the one who just went seven rounds with a juiced up batarian." Kaidan responded as she wiped the blood from her face onto the tee before studying the red stain and then shrugging as she pulled the shirt on over her sweat soaked sports bra.

"Juiced up?" She asked, her attention on her peripheral vision and the mood of those watching.

"Yeah. It's well known that Udynius, the turian who sets these matches up, drugs his fighters. Keeps them just this side of berserking, they feel no pain and are nigh on unbeatable." Kaidan's dark eyes flickered over to the batarian bleeding on the ground still. "You weren't favored to win. In fact, Udynius offered a bonus if your opponent killed you."

Rache frowned and considered going back and finishing the job on the numb-nuts who'd gone up against her.

"We need to talk." Kaidan drew her attention again, his expression revealing nothing.

"What? No Talitha this time to sucker me into a trap?" Rache snorted and shook her head. "You and I have nothing to say to each other."

"Admiral Hackett sent me. He said it's time." Kaidan delivered the message without a change of expression, simply looking at her. "Admiral Anderson will meet us at the Normandy. We've already taken custody of your ship…"

Shock speared through the mouthy comeback she had prepared and had Rache's jaw dropping. "You did _what?_"

A slow smile curved his lips. "The Normandy is now an Alliance ship. Most of your crew have been detained…"

She didn't remember thinking, didn't remember moving. Her first conscious thought was a brief wonder of what was Kaidan doing on the ground and why did her fist hurt? He gave a short laugh fingering his jaw and Rache felt the fury surge through her all over again, fists clenching as she stepped toward him.

"You took _my ship?_" She snarled at him.

"You mean the ship built by a terrorist organization with design plans stolen from the Alliance?" He retorted pulling himself to his feet and wiping the blood from his lip.

"_My_, Kaidan! MY ship!" She retorted her tones outraged. "I rightfully stole it from that terrorist organization and you had no right to steal it from me…and _my_ crew had better be alright!"

"I don't think the mandatory whipping and rack torture sessions are scheduled until next Thursday." Sarcasm roughened his voice. "So, yeah, for the moment, they're fine."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "If this is your twisted way of getting me to come peacefully with you, you don't know me at all, Kaidan Alenko."

A scoffing noise escaped from him and he shook his head in disbelief. "Yeah, I think that's the point, Rache. I _don't_ know you anymore. The woman I knew was Alliance. Even when the Council made her a Spectre, she was still Alliance. Apparently all of that died when she did." He shook his head in disgust.

Rache paused, her thoughts spinning at the pain she could hear in his voice making her unsure how she was supposed to respond.

"Come on. I need to pick up my winnings and you need to think about what's best for you and your crew right now." Kaidan took her arm in an almost gentleman like manner and began escorting her through the crowd.

"Winnings?" Rache seized the word, wanting the distraction from why he was here, what he had done and what response she could give that wouldn't end up with him as a corpse. "You put money down on me?"

He glanced down at her, the smile on his lips a cross between bitter and sweet. "We may have our differences, Rache, but I will always back you."

"You didn't on Horizon." The words were automatic as she tried to contain, to beat down, the sappy hope those words had rising in her. Dammit, she was fucking Commander Shepard. She didn't get all mushy. She didn't let emotion…shit.

He didn't answer immediately, choosing instead to speak to a short turian with ragged and broken fringe who was missing his left mandible plate entirely. They immediately began arguing about Kaidan's winnings.

She could smell him. Past the stale, burnt scent that was Omega's own unique perfume, past the smell of shit and despair. He smelled clean and strong and desirable. Want pounded through her veins, the surge so strong that she swayed slightly. She looked away telling herself that it was just post fight adrenaline that was making her want to jump him because she was over Kaidan Alenko.

Man, she really wanted to be over Kaidan Alenko. All over him.

Kaidan finished haggling and motioned to Rache. Udynius had learned a long time ago that trying to cheat Commander Shepard would leave him with missing body parts and bleeding in a gutter…although he hadn't exactly been appreciative when she'd had his left mandible plate drilled and placed on a small neck chain and returned it to him with a pink bow.

Udynius shoved her money at her and took off.

Rache tucked her winnings away in the belt at her waist, her gaze on Kaidan. "You look different. Visit the spa since our last meeting?" If he told her he had found a woman and the sex was relaxing as all hell, she would kill him on the spot.

Those steady eyes regarded her, an amused twinkle in their depths. "You look about the same. Pissed off green eyes, blood smeared and bruised." His attention flickered lower, a slow journey that seemed to see past the ratty t-shirt, past the battered and torn remnants of the pants from an Alliance uniform, seemed to be remembering the soft skin beneath.

"Is this stupid trial supposed to be on Arcturus?" She changed the subject with determination continuing down the Omega corridor that led to the dock. "You _will_ give me back my ship. Then and only then will I take the Normandy in…"

"Earth." Kaidan interrupted his attention assessing the crowd about them, looking for threats. "Sea-Van. They're holding your trial there."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Rache's voice carried down the corridor. "How many humans have the batarians killed or enslaved? How many have they tortured and crippled? And they want to whine because I couldn't avoid killing some of them?"

"It was a colony, Rache…" He began in reasonable tones.

"So was Mindoir!"

His expression closed off and she cursed the fact she could no longer read him with any surety. "I don't recommend using that as your defense during your trial."

"I do not have time for a trial." The words were snarled.

"You don't have time to be running away from every Alliance vessel that comes on your scanners or from batarian pirates looking for the bounty on your head." Kaidan countered. "And just so you know, I didn't go with you on Horizon, Rache, because I had my own mission to see through." The words were flat, determined. "And I don't work with terrorists."

"Not even when humans are dying?" Rache snapped back at him. "Or are your ideals more important than human lives?"

He jerked her to a stop, causing her to narrow her eyes at him in warning, and shoved his face closer to hers. "Do you honestly think that if you had come to me…come to the Alliance with what was going on we would have turned you away? That we wouldn't have listened…"

"Oh, you'd have listened…and formed a committee and then decided to gather more intel and then put it in nice summaries to sit on nice desks. If I'd come to you, I'd have been dead of old age before the Alliance got clear of their red tape and the Terminous Systems would have been devoid of any human life!" Rache snarled back. "I saved lives because I acted immediately! Yours included, you sanctimonious bastard. You'd be a human smoothie now if I hadn't saved your fine ass." Color surged up her cheeks. "Alliance ass, I mean." She muttered.

A faint shadow of humor curved his lips. "Technically it's the Council's ass now, Rache, and I was there to investigate what was happening to those colonies. You have no idea what would have happened once I'd given my report. Instead you decided to cut corners and go with Cerberus."

"You would have been too late, Kaidan!" Rache shook her head, sweat soaked locks of hair slapping against pale skin. "The Reapers are coming and so far the only thing anybody wants to do is bury their heads up their asses and pretend it's not happening. It is happening! People are going to die and not just humans!"

"You mean like a system full of batarians?" The words were soft and struck with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel.

Rache clenched her teeth, the muscles in her jaw pulsing as she ground down on her anger. "Oh, don't you dare." She hissed through bared lips.

"More than a quarter million, Rache!" The anger in his voice had his volume raising drawing the attention of those near them. "There are wars that have claimed less lives!"

"This is a war!" Rache roared back at him. "And we're going to lose! I can't do this on my own and nobody else believes me when I tell them what's coming!" She shoved away from him and turned, pacing in a small circle, her hands in her hair in frustration before she clenched them into fists and snapped her attention toward him once more. "What did I do, Kaidan? What did I do?"

Confusion dove across his face like a shadow before all emotion was carefully sealed away. "You killed…"

"I know who I killed!" The words echoed in the corridor and brought all movement about them to a stop.

Chest heaving, green eyes bright with anger and pain, she stared at him, searching for an answer to a question he didn't even understand.

"What did I do to make you stop trusting me?" The earlier shout seemed to have drained all volume from her leaving the words a mere whisper.

Emotionless before, Kaidan's face now became stone. "I'll escort you to Earth…"

"Answer me, dammit!" Rache closed the distance between them once again, her face inches from his, hot breath stinging his cheeks. "What did I do? There was a time when you would have followed me to hell and back. When I could have trusted you…relied on you…for _anything_. What did I do to lose that, Kaidan? What do I have to fix to make you believe in me again?"

His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and he couldn't meet her gaze, looking past her. "Admiral Anderson will take custody of you…"

"Answer the fucking question!" She hissed. "I have earned that much from you!"

"_You died!_" He bellowed the answer surprising her, startling her into taking a step back. "You were dead for two years, Shepard! How dare you come back just as I was starting to get used to not being able to smell you. Not being able to touch you. Not being able to just talk to you!"

Her mouth opened and her lips moved but no words were spoken.

"How dare you come back dressed in terrorist colors with terrorist agents at your back." His head tossed from side to side, his dark eyes boring into her. "How dare you not call me, message me, _anything_ and let me know you were alive. You want to know what _you_ did? I want to know what _I_ did, Rache. What pissed you off so badly that I had to find out you were alive from a fucking confidential informer!"

He moved a pace from her, his hands tossing up in the air, a scoffing noise coming from his chest. The effort seemed too much and his chin sagged to his chest.

She swallowed, searching for words, for something to say, but her mouth was dry and her heart pounded in grief and guilt at the pain that the usually so reserved, usually so calm man before her was exuding.

"I didn't believe him." Kaidan turned his head slightly, addressing her so she could hear the words. "I called him a liar. Threw him into a wall because he kept insisting, kept swearing you were alive. I told him you couldn't be. If you were alive, you would have contacted me. You would have come and found me, no matter what."

There had been reasons. There had been valid, solid reasons she had not done that and for the life of her…hah, hah…she couldn't think of any of them right now. "Kaidan…" His name was a plea and she didn't even know what she was asking.

He turned and faced her, his handsome features composed and calm once more. "You have no right to expect my trust, Rache." The words were soft and punched wounds in her with the power of a thanix cannon. "You don't even have the right to ask for it anymore."

Her jaw clenched so tight the skin turned white and she stared at him with an expression he couldn't quite read. "I don't accept this." Rache said, her voice trembling. "I _do not_ accept this."

"Some things even the great Commander Shepard can't do anything about." Kaidan drawled in tones that were just shy of bitter and settled for cynical.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What part of 'I don't accept this' do you not understand?"

"The part where I'm done arguing with you about it." Kaidan answered. "You died, I dealt with it. You came back and if I had meant anything to you, you would have found me. You didn't. Story's over, Rache."

Rage swept through her, lifting her chin, her eyes sparking as she focused on him. "Coward." She said with sweet venom.

His expression tightened, but all emotion shut down, revealing nothing. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Shepard."

A strangled yell of rage welled up from her diaphragm and tried to escape through clenched teeth. "Then why have you been chasing me? Why have we been dancing around each other in this twisted, bizarre mating ritual like a pair of idiots?"

He snorted and shook his head, not willing to meet her gaze. Mouthing opening as if to speak he closed his lips again, still shaking his head and shrugged before finally finding the words. "Maybe because that's what I am. An idiot. Maybe I read things that weren't there. Maybe I didn't mean anything to you and that's why I found out the way I did that you were alive." A half laugh full of disgust huffed from his mouth. "Maybe it's time for me to stop chasing you and take the hint."

Her lips pressed together tightly as she stared up at him, fury and misery mixing like oil and water on her face. "If I didn't want to be caught, Kaidan, I wouldn't keep letting you near." The words were whispered and painful in their honesty even as she flushed in shame.

The smile he gave her was bittersweet. "You're like a force of nature, Rache, and that's the problem. You don't catch a tornado or a wildfire, you keep your distance so you don't get hurt."

She looked away from him for a long moment, her fists clenching and unclenching, her body taunt with tension to the point where she was wobbling slightly. Finally, inhaling deep, she turned to him. "What do I do?" She asked and seemed to grow stronger with the question. "I blew it. Everything you said was true. I should have told you, contacted you. Trusted you. Reasons why I didn't…" She shook her head and licked her lips. "I don't even understand those reasons so there's no way I can justify them to you. I screwed up. Tell me what to do to fix it."

He stared down at her, the proud defiance in her bearing, the almost physical struggle she was having with herself showing in the clenching of her fists, the twang as she faced him with determination. Her teeth ground against each other but she didn't back down.

Without a word Kaidan drew the restraint cuffs from the back of his belt and simply held them out.

Her eyes went wide as she stared at them, her head shaking. "No." The word was hissed. "No. You want me to believe that those pompous asses in Alliance brass will give me a fair shot? That they won't use this as some political opportunity to get concessions from the Council or try and avoid a war with the batarians? No, Kaidan." Her hands sliced apart in a negative motion.

"I want you to trust me." He answered, the words quiet and strong.

"I trust you! It's those bastards…" Rache began, her voice carrying down the corridor.

"I want you to trust me." He repeated cutting her off, his expression not changing as he gazed at her with steady, calm eyes.

"You don't know what you're asking, Kaidan!" She shook her head again, backing a step away before stopping her retreat. "I need to be free to fight the Reapers! I _need_ to be free!"

His expression didn't change, the hand holding the restraints didn't move.

"You don't know what you're asking from me, Kaidan!" She said again.

"Don't I?" The words were soft but his expression was unyielding. "I'm not asking you to trust the Alliance, Rache. I'm not asking you to trust Hackett or even Anderson. I'm asking you to trust me. The way you trusted me the night before Ilos."

"That wasn't trust that was lust!" She all but shrieked at him.

The hand with the cuffs dropped and he gave a slow nod. "Then we know where we stand with each other, Rache."

"No!" The word escaped her from her in a rush of denial as she watched his features harden before her, closing her out. "That isn't what I meant! It was…dammit, Kaidan! Ask something else! Anything else!"

"How do you want to do this? Biotics? First blood? Death?" His expression revealed nothing as he clipped the restraints to the back of his belt once more and flexed his hands in preparation for a fight.

"I don't want to do this!" Rache bellowed at him.

"Either only one of us walks away or you trust me and you go to the Normandy in cuffs, Rache." Kaidan's voice was steady and serious as he regarded her out of calm, dark eyes.

"Gods, you are so stubborn!" She shouted the words at him.

Weariness settled about his features and he gave her a half smile. "No, Rache. If I were stubborn, I'd still be trying to talk you into surrendering. If I were stubborn, I'd still think I had some kind of influence on you. If I were stubborn, I'd still believe that the night before Ilos was love and not lust." He shook his head and looked away for a long moment before returning his gaze to her. "I'm not stubborn, Rache, I'm resigned and the only things I have left are my orders and my duty. So I repeat…how do you want to do this?"

She closed the distance between them allowing instinct to guide her while emotion clouded her thoughts and judgment. Hands on his armored shoulders, she lifted her mouth to his, demanded he react to her on a physical level, demanding he prove with his body what his words refused to reveal. He resisted her at first and then seemed to fold around her, strong arms bracing her back as he leaned over her, his lips a punishment and a plea as he tasted her. Rache moved her hands from his shoulders, fingers lightly skimming his back in a touch he couldn't feel through his armor, a purr of pleasure and need vibrating from her throat as she met the strength in his touch and kiss and answered with her own.

He pulled back from her abruptly, his eyes almost wild. "No." He said in flat tones. "I won't let you…" The words trailed off as he tried to push her back and found her arms still banded about his waist.

Puzzlement erased desire and need.

Rache lifted her chin proudly and gave him a cocky smile. "Someday, Kaidan Alenko, I'm going to let you put me in cuffs and it won't be because I'm surrendering for a bogus trial."

His hands moved to his back, feeling their way along her forearms until he touched the hard metal of the restraints she'd placed on herself. His eyes widened with hope and another emotion that nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"I trust you." She said finally. "I trust you to have my back if this goes south. I trust you to help me defeat the Reapers with or without the Council or the Alliance's help. I trust you with my ship and my people…" The words trailed off and she gave a half-smile, shrugging. "I trust you." She finished simply.

He kissed her again, the touch soft and sweet and full of promise. "Thank you." He said quietly brushing an errant lock of hair out of her eyes.

"I would not do this for anyone else, Kaidan, and you damn well better give me credit for that." Rache gave a light shudder and rested her forehead against his armor.

He looked down at her for a long moment before raising her chin, making her look him in the eyes, allowing her to see the surprise and gratitude in his face. "I love you, Rache, and I promise you I will not allow anyone to hurt you."

"Bloody optimist." She whispered and sucked in a deep breath, a wry smile floating about her lips. "Let's get this over with before I change my everlovin' and probably mentally deficient mind."

He kissed her again then twisted in her arms until he faced the restraints and began entering the codes.

Rache banged her head against the hard shell of his armored back. "You know, if I'd really thought it through, I'd have made sure you were naked before I cuffed myself to you."

Kaidan laughed and set her free, turning to kiss her again as his hands carefully enclosed hers in the restraints once more before him. "There's always next time, Rache."

A slow, sultry smile curved her lips. "I'm holding you to that, Kaidan." She answered before turning away and taking her first steps toward the Normandy.

The murmurs started then, those who had been watching the confrontation, human, batarian, krogan, salarian, turian and various other species stepping back as the rogue first human spectre was escorted by the Council's current favorite human spectre in restraints toward the docks. Some cheered, some couldn't believe that the capture had been so bloodless. Others, just a few scattered here and there, began to show fear, wondering in their thoughts who would save them now that Commander Shepard was in custody.

Rache kept her chin lifted, her bearing proud and faced them all, Kaidan at her back.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:**_ This is for Chaos715 because without her lovely words I would never have remembered why I began writing my renegade fics. I hope you like it.

_**A/N2:**_ For any concerned with spoilers for ME3 being in the fic, there are none. Although the story is loosely based on the events in the demo I have tweaked and glossed over and outright ignored things leaving at best only the most superficial of resemblances.

* * *

"I trust him."

Her head bounced off the wall of the small room the Alliance had been gracious enough to stick her in after they'd returned to earth while her fingers drew invisible letters of a name on the wall before her.

The food was good. The accommodations better than the prison cell she'd been expecting and she was going quietly out of her tiny little mind from the itchy feel that was a constant reminder that for all that that the room's door was wide open, she was not allowed to come and go as she pleased.

"I trust him." Another head bounce.

Sure, she hadn't seen him in weeks. Hadn't received a single bit of mail. Hadn't heard his voice or his name, but he was busy off doing Spectre things, right? She had been one. She knew what it was to be the Council's bitch. It didn't mean anything and she trusted him.

Another bang of her head on the wall, harder this time.

"If this is your way of trying to break out of confinement I should probably point out that the door is open, Commander." A male voice commented from behind her.

Rache, head against the wall, twisted until she could see who addressed her and then jerked back with surprise. "Holy Hell. Are you going to eat the furniture?" There was genuine concern in the words as she took in the wide expanse of his chest and thighs that were as big around as her head.

The large human male slapped his heels together and gave her a salute. "Commander."

"Do that again and I'll shoot you." Rache bounced her head off the wall once more for good luck and turned to face him. "Damn, you're a big one. What are they feeding recruits these days, anyway? Kittens?"

"I'm not a recruit, ma'am." He informed her formally.

Rache stared at him. "You call me that again and I'll flash my tits at you." The words were a test, a button to push to see how he would react, what kind of soldier he was.

The slight opening of his mouth, the wide eyed wild look that froze his features and the lack of a response meant he passed the test.

"I'm fresh out of kittens, soldier, and I'm partial to the furniture so what can I do for you?" She crossed her arms under her breasts, lifting them, daring him, as she cocked her weight to one hip and smiled at him.

The behemoth in front of her didn't blink and his gaze never left her eyes. "The Defense Committee would like a word, ma'…uhn…Commander."

Rache's lips flashed with a sudden smile. "I like you. You can eat my furniture." She clapped a hand on his shoulder, squeezed and then paused stroking the taunt muscle down toward his pecs. "Wow, these are the real thing."

The strained expression on the soldier's face grew worse, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.

The smile one Rache's lips turned wicked as the stroking fingers moved to the dogtags hanging on his neck. "Hello, Lieutenant James Vega." She all but purred, the mischief in her face unrecognizable to any who didn't know her well. There was more than one way to relieve boredom and teasing this big teddy bear would…

"Why are you molesting your guard?" A familiar voice asked from the doorway.

Every synapse in Rache's brain seemed to leap, excitement streaking through her veins as she recognized that voice but refused to turn toward him. Instead she added a more sensual edge to the fingers stroking the well worn Alliance t-shirt stretched over that wide chest.

"I was trying to amuse myself." She finally answered, green eyes slanting toward the disapproving Spectre standing in the doorway. "By now I'm thinking about sex."

Kaidan moved several steps into the room, his stance relaxed and almost indolent. "That better be because you heard my voice."

"Oh?" Rache replied stepping away from the soldier to face the Spectre. "What am I? Pavlov's bitch to come when called?"

The slow, quirky smile that kicked up one corner of his mouth was as familiar to her as the back of her hand but he added an undertone of want to the gesture this time, his dark eyes journeying from the thick black combat boots she wore up the dark black casual pants, pausing for a long study as he reached the dark shirt before finally reaching her face and lingering on her lips.

"Pavlov can go to hell. I don't want you to come for anyone but me." The rough grain of his voice sent a shiver up her spine and she lifted her chin with a delighted challenge.

"Uhn…I should…go." The soldier began inching toward the door, a strong rush of color rising from the neck of his t-shirt to the Mohawk on his scalp.

"Lieutenant Vega called me. I think I'm supposed to come for him." Rache retorted not even bothering to look at the large man.

"Lieutenant Vega can't handle you." Kaidan answered with confidence.

"I really don't want to be a part of this…" The soldier all but pleaded trying to put distance between them.

"Perhaps…but I doubt he would ignore me." Rache let the anger snap through her words. "I doubt he would demand my trust and then abandon me."

Vega began muttering a soft prayer in a foreign language, his eyes closed and expression pleading.

"Maybe he'd rather you gave your trust willingly so he didn't have to demand it." Kaidan responded not giving an inch. "Maybe he didn't expect that trust to have an expiration date that needed to be constantly renewed."

Anger flowed from the sensual heat between them and she closed the distance between herself and Kaidan, jaw clenched as she glared up at him. "Maybe he…"

"Maybe he only came here to escort Commander Shepard to the Defense Committee!" Vega finally said with desperation. "Maybe he really _really_ wants be someplace else and leave you both alone to work this out."

Two similar expressions of exasperation were turned toward him.

"Please, ma'a…uhgn, Commander. Major." Vega shook his head, his eyes closing in defeat.

"I'll escort the Commander to the Defense Committee, Lieutenant." Kaidan finally said glancing at the woman next to him. "You can walk drag."

"What if I don't feel like going?" Rache crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at Kaidan. "Maybe I like this room. Maybe I'm thinking of redecorating. Maybe…"  
"Move your ass, Shepard, before I put my hand on it." Kaidan stated in implacable tones.

"I'll wait outside, sir, ma'am!" Vega all but ran for the door.

Rache scowled after him. "I was supposed to flash my tits at him if he called me that again."

"If you start flashing your very admirable breasts at everyone who calls you ma'am, Shepard, it's going to take us a long time to get to the Defense Committee." He put his hand on her elbow and began escorting her toward the door. "And I promise you I will enjoy every step of the way."

A snorting laugh escaped her as they joined a pale Vega.

"Ma…Commander, I didn't mean…" The soldier began stumbling over his words as he tried not to look at her, a dull, painful color surging up his neck and cheeks.

"Relax, Lieutenant. I was asked to keep the Commander in line and I will. She will be keeping her shirt on for the foreseeable future."

Rache snorted. "Shot yourself in the foot with that one, didn't you?" She smirked at him.

Kaidan gave her a look and moved her down the hallway.

"I wasn't aware you knew the Commander, Major." Vega said joining them.

"Oh, the Major knows me very well." Rache dropped a suggestive tone into her voice, batting her eyes at Kaidan's strong profile. "One might even call his knowledge biblical."

"Madre de Dios." Vega said, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at Kaidan in awe.

"She's playing with you, Lieutenant. It's one of her tricks. She distracts you, keeps you off center so you don't pay close attention to her." Kaidan said the words as if giving a report. "If you don't pay close attention, if you don't _see_ her, you'll never get near her and you'll never catch her."

Vega's expression narrowed as he thought that over.

"You make me sound like an evil overlord or something. I should grow a mustache so I can start twirling it." Rache rolled her eyes but the sharp look Vega gave her said he wasn't buying her mocking attempt to dismiss the claim.

"I've never had biblical knowledge of a woman with a mustache before." Kaidan answered idly and earned an unwilling laugh from her as his communicator gave a discrete beep. He pulled to a stop, nodding his head as he listened to the message before cutting the transmission and looked down at Rache. "I have to go. Anderson will meet you and give you a briefing on what to expect from the Committee."

Rache frowned, her gaze flickering from him to the sudden surge of motion around them, soldiers and staff moving at quick paces through the hall, and then back at him. "What's going on?"

"Hackett is mobilizing the fleet." Kaidan gave her the information without hesitation before clasping her chin and lifting so his mouth could find hers for a brief kiss. "Try not to kill anyone while I'm gone, hmm?"

"Better come back soon." She responded almost by rote, but her eyes betrayed her tension, her frustration at being inactive while things were so actively happening.

Kaidan smiled and then looked at Vega. "Watch her. She's smarter than you are and she is sneaky. Oh, and if she flashes her breasts at you, I will kill you. Good luck." He clapped the soldier on the shoulder and then was moving down the hall.

Rache watched him go, unashamedly focused on the tight muscles of his butt until the strangled noise from Vega caught her attention. "Relax, Lieutenant." She said with a laugh. "Most people don't notice it, but Major Alenko has a sense of humor."

"With all due respect, ma…urgk, sir! I don't think the Major was kidding." Vega responded.

Her attention more on the movement about them, all but itching to join, to be apart, to do _something_, Rache gave a one shoulder shrug deciding she was tired of all of this talking. She wanted…no, _needed_…to be doing something. She should just send a biotic slam through the crowd and run toward the nearest exit…the one Kaidan was walking through…

She closed her eyes. Her teeth and fists clenched and she breathed through her nose.

"I trust him." She muttered before swallowing her urge to run free. She gave Vega a bright and meaningless social smile that hid her thoughts and rolling emotions. "I believe we have somewhere to be, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir. We do." He answered and began leading the way.

* * *

The bastards. She'd told them! She'd told them what was coming and when it came they were all 'help us, Shepard, you're our only hope.'

The pistol in her hand spat several times turning the head of the husk several yards in front of her to mush and she kept racing on, her eyes tracking the battered and debris ridden terrain about her as she tried to keep up with the surprisingly spry Admiral in front of her. Hunh. Once an N7, always an N7.

She'd murdered more than a quarter million batarians trying to slow this day's coming. To give the universe time to prepare and what had they done? Stuck her under house arrest and debated the legal and political ramifications of what she'd done versus her status as an Alliance Hero and First Human Spectre. Oh, with a little Legally Declared Dead thrown in there to give the whole clusterfuck a well lubed feel.

A scream of pain cut far too short drew her attention to the left and she gave a low oath watching the solider in Alliance blues fall to the ground, husks swarming about her. Grief warred with guilt and both were strangled by rage and bitterness. She pushed a bit more effort into her run, barely listening as Anderson called out instructions and commands on his com, pausing every step or two to shoot blue seared abominations that looked like play dough variants of various alien shapes and sizes smashed together by the demented glee of a two year old.

A bitter laugh huffed from her at the thought of these new monsters being tossed at them. At least the Reapers had put the time she'd delayed them to good use by coming up with new and improved monsters to scare the shit out of their victims in the moments before they killed them. Good to see the enemy of all sentient organic life in the galaxy being proactive. Maybe that was the true pinnacle of evolution right there…the ability to manage time efficiently.

Another scream of pain matched by someone else's terror. She located the source…civilians being hunted down by husks. A young teenage boy was dragging at the arm of an older woman who had fallen, his face white as he stared down the blue streaked horror racing for them.

Even as she raised her pistol, Rache knew it was useless. They were out of range, wreckage and water proving an impossible obstacle course between them and any biotics she tossed in an effort to help would fizzle out having never reached the target. As she watched, helpless, the boy was smashed to the ground, hitting so hard she didn't need the splash of blood to tell her he would never rise again even as the woman finally gained her feet. She managed two steps before the swarm was on her.

Rache wanted to scream. To shriek her rage. She wanted the blood of every husk, every Reaper near her to flow until she bathed in it. She wanted to fight, to kill them. To make every one of them pay for her failure to stop them from coming. Her failure to protect the ones she loved yet again. Only this wasn't Mindoir, this was Earth and the death toll was already much higher.

"Shepard." Anderson had paused, looking back at her. His expression held sympathy but his voice conveyed the need for her to suck it up and keep moving.

She gave him a single nod and they were moving again.

"There's the Normandy." Anderson yelled pointing before them.

The relief that streaked through Rache didn't bear close scrutiny and it sure as hell wasn't connected to anyone with the name Kaidan. Neither was the surge of emotion that welled in her as she saw the airlock open and that familiar figure raise an assault rifle taking carefully lined shots against the monsters swarming towards her and Anderson.

"Go, Shepard!" Anderson yelled at her as the Normandy began to hover nearby.

"Dammit, I swore the last time I jumped into the Normandy was the last time. Stupid Gods of Irony." She muttered under her breathe before lining up her path and sprinting for the open door.

She landed badly, sprawled on the floor of the airlock and heard a soft laugh from the man with the assault rifle.

"You lost points on the landing." He observed calmly shattering the brain pan of a grotesque blue abomination.

"You _want_ to get shoved out the door?" She countered scrambling to her feet before looking at the Admiral she'd left behind. "Come on, Anderson!" She shouted motioning.

The tall man shook his head. "I'm not coming. Someone needs to lead the ground troops here, Shepard. To organize a resistance." He shouted back. "Go. Bring help!"

"Are you kidding me?" Shepard tossed her arms in exasperation and shook her head. "Set me down, I'm not leaving him behind…"

"Good luck, Admiral!" Kaidan called and hit the button cycling the door closed.

"No!" Rache cried out reaching for the control panel only to be denied by Kaidan's arm. "You son of a bitch, he'll die!"

"We have Shepard secured, get us out of here." Kaidan said over his com before he pushed her toward the inner door of the airlock. "Admiral Anderson is a soldier, Rache. He's tough and he's made his choice. Accept it."

"Accept it?" She screeched at him, appalled at the pitch of her voice but incapable of stopping the emotions that surged through her. "There are innocent civilians dying down there or maybe you didn't notice while you were running to the Normandy like a scared little girl! Our duty is to those people! We should be back there helping them, Kaidan!"

His expression was impassive as he looked down at her. "We have our orders, Shepard. We are leaving Earth."

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Rache shouted at him. "Did you donate your spine to science or something while I was dead or…"

Kaidan's hand came up, his fingers lodging solidly in the collar of her shirt as he jerked her toward him, his breath hot against her as his tone grew low. "My _parents_ are down there, Rache." He hissed, the words barely above a whisper as fear and grief contorted his features for a mere beat of the heart before being shunted behind a wall of duty. "And we are leaving." He let her go and turned away.

Stunned into silence, Rache watched Kaidan enter the Normandy. His parents. In Vancouver. They could already be dead and he didn't even know.

"Sir?" The soldier who had been next to Kaidan made a hesitant noise, his arm extended toward the Normandy's interior.

Swallowing, Rache schooled her features before focusing on the large man. "It's the furniture eater." She tried for humor and heard the failure in her voice.

"I prefer Vega, sir. We should go in." He watched her with sympathy and Rache felt hated tears well up in her eyes.

Viciously she denied them, searching for and finding her anger. Feeding the emotion to deny the grief, deny the helpless and guilt she felt. Deny the tiny flare of relief in her that she hated herself for feeling because she was leaving the terror and death behind for others to suffer. For others to fight.

Rage twisted her features. "I warned them. I was fucking Chicken Little clucking about the sky falling while they laughed their asses off. It's their own damn fault!" She stomped her way onto the Normandy, a curious sense of déjà vu fighting her to reconcile the way she'd last left the Normandy with the way it looked now. "Just one more damn thing to be pissed about!" She snarled.

Searching the deck for Kaidan she managed to see him just as the elevator doors closed him off from view. She made her way through the Alliance blue soldiers buzzing about the stations, taking reports, chasing the chatter of coms, ignoring the hales from a few familiar faces she saw until she reached the elevator and slapped the summoning button.

"I'm going to stay down here, sir." Vega said in hopeful tones.

He stepped back half a step when she turned her fury on him. "You aren't my damn guard anymore, Vega. Find a bunk, find a weapon and by any God you hold dear, find me a target to kill!" The elevator opened and she stepped inside turning to glare at him as the door closed.

Vega let a low whistle out from between his lips. "I think you just went hunting one, sir."

* * *

"Oh, no, you did not." Rache spat the words with warning as she stomped out of the elevator and into her quarters, addressing the man who was standing in the middle of them, his back to her. "This is my cabin, you ship stealing ass! This is my ship!"

"Not now, Rache." He snapped back at her, not bothering to turn his head toward her.

Stunned she actually went silent. She couldn't even recall the last time she'd been dismissed so pointedly. Rage whirled in her, a culmination of the last three years since her death and all the stormy emotion that had been building since the man before her had dismissed and rejected her on Horizon only to come chasing after her time and again since.

"Oh, I do beg your pardon, cher." She all but hissed the words. "Have I come at a bad time? Should I leave you alone so you can pull the blankets up over your head and pretend there aren't people dying because we aren't there to fight and save them?"

"Not now, Rache." He repeated, this time the edge to his voice was more pronounced and his back was stiff.

Eyes lit with fire, she sauntered toward him, her chin lifting. "We just left a planet to die, Kaidan, and I find it more than ironic that the one who wasn't born there is having more trouble with it than the one who was. Or were matters with mommy and daddy just that bad?"

She honestly didn't see him move, hadn't realized they had until she comprehended that the sensation in her back was from him shoving her against the wall, his frame broad and intimidating as he slammed her hands against the wall above her head.

For a long moment he was silent, glaring down at her, his breath hissing, hot against her cheek. "I get that you like to push buttons, Rache. Hell, most of the time, I even enjoy you playing with mine, but now is not the time and my parents…" His voice broke and he looked away for a moment.

Rache pushed against him once, not liking the feeling of being caught, being trapped. He didn't relent and she finally opened her mouth to provoke him only to remain silent as he turned back to her, the expression on his face stunning her. Hate. He looked at her with hate and it was directed at her.

"We could have prevented this day, Rache, if you hadn't gone with Cerberus." The words were low, the words brimmed with an emotion she still couldn't comprehend he was directing at her. "If you had come back to the Alliance we could have prepared properly and my parents would be safe."

She ignored the guilt based emotion that rolled through her gut, ignored that part of her, a part she did not dare listen to right now that wanted to agree with him, wanted to know what she should have done differently to make this day either never come or help them be better prepared for it. She focused on the anger, the betrayal she had felt when he'd turned away from her. "This is not my fault, Kaidan, and you know it! I have done everything in my power to stop the Reapers while those in power did everything to undermine me and you sided with them! _Against me!_"

"Oh, yeah, you tried real hard, didn't you, to make the Council listen. To persuade the Alliance that you knew what you were talking about." He bit back. "After all, it's not like you have any skills talking people into doing or saying what they normally wouldn't, do you?"

The bitterness in those last words caught at her and confusion contorted her face as she tried to understand what he was saying. "Yeah, my powers of persuasion are legendary. Just look how well they worked getting you to follow me on Horizon." Sarcasm dripped from her voice and she gave a sudden shove with her hands, more in frustration than an attempt to escape. "You want to blame me because no one would listen when I told them what was coming? That's fine. You do that. But you damn well better consider how much harder it would have been for them to dismiss me if you'd been at my side, backing me up the whole way. Instead you saluted like a good little soldier and shut your mouth!"

"Shut yours." He hissed and then covered her lips with his.

Rache didn't try to resist, wasn't even surprised at the turn from words to action. Since Horizon, since the wedge dividing them that had been compounded by mistakes on both sides…hers for not contacting him, his for not being there when she needed him…it seemed talking only had them hurting one another more. Touching, connecting physically had become the only way they could communicate without causing each other pain.

And, Gods, but she needed this now. She needed to not feel the grief and the shame, the heavy, soul destroying guilt that she hadn't prevented the Reapers from coming. Hadn't prevented the deaths that were even now going on. She needed the hot physical demand of his touch, his mouth and teeth nipping at her sensitive flesh as his fingers plucked and pulled and insisted on the panting gasps of pleasure she couldn't deny him.

She needed him. Now. So she could feel alive instead of just going through the motions. She needed him on the edge of control, a place only she could take him, so she could shove him right over and plummet with him. She needed, for a moment to remember what it was like to just be a woman and not a bloody icon with the fate of the universe on her so inadequate shoulders.

There were no words, no protestations of affection or even demands. There was simply the slide of sweat slicked smooth skin against hair roughened flesh creating a delicious friction as each urged the other on, determined to hold back their own satisfaction in a game of wills where the first to give in to the rush of pleasure would be the first to submit and declare the other victor.

She was the first to give in, to lose herself in his strength. He chuckled, arrogant with the knowledge he'd won, his dark eyes staring down at her. She lifted slightly from the bed, her fingers deep in his hair, pulling him tighter against her, almost cradling him as he tensed and then surrendered to her.

* * *

Later, sprawled half on his chest, her face away from him as he run his fingers enticingly up and down the small of her back in a rhythmic caress, Rache found the first comfort, the first safety that she had had in years.

Guilt wanted to settle in. Wanted to punish her for taking time for pleasure while others died. Wanted her guilty and groveling for being selfish and Rache ruthlessly shunted the emotion away, a sneer on her lips and a determination to take the moment for what it was. Maybe try a new beginning and this time find a way to make it work. She was tired of pushing and pulling at her own feelings, tired of doing the same to Kaidan and she was going to show him how much she needed him, how much she loved him. As stubborn as she was, there had to be a way to build something solid between them.

She needed his touch too much, needed him.

Loved him.

A soft chuckle from the man her thoughts were on drew her attention and had her closing her eyes, contentment in the curve of her lips as she waited for his words and the confirmation that what she felt wasn't just one sided.

"Do you know how much easier it was to love you when you were dead, Rache?" The words were husky, the question almost rhetorical and they hit her with a searing shock.

She couldn't find the words to answer. Couldn't respond to the pain surging through her chest, her eyes open and staring blindly at the far side of the cabin as she tried to regain her center, tried to rebuild the defenses she'd been so determined to tear down for him.

"I could gloss over the questionable acts…punching that reporter, shoving your gun in the face of people who piss you off. Making promises and then tossing them aside when they interfered with what you wanted." He continued on, the words reflective and holding the slightest trace of bitterness. "I could remember the good times. You dragging me onto the dance floor at Flux because you wanted to know if the stick up my ass allowed for hip movement. You scaring the hell out of me by ramming that geth colossus with the mako and knocking it into the lava pits on Therum because you said you were thinking of having barbeque for lunch…and then doing it again on the skyway at Feros because you wanted to know if geth could fly." He chuckled softly, his hand never losing the slow stoke on her back. "And then there was our time together before Ilos. Hovering there, always, in the back of my mind."

Rache licked her lips and swallowed, hard, shifting so her hair fell over her face, hiding her. She coughed slightly and made to move off the bed. "I should go." The words were husky, but she managed to get them out.

He didn't let her leave. The stroking hand on her back shifted to her hip, holding her, turning her toward him.

"You are never still. The only times you're calm are right before the storm and when it hits, you have this terrifying intensity about you that declares just how willing you are to do whatever it takes to succeed." He used a finger to stroke her hair away from her face, unsurprised to find the tears silently rolling down her cheeks, her eyes anywhere but on him. "It's that intensity that draws people to you, Rache. Makes them willing to die for you. Me included."

She gave a half shoulder shrug, her eyes rolling, her expression full of emotion. "Kaidan, right now I don't even think you like me." The words were scoffed and she used a naked shoulder to brush impatiently at the tears on her throat and cheek. "That's a helluva thing to think after making love with someone."

"Sometimes I don't. Sometimes you do things that frustrate me." He admitted with frank honesty, his fingers brushing at her cheek bones, testing the wetness there. "Sometimes I wonder what a woman so full of life, so determined to taste every experience out there, good or bad, wants with me, a career soldier most women consider bland and boring when they actually bother to remember me at all."

"Yeah, well, five minutes ago, before you started talking, I would have given you one hell of a reference." She shoved at him then, trying to move out from under him.

"And then there's the moments when I see you with your hands on another man." He didn't let her go, his lips curving to a smile. "I see you weaving a web around them with words and touches and I see the way you play them and they don't even know it. They run along and do what you want, never questioning and I know I will never be that man."

"I never asked you to!" Rache snarled at him, angry.

He laughed. "No. You don't ask, Rache. You demand and when you don't get your way instead of pouting you start looking for alternate ways to get what you want by fair means or foul."

Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him. "Oh, this conversation is so over, Kaidan." She started wiggling again and he moved more of his weight on top of her.

"When you died it was easy to forget all of that and make you some sort of paragon that you will never be." He continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "I was wrong to do that. Wrong to shine up your rough spots and lie to myself that the pale sanitized version was the woman I loved."

"As soon as I get not naked around you, that will no longer be a problem!" She snapped at him. "You think this is…"

He cut her off with his mouth and dodged her belated attack with her teeth, laughing. "I think I'm a fool, Rache. That's what I think. I think I'm never more happy than when you're making me miserable. I think the universe is going to hell and there's no place I'd rather be for the closing curtain than here, with you." He brushed a hand through her hair again, smoothing the strands away from her face, tucking them behind her ear. "I think I made you cry and there's a part of me that is terrified that I have that much power over you. I think I'm thinking too much and this is all just words, anyway." He leaned down and kissed her again. "It may have been easier to love you when you were dead, Rache, but it was a pale, anemic love. I'd rather take the lumps and bruises loving you will undoubtedly give me than be left holding nothing but a ghost."

"Here's the first one!" Rache declared smacking him on the side of the head with a half hearted palm. Tears filled her eyes again and she shook her head, trying to hide the emotion with a scoffing laugh. "Geez, Kaidan. Only you would take ten minutes and a whole lot of useless words telling me you love me!"

"You already knew I love you, Rache. You just needed to know I plan on being with you, whatever you do, wherever we go, no matter what." His eyes were dark, his expression serious as he looked down at her.

Rache twisted her head, studying him as she tried to puzzle out what his meaning. "What if I say to hell with everyone else and we head for the most remote planet capable of sustaining human life and plan a way to rebuild the human race instead of fighting for our existence?"

"Will you be naked for most of the trip?"

She laughed and wrapped her arms about his neck, pulling him closer. "We both know I'm not ready to give up."

"Not your style." He agreed.

"There is a way. There has to be." Rache said softly, the words fierce. "To stop them. I've beaten them before. It can be done. You were there with me when I killed Sovereign."

"And I'll be with you this time, too. When we beat them."

Rache's chin lifted, her shoulders going more square for all that she was laying on her back under a very naked man. Her expression grew more determined and her green eyes narrowed, a slow smile curving her lips as she finally began to understand what he had been telling her. "You did this so I wouldn't be distracted."

"You needed to remember what you're fighting for, Rache." Kaidan agreed with a nod. "I needed to know that this time, if something happens to you, I won't regret the things I didn't say more than the things I did." His rubbed a thumb over her lower lip, his attention on her eyes. "We both needed to clear the air so we could begin to remember what it was like to trust the bond between us."

She inhaled deep and found her center, found the strength and confidence he'd helped her build simply with the knowledge she wasn't on her own anymore. Another deep breath and she smiled, tapping his arm, a silent request that he move off her, one he fulfilled.

She left the bed heading straight for the slots that held her armor, smiling and unsurprised when she found her favorite set charged and ready to go. Chuckling she began pulling the pieces on.

"Pretty damn smart, aren't you?" She quipped with a cocky smile directed at the man watching her dress with avid interest.

"I have to be, Rache." He answered with a grin, his own lips curving. "I have to keep up with you."

Green eyes flared with challenge as a blue mist flared from the palm of her hand and was clenched tight in a fist. "Good. Because there's a war on, Kaidan, and I have no intention of losing."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I dislike doing a play by play of events in the game. I find sticking to someone else's script to be limiting when I would rather explore other emotions or situations. Unfortunately, for me to go on and write the original bits that I like to do, I have to fix or flesh out, areas that I see lacking. ME3 left with me with a lot of 'ooooh, that has potential moments' while never actually fulfilling all the potential it had. So...we have this chapter and it's direct reference to the Mars Mission and the injuries that occurred there. It's a bit of a rewrite, a bit glossed over in game play places, another sin in writing I don't like...telling instead of showing. But it does have the emotion I wanted to convey.

* * *

She had two men at her back and a gun in her hands and she wasn't afraid to use any of them. In fact, one of the men she had just thoroughly used not forty minutes before in her cabin on board the Normandy. A parting good luck…moment.

"Those aren't very professional thoughts, Commander." The smoky voice spoke over her helmet com.

"Okay, how in hell do you know what I'm thinking? I've got a helmet on." Rache demanded turning slightly toward him.

Kaidan laughed, the sound sending a rolling pleasure down her spine to places that should be satiated and tired at this point. "Don't ever play poker, Rache, you don't do subtle well." His own helmeted head made a show of looking her up and down. "Lots and lots of tells."

"Are you two always like this on an op?" Their third companion asked with a note in his voice that was part dread, part playful teasing.

The question silenced both of them and Rache looked away, toward the storm brewing on the red Mars horizon. "Been a long time since we've been on the same side in an op together." She murmured softly.

"Too long." Kaidan agreed moving to stand next to her. "Never again, Rache."

She gave a firm nod of agreement and inhaled deep. "So who takes lead, Major? Can't have the chefs spoiling the pot."

He turned his head toward Vega as if studying him and was silent for a long moment. "You do, Commander." Came the answer and she heard the hint of humor in his voice.

"You're just saying that so you can look at my ass the whole time." Rache countered, but her forehead had narrowed slightly in question.

"Well, that, too." Kaidan agreed easily. "But it has more to do with you being the face of this war. You've always been the face of this war."

"Thought you'd say that." She murmured and for a moment her shoulders sagged before she lifted her head and shook herself. "Okay, storm's coming and it's going to jack with communications. Let's be quick and clean, get what we need and get out." She took off in an easy run toward the Mars base.

She heard the gunshots as they rounded a small hill and held up a fist, stopping those behind her. Crouching she ducked closer.

"Cerberus." She hissed the name as she watched soldiers in armor bearing the all too familiar logo circle the surrendered figure of an Alliance soldier kneeling on the ground, hands on his head. "What the hell are they…" A single round at point blank range from a Cerberus gun executed the kneeling solider and she sucked in a shocked, furious breath. "Lieutenant Vega, on my mark you will fire a concussive shot. Major Alenko, on that same mark you will toss a warp field. Three…two…one…mark." Energy surged from her hands as her biotics surged and melded with Kaidan's hitting the group of Cerberus assassins just as Vega's shot exploded.

Bodies began flying every direction. Rache calmly drew her pistol and finished off the floating enemies. Kaidan added to the carnage using his own pistol and between that and Vega's assault rifle the remaining Cerberus soldiers were quickly dispatched, most of them having barely been aware of being under attack.

"I'm seeing a lot of dead Alliance soldiers." Kaidan murmured looking at the field about them.

"I'm feeling the need to make a lot of dead Cerberus soldiers." Rache answered reloading her pistol. "Let's move."

Moving through the facility Rache's emotions grew more cold. She was accustomed to death…she'd been dancing in his shadow since she was sixteen. Dead soldiers made her want to salute and honor the ultimate price they had paid in doing their duty. Dead civilians made her anger at the enemy grow more steely. It was the ones executed from behind, the ones who had not seen death coming because it had come at the hands of someone trusted, those were the deaths that infuriated her and demanded that she avenge.

Since she had dropped the 'l' off of her name at sixteen and became Rache instead of Rachel, vengeance had been something she embraced, she cultivated. Something she almost craved.

Cerberus would regret giving her more fuel for her rage.

"Who the hell crawls in a vent outside of a movie?" Vega demanded, his attention on the large metal constructs near the ceiling of the room that several loud banging noises were coming from.

"Who builds them large enough for someone to crawl through?" Rache demanded with equal disdain drawing her pistol.

"Irrelevant." Kaidan countered. "Somebody's running and somebody's chasing."

The vent cover popped and a blue skinned figure jumped down quickly turning, her biotics flaring about her. The two Cerberus soldiers chasing her had no chance as the singularity caught them though one tried vainly to clutch to the vent rather than float about as a helpless target that the asari quickly dispatched with her gun.

"You do like your dramatic entrances, don't you, Doctor T'soni." Rache drawled with humor as she approached.

"Shepard." Liara jerked about, her greeting filled with delight. "You have a habit of showing up in the most peculiar of places."

"Orders from Hackett." Rache shrugged. "Earth's under attack. Reapers."

A sad smile covered the attractive alien's lips. "I had hoped we'd have more time."

"You and me both." Rache glanced at the dead enemies on the ground. "What's Cerberus after?"

"We found information in the archives. Prothean. I believe it could be used to defeat the Reapers." Liara's soft voice was serious. "I believe that is what Cerberus is after."

"Then we need to make sure they don't get it." With a scowl, Rache looked about the room, her gaze on the dead bodies. "Enemy numbers are unknown, but it's a safe bet there are more of them than there are of us. We need to make sure we have a quick evacuation available." Her gaze flickered to Kaidan.

He crossed his arms, his weight going to one hip. "Don't even think it." He stated in flat tones.

"You get hurt, it's not my fault." Rache retorted before moving on. "Vega, I want you back at the shuttle. With the storm coming in communication is going to be dicey. You stay frosty and be ready to evac us when I call."

"Yes, ma…sir." Vega nodded and raced back the way they'd come.

"Liara, hope you don't mind getting drafted, but we're going to need you to take us to the archives." Rache's expression showed she wasn't sorry at all. "I'll take point. Let's move."

"And my diabolical plan to watch your ass comes to fruition." Kaidan murmured checking the sights on his assault rifle.

Rache opened her mouth with a retort only to pause and think about it. "Clever, aren't you?" She said in droll tones with an implied 'hah, hah'.

"It is good to see you happy again, Shepard." Liara gave Kaidan a brilliant smile knowing exactly who to was to blame for that.

"Just call me Polly-frickin'-anna." Rache grumbled a faint stain on her cheeks that she quickly hid by moving farther into the base.

There had been a lingering fear in her, a faint unease that niggled at the back of her mind making her wonder if she and Kaidan had been apart too long, become too different, to ever work effectively together again. By the time they'd taken Saren out on the Citadel her issuing voice commands had become almost redundant, he knew what she wanted and was already taking care of it. But they weren't those soldiers anymore. Both a little more cynical, a little more battle weary…both a bit more afraid of opening up because the last time had hurt so fucking bad.

Instead, he moved in her shadow from room to room, helping her clear the corners, watching her back, offering suggestions. Like a teammate would. Even Liara noticed and gave comment leaving Rache with a stupid smile on her face.

This was what she had wanted. Ever since waking up in that Cerberus facility, she had wanted Kaidan at her back once more, the two of them a team that could take on anything life threw at them. She had wanted him as a partner and a lover. The only man she had ever deemed worthy enough to hold both positions and there was a part of her that almost couldn't believe it. That he was here. That he was standing next to her as committed as she was.

She was so damn happy it almost drowned out the knowledge that the Reapers were on Earth and the galaxy was about to go to Hell double time. Even the supercilious sneering of the Illusive Man hadn't been able to dampen that thrum of confidence running through her, making her believe that with Kaidan at her back she could accomplish anything.

"Shepard!" Liara called out breaking Rache free of her stare down with the smug bastard. "The data! It's not here." The asari's fingers danced over the holoboards, issuing commands and searches. "It's being erased!"

Rache ignored the smarmy goodbye from the Cerberus leader and joined Liara. "How's he doing it?" She demanded.

"It's local. Someone's uploading the information." Liara shook her head, frustration in her voice.

The sounds of an altercation echoed from across the room and had biotic energy swirling about Rache's fists as she quickly turned to see what was going on.

"Shepard!" Kaidan called from near the clash. "She's got the data!"

Rache spared a glance to make certain he was okay and then raced after the fleeing woman. She recognized her with a grim satisfaction…the traitor who had betrayed the soldiers on the base by shooting them in the back of the head or venting areas of the base. She had let Cerberus walk through here executing all survivors.

Rache was going to have a sweet, sweet time making her pay for all of that.

"She's faster than she looks!" Liara called from somewhere behind Rache.

Slamming a hand forward, shooting out a pulse of biotic energy, Rache gave a fierce noise of glee as the pulse slammed into the running figures feet. The joy was short lived as the figure seemed to shake off the blow that should have knocked her off her feet and continued on, faster than ever, forcing Rache to increase her own pace.

Jumping over obstacles, sliding across crates like they were hover hoods, calling orders, Rache chased the woman with single-minded determination. Her first real concern coming when she saw the Cerberus shuttles.

They had to have that data. They needed it to defeat the Reapers.

Rache used her helmet mic to call for backup. The storm's interference began to make itself known and she snarled urging her own pace on even further, ignoring the gunfire that spat about her, trying to throw off her pursuit.

She almost had her when the Cerberus extraction shuttle pulled around in a smooth hover, its doors opening to allow the traitor to jump inside.

"Dammit! Vega! Normandy!" Rache bellowed her rage. "She's getting away! _Anybody!_"

"I got this one!" Vega's voice burst suddenly clear over her helmet com.

In disbelief Rache watched the Alliance Kodiak veer into a collision course path dead on with its Cerberus counterpart.

"James, you dumbass." Rache managed with almost a resigned exasperation before the two crafts smashed together, spinning about the roof she was on.

Debris flew everywhere as she dodged trying to make herself the smallest target possible to escape the twisted and burning pieces of metal. The Cerberus shuttle hit the ground first, almost at her feet, flipping about as flames gushed from its interior making any chance of survival slim indeed for those trapped inside. The Alliance craft fared better managing a marginally more controlled and less explosive landing.

Rache pulled herself to her feet, her gaze instantly searching. Kaidan waved her off signaling he was okay and she directed her attention to Vega as he walked out of the shuttle. Idly she wondered how many bones she would break in her hand if she smashed her fist into his faceplate as hard as she wanted too.

"The Normandy's en route." Vega said completely oblivious to the murderous intents of his commanding officer. "They'll be here soon."

She moved closer to him, her mouth opening to blister him with the profanity a lifetime in the marines had taught her when a sudden pounding noise drew her attention to the opposite side of the shuttle, an area she couldn't see. Gunfire had her drawing her own weapon and racing toward the sound, Vega at her heels.

Kaidan was standing between a wounded Liara and…something. The outline matched the woman Rache had been chasing but still her mind had trouble reconciling the two as the figure raced toward Kaidan, his bullets bouncing off a metal chassis until his gun was knocked to the side by one hand. The dark, soot stained thing then used the fingers of its other hand to grip Kaidan's helmet and lift him off the ground.

Rache brought her gun up, a cold sensation pooling in her gut. "Let him go!" She snarled moving closer, ignoring how Kaidan's feet kicked at the metal figure while he hung in the air.

One shot. That's all she needed. Just one clear shot and she would send that thing to hell for daring to touch Kaidan.

The thing ignored her, tapping a com at its ear. "Orders?" The question was impersonal, as if she were asking how to mix ingredients for a cake rather than holding a tall, armored soldier like he were a feather.

Orders? Rache caught the question and opened her mouth to respond only to hear the distinct tones of the Illusive Man respond.

"Finish him."

The cold in Rache's gut spread through her chest. "No!" She screamed in denial stepping forward as the metallic woman turned, Kaidan still in her grip and began slamming him against the side of the burning Cerberus shuttle, once, twice and a third and oh so final time.

When it let Kaidan go he slumped to the ground looking utterly lifeless.

The thing turned and faced Rache, oblivious to the rage and grief waging their own war in her soul as the numb Spectre opened fire, her aim deadly and sure. Not much was needed…just a handful of shots centered on the forehead to bring the Cerberus lackey down but Rache didn't stop firing until her gun had filled its last heatsink and could fire no more.

Only then did she turn her attention to the still form laying on the field of battle.

"Shepard, we've Reapers inbound!" Joker's voice came over the com shaking her from her grief numb state, staring at Kaidan.

"Grab that thing!" Rache ordered Vega pointing an obscene finger toward the metal mannequin lying on the ground. She didn't hesitate anymore, her feet carrying her quickly to Kaidan's side.

Gods…his face…

The Normandy hovered nearby and in the distance Rache watched as enormous Reaper figure plunged through the atmosphere landing on the planet.

They were out of time.

Hating herself, knowing she was causing more damage even as she ordered the medgel reserves in his armor depleted in an effort to try and heal him, she shifted his body up and slung him over her shoulders in a fireman carry, grateful for one of the rare times that her upgraded body was stronger than an average woman's.

She carried him up the ramp into the guts of the Normandy moving as fast as she dared. "Get that elevator down here." She snarled the order as Liara raced forward issuing the command on the panel. "Joker, notify the Normandy's doctor that we have wounded coming to medbay."

"Ugh…the Normandy doesn't currently have a doctor." Joker replied with uncharacteristic regret.

Rache sucked in a breath to scream her outrage when he quickly continued.

"We weren't prepared when the Reapers struck Earth! Some of our personnel never made it to the Normandy and we ended up with people who weren't assigned to the ship."

"Do we have a doctor on board anywhere?" Rache demanded as the elevator began moving. A silent mantra kept playing itself over and over in her thoughts even as a growing helplessness cascaded about her. A younger, more spiritual Rache would have called the words a prayer.

"Standing next to you?" Joker offered perfectly willing to throw Liara under the bus.

"I'm an archaeologist!" Liara rebutted quickly. "I have never made a formal study of the human anatomy!"

"You're about to because you're the best we've got." Rache informed her in terse tones. "Joker, you remember that time the Normandy was evacuating and everybody was leaving except you?"

"Uhn…" Came the articulate reply.

"Your crippled ass got me killed. You owe me." Rache continued, her voice as grim as death. "I don't know what makes you a hotshot pilot. I don't know and I don't care how you do what you do but you do it now. You get us to the Citadel as fast as possible. You use whatever tricks you know, whatever talent you shove in the face of lesser pilots and you get us to the Citadel before Kaidan dies or so help me…" Her voice cracked and she silenced the emotion.

"You have my word, Commander. We will get Kaidan to the Citadel in time." Joker answered, his voice full of the determination and grit that so rarely was he called upon to use. "I hope whatever you learned down there was worth it."

"Don't let Vega drive." Rache all but growled as the elevator doors opened and she moved quickly circled toward the Medbay. "That's what I learned."

She moved to the nearest open table and carefully rolled Kaidan off of her shoulder and onto his back. "Liara, get me more medgel. We need to stabilize…"

"Rache…" Kaidan's voice, a mere whisper caught her attention and she bent closer to him.

"You idiot." She muttered at him shoving a curling lock of hair off of his forehead as she leaned closer, quelling the nausea that arose from looking at his battered and bruised face. "I told you if you got hurt not to blame me." Her voice broke with emotion and she had to look away to try and gain control.

Impossibly a soft laugh expelled from him. "First…time…" He managed before sucking in a pained breath.

"Kaidan, don't you leave me." Rache whispered her face inches above his own. "Please. I'm begging you. Don't leave me." Tears dropped from her eyes to mingle with the blood on his face.

"First time…" He started again, a smile on his lips. "I've seen you…scared." His eyes rolled back into his head and closed.

"Kaidan!" Rache called his name, panic streaking through her.

"He's unconscious." Liara reported softly. "The medgel has him stabilized, Shepard. It's the best we can do until we get to the Citadel."

Rache stared down at him. "He's going to die." She whispered, not hearing anyone else. In her memory the fires of Mindoir burned bright, the agonized screams of her family ringing in her ears as they died and left her alone to try and rebuild a sane existence from their ashes.

"Commander Shepard!" Liara spoke her name sharply. "There is nothing more that you can do for him now. There is a war going on, however, that you can help with."

She just wanted to curl up next to him and remember the hours earlier when he'd held her and given her the gift of knowing he would be with her throughout this war. Soldiers as pragmatic as Kaidan didn't make promises, but he'd given her one.

"Commander Shepard!"

"I heard you the first time." Rache snapped glaring at Liara. "EDI, you and Liara see what you can learn from that thing." She stabbed a finger toward the metal Cerberus toy.

"Commander, I'm receiving a signal over the secondary QVC. I believe it's Admiral Hackett." A voice called over the com system.

Kaidan would be the first to order her to do her duty, Rache mused gazing down at his all too still features. Him and his damn duty.

"Patch me through." Rache ordered and exited the Medbay ignoring every instinct that screamed at her to stay.

She was a soldier first. A woman, a lover second. That was how she'd gotten through Torfan and it's dark days of blood and death. That was how she'd get through this.

No matter what the outcome.


	6. Chapter 6

Rache had never been one to dislike hospitals. She'd been in too many of them, been patched up too many times by doctors and nurses who fought a battle just as intense and bloody as any she had ever been in. In one of her more retrospective moments, Rache had decided that her job was easy and theirs sucked. She just killed bad guys. Doctors and nurses had to fix things when she screwed up her job and it didn't matter if the patient was an innocent bystander, a good guy or a bad guy, they still had to do their best.

Visiting someone in a hospital, however, was something she hated. When that person was the man she loved…when she wasn't arguing or making love with him…that made it all the worse.

He lay so still on the bed that her eyes immediately moved to his naked chest waiting to see it rise and fall with his breath so she could make sure he was still alive. Yeah, there were machines all around him, watching, scanning him making notes about every little thing, but she couldn't understand all the medtech babble on them…her well honed ability to swear in the native tongues of at least six different alien species wasn't much help here.

Nor were her attempts to ignore the cold, frozen feeling in her gut as she looked at his bruised and battered flesh by trying humor but she figured it was better than wrecking the place as an outlet for her pent up emotions.

The need to touch him, to make sure he was warm and full of life warred with the fear that any contact would hurt. Moving closer, she licked her lips, her fists clenching.

This…this was what she hated most. Being helpless. Powerless. Having to stand by while the life and death of someone she cared for was determined by forces so beyond her control that she couldn't even influence them.

On Mindoir, during the raid that killed her family, her neighbors and friends, she had hid, powerless and scared and hated herself. On Torfan, with images from the raid on the colony at Elysium still fresh in her mind she had taken that remembered feeling of helplessness and used it to earn the title of Butcher from those who hadn't understood. Killing those who had been involved in that raid, even those who had surrendered, hadn't been the act of a psychopath in need of rehabilitation. It had been the act of a woman who swore no other teenage girl would hide helpless and scared while those she loved died. Not if she could prevent it and if death was the only message understood by raiders and slavers, it would be the one she delivered.

Helpless was not something Rache Shepard did well.

"This is bullshit, Kaidan!" Rache hissed at him, her features distorted with an anger she forced to the front rather than face that vulnerable fear at seeing him so still, so hurt. "Gods, I hate the words but I'll use them…this is _not fair_! One mission! I had you at my back for one fucking mission and you had to get your ass beat down. _Really?_" Her voice never rose but her body vibrated with tension and pent up emotion flowing through her.

There were more words but she bit them back, blinking rapidly at the tears rising in her eyes with her emotion.

"You had no right to…to make things right between us and then let this happen!" She emphasized the point to the unconscious man by jabbing her finger toward the ground. "And if you die I will be so pissed that there will not be enough ammo in the galaxy to calm me down again."

Again she was quiet, struggling with what she was feeling and what she wanted to say. Torn between begging him once more not to leave her alone and hitting him for making her feel vulnerable again.

Choosing neither, she paced around the bed, staring out the window at the Citadel.

"Yeah, I know I have a shitty bedside manner." She finally managed closing her eyes against the beauty of the scene. "But you knew what you were getting each time you chased me down. You idiot." Impatient she brushed at her cheeks. "I can't even stay here. I have to go talk to Udina and play games of the political bullshit variety. You were so much better at that than I am. Are. You _are_." She quickly corrected herself as if her words in the past tense had the power to cause his death then and there. "I'm sure there will be a mission, too, so if you expect me to just sit here and wait for you to wake up you are sadly delusional about who you fell in love with. Almost as delusional as I am, talking to you like you can hear me."

Another swipe of her fingers over her cheeks and she turned back to him, standing next to the bed, staring down at his battered face.

"Please wake up." She whispered leaning over him, her fingers gently stroking through the top layers of his hair where her touch couldn't possibly hurt him. After a moment she drew in a jagged breath before fiercely struggling for the control to once more put her fear and helplessness in their place. "If you don't wake up, I'm going to have sex with Vega and it will be all your fault so you just think about that while you're lying there, Kaidan Alenko."

She pulled away from the bed, determined to stalk out, her point made, her emotional armor protecting her once more. Near the door she faltered and stopped. For a long breath she stared at her feet and then turned on her heel, returning to the bed. Silent she looked at him, memorizing the features, bruised and battered as they were before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"If by some chance you can hear me, Kaidan…" She whispered, her eyes feverishly studying his face for any flicker, any twitch that told her he was listening. "I love you."

Stillness was her only answer.

Rache swallowed down her grief and gave a slow, determined nod before straightening her spine and lifting her chin. When she walked out of the room she was the confident and in control Commander Shepard and she would be damned if she let anyone watching doubt it for even a minute.

* * *

Out of a shadowed corner where no one saw him, a tall figure stepped, his gaze on the woman striding down the hospital corridor with a purpose and a plan until she passed through the doors and could be seen no more. Thoughtful now, the figure moved with an assassin's grace until he stood just outside the door of the room Commander Shepard had departed from.

"Major Kaidan Alenko." The name was spoken softly as read on the discreet patient ID screen.

The figure gave one more considering look in the direction one of the Alliance's most recognizable soldiers had left in before coming to a decision.

Without a sound he entered the room.

* * *

"James, you disappoint me."

The beefy soldier swallowed hard standing almost at attention as he dwarfed the smaller, almost dainty looking Commander pacing in a small circle before him.

"Look at you. Big neck. Big chest. Big thighs and arms." She continued in a silky voice that warned anyone listening…anyone who knew her…that he was getting set up for a hard smack down. "Why you look like you could crush a steel pipe with your teeth." A tsking sound clicked from her mouth as she paused and looked straight at him. "Imagine my disillusionment when you showed me the size of your tool to find that it's so…tiny."

"C'mon, sir. You know size doesn't matter." The soldier answered trying to ease some of his tension.

"No, of course not." Rache drawled with heavy sarcasm. "It certainly doesn't matter when you and a bunch of your beefcake buddies are checking out chicks in a nightclub. I'm certain you look at a woman's chest and immediately go 'hey, check her out. She's got breasts like a couple of BB's on a wood plank, but hey, size doesn't matter.'"

A dull flush worked its way up his neck and throat to crest at his forehead. "Uhn…"

"I don't want to hear excuses, James." Rache persisted. "I want to know how I am to smash the Illusive Man's personal sexbot with a hammer this small. Aren't you familiar with the concept of overcompensation at all?"

"Yeah, ma'am, but I never felt the need to brag." He gave a one shouldered shrug and then winced. "Uhn…sir…"

"Chill, James. My tits are off limits to you." She waved a hand before dismissal glaring at the hammer in her hands in disgust. She had really wanted to go after that thing that had put Kaidan in the hospital until it was a dented mess and she had exhausted her worry and her dreams to a fugue state.

"Damn." The large soldier mumbled with regret.

She arched an eyebrow looking at him.

"I mean…damn, I really wish I had a bigger hammer, ma'am." He answered all but saluting.

"Sure you do." She tossed the hammer aside ignoring the flinch he made when it crashed into the crates and other weird objects he had sitting about his claimed area of the shuttle hanger. "What about an acetylene torch? Or explosives of any kind?"

His expression flooded with alarm. "Ma'am…"

"Do they have a Cain in my armory now?" She frowned trying to remember.

Vega considered her for a moment and then an almost smile curved his lips. "Ma'am, what you need is some physical activity."

"I already told you my tits are off limits, Vega." Rache responded in dry tones just to be irritating.

"And I'll be crying about that later on when I'm alone with my blankie." He retorted before cracking the knuckles on each hand, a gesture meant more to intimidate than anything else. "What do you know about dancing?"

"That when I do it people fall down in convulsions diagnosed as hysterical laughter." Rache crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze assessing him. "But I don't think that's the sort of dance you want."

This time he grinned and gave an acknowledging nod of her point. "Can you dance and talk at the same time?"

Her eyes narrowed at the cocky challenge in his voice. "The last time I was on Omega I partnered with a batarian. I'm not sure he survived the encounter. You actually think you can do better?"

A huffing noise of disbelief escaped from the big man. "You comparing me to a batarian? Commander, you'll hurt my feelings."

A slow grin curved her lips. "Dance with me, Vega. Let's see what else I can hurt."

She backed away until they were in the middle of the hanger and loosened up her arms. He joined her, fists already raised, his body turned slightly with his weight balanced to move quickly if he needed to.

The first feint was hers, a testing jab toward his head that was easy to pull away from. Her second was more serious but he blocked using a forearm and a slow smile creased her face, easing the strain of worry and sleepless nights with the joy of a challenge.

"You know, Lola, I'm starting to get you." Vega aimed the back of a hand toward her, missed and tried a return hit which she easily ducked under.

"So long as Kaidan Alenko is alive, you'll never get me, Vega." She darted in close going low to slam a fist against his ribs drawing a very satisfying grunt from him. "And that happens every time you call me Lola."

He moved back a couple of steps reassessing, his feet light for such a big man. "Yeah, that's what I'm getting." He lunged, his height and reach giving him an advantage that she narrowly blocked. "I've been watching you a long time, Lola, but I never got you. Now I'm getting you."

"Again with the…" He fell for the feint she directed toward his ribs and earned a vicious hit to the face for his gullibility as first blood was drawn from his nose. "…Lola. You must like pain, Vega. Or does it go with the hothead act?"

With a speed that had her working to blunt, Vega lashed several attacks toward her upper chest and ribcage never managing to land a solid blow but making her pay for the blocks with her forearms taking a pounding. "Act? You think this is an act?"

"I think you're working some issues. That stunt on Mars? With the shuttle?" Anger narrowed her eyes and she allowed a glancing blow to her shoulder so she could slam a fist into his gut. "That was stupid and reckless." He tried to dance back out of her reach but she followed landing another hit to his face. "I don't allow stupid and reckless soldiers on my team, James."

A flush that wasn't exertion crested his neck. "It got the job done. I didn't hear you complaining about that."

"Which only means you're damn lucky I was tending the wounded." She eased off, balancing on the balls of her feet, her green eyes wary as she gave herself room to catch her breath. "If your actions had caused more injuries or even a death, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation because I would have put you down like a rabid varren."

"Is that what happened to your team on Torfan? How many of them did you get killed again?" He countered raising his fists higher, an increase in tension in his body warning her moments before he stepped forward and swung at her.

"My team on Torfan knew what I wanted, knew what was needed and accepted the risks." Shepard spoke in bursts of exertion as she ducked and wove avoiding fists that just one of dwarfed both of hers combined. "Even those who walked away will say the same."

"Yeah, they did." He agreed with a single nod as he wiped the blood still dripping from his nose onto the sleeve of his t-shirt. "I knew what you wanted on Mars, what needed to be done and I did it. The risk was acceptable." He emphasized the point with a finger pointed toward the ground.

Rache's eyes flared slightly, almost in challenge of his defense and smiled, a baring of her teeth that should have been more warning. "Which proves my point. The meathead bit is an act. There's more than a thick skull in your head."

"Let's talk about acts." The words were friendly and he landed his first solid hit on her ribcage by disarming her with them. "I've seen you act the stone cold bitch in front of brass who've forgotten they were once soldiers and are now politicians. I've seen you flick on the homicidal killer with a blink when intimidating someone in your way. I've even seen that homicidal killer cut loose from the rules and let out to play in the blood. And then there's the sex kitten bit that you used on me. I didn't get any of it." Two quick steps forward and a soft hit to her shoulder with a right had her fumbling a defense that allowed a solid hit to her jaw that knocked her back several steps. "Not until the Major pointed it out. He gets you."

The near silent breath she sucked in had a grin carve its way across his face as he nodded.

"Yeah, I started watching you around him and I started to get it. To get you." Vega made another wipe at his nose, smearing blood.

"You've known me, what, five minutes, Vega?" She hissed and then sent several punches at his face and chest that he easily blocked. "You don't get me."

"I couldn't figure it." He shook his head, stepping back away from her as they both caught their breath. "A hot woman like you with a guy like him. The dude walks in a room and nobody notices. Yeah, I'd heard he was solid in the field, good and steady. You could rely on him. I rely on my shoelaces to keep my boots on, but that don't mean they're the first things chicks look at."

"Watch yourself, Vega." Rache said in tight tones as she began to circle closer.

"See, that's what I started to get." He nodded and moved about, keeping the same distance between them. "While he was in the corner, nobody watching him, he was watching you and he saw something nobody else did because all they see is what you want 'em to see. Nobody else bothered looking deeper. Well, I'm looking now."

"Is there a point to this, James? Because I came to dance, not talk." Rache rasped as the cold feeling of loss tightened her gut again.

"Point is soldiers die, Lola." Vega continued. "Lotta 'em dying on earth right now and those that are left pick up their weapons and keep on fighting. We need you to fight this war. Whether the Major dies or not, we still need you to fight this war. We need you more than he needs you."

Rache didn't answer simply darted forward giving him no chance to block, only to react as she slammed her fist into his abdomen then her right into the same area, driving the breath from him as he hit his knees only to be pounded by a savage fist on his jaw that knocked him back several steps and onto his butt.

Laughing, he rubbed his jaw, looking up at her. "I get it, I get it. No more Lola."

"I need soldiers who follow orders, Vega, and don't get their own teammates killed. I need soldiers that think fast on their feet and shoot even faster when the situation calls for it." Rache stated in flat tones of authority. "I don't need the hothead act, I need a damn good soldier. You decide which you are. And leave the Major out of it." The last was hissed as she stalked toward the elevator leaving him where he lay.

Vega watched her, still laughing, fingers still probing his jaw. "Hey, Cortez, what level of hell do you go to for wishing, even for a second, that a guy would die so you'd have a chance at his woman?"

The shuttle pilot glanced up, a grin on his face. "The one where there are no gay men, Vega."

James thought about it for a moment. "Hunh." He all but grunted the noise. "Good point."

* * *

Confusion swirled his consciousness causing the echoes of dreams and memories to dip and blend with nauseating speed. The memory of her touch and taste, the feel of her skin on his warred with a dull and grey images of standing at attention during a ceremony that commemorated her life and mourned her death.

"Rache." He mumbled ignoring the pain of the lights in the room as he tried to open swollen eyes, swollen fingers fumbling to reach for something he couldn't find.

"She is well." A soft, gravelly voice spoke as the room went dark. "She is as safe as one may be when fighting on the front lines of this war."

No, she died. Didn't she?

Kaidan made a growling noise of frustration. "Rache." The name was clearer this time.

"Rest, Major Alenko. She lives." Came the assurance again and Kaidan found the darkness swirling up around him once more. "Rest and heal. She will need you. The path she walks is a lonely one. I know this well."

"Rache." This time the name was sighed as unconsciousness pulled him under once again.


	7. Chapter 7

Kaidan turned his head toward the door as it cycled open, trying to ignore the flicker of disappointment that flowed through him as he watched a tall drell enter.

"Forgive the intrusion." The gravelly voice said as the alien hesitated near the door. "I noticed you were awake as I was passing and thought you might be in need of distraction. If I have erred, I will go."

Any conversation was better than staring at fake clouds wondering where she was and if she was alive. "I could use a distraction, actually. Kaidan Alenko." He moved to extend his hand in greeting and hissed at the pain in his shoulders.

"Please, do not trouble yourself. Drell and human skin contact can sometimes cause unfortunate side effects for the human. I am Tannor Nuara." The drell moved closer and settled in a chair near the bed. "I must confess to having an ulterior motive for seeking you out. I have met human biotics before, but never one with the L2 amps still implanted. The doctors were commenting on it as I passed by and drew my curiosity."

Kaidan gave a soft chuckle on the nicer side of bitter. "I'll try to keep my insane homicidal tendencies in check while I'm here."

The drell's large eyes studied him. "Actually, they spoke with admiration and concern. Apparently your amp was affected during your recent combat mission and they were most interested in making sure you hadn't suffered permanent damage. They value you."

"Ouch." Kaidan's laugh was more genuine this time. "That should teach me a lesson about self pity. Sorry."

Tannor smiled, a serene and rather peaceful gesture that Kaidan found himself relaxing under. "It is difficult to know there are events going on that you should be a part of only to have your physical body limit your efforts. That you can laugh at all under such circumstances is admirable."

His eyes narrowing, Kaidan gave the alien a longer study. "That sounds like the voice of experience."

A sage nod came from Tannor. "I am dying. Kepral's Syndrome. I must come here, to Huerta, daily for treatments."

Kaidan's gaze flickered over the drell's body. "I'm sorry, I don't know what Kepral's is. I haven't met many drell. I didn't even know that physical contact could be a problem between humans and your kind."

"The situation varies from human to human, from mild to simply unpleasant. Severe allergic reactions are rare…but then so are meetings between drell and humans." Tannor leaned closer, his fingers touching each other as he watched the injured man on the bed. "As for Kepral's…it is not something a human can catch, merely my body attacking itself. Eventually my body will give up its fight and rest."

Kaidan studied the serene alien, a kind of awe in him that someone facing their mortality could do so with such peace. "How much longer do you have?"

A smile curved full lips. "I have surpassed all of the most optimistic dates given to me by my doctors."

Laughing caused pain so Kaidan stopped immediately. "Sounds like those are good odds to beat." He finally said. "I guess I should count myself lucky. Give me a couple more days and I'll be ready to leave the hospital. I may be bruised, but I'll live."

"And return to war?" Tannor questioned. "Understand…your name is not unfamiliar to me. That you are an L2 is of interest to me…but that you served with Commander Shepard is a fascination. Particularly now that it seems the warnings she was punished for giving have now been found littered with truth."

"I'd love to say that if she'd been less abrasive, less 'I'm right and you're an idiot' about telling the Council about the Reapers they'd have listen, but I don't believe it." Kaidan sighed, his gaze flickering to the fake clouds outside his window once more. "I think they thought it would go away if they pretended hard enough. Shepard certainly went away with her little dead stunt after they ignored her the first time."

"Perhaps the most comforting thing that can be said about the Commander is that she doesn't stay away for long." There was humor in the words that caught Kaidan's attention.

He smiled, a lifting of one corner of his mouth that was more sincere than many he'd managed since waking up and finding himself alone. "Yeah. I guess there is that. Thanks."

The drell seemed to shrug off the gratitude, settling back in his chair. "People seem to think that in war heroes will suddenly appear to save the day when they are needed. They don't understand that heroes are those who are simply going about their daily lives who find themselves in extraordinary circumstances and manage to either survive or die with valor."

Kaidan considered the words for a moment. "She doesn't think of herself as a hero." He said finally. "I don't think she thinks about how others see her at all, truth be told. She doesn't care what anyone else thinks, she just cares about getting the job done. If anything, she regards herself as a problem solver. I just don't think that the Reapers are a problem that can be easily solved."

"There are those who seem capable of holding back the tide by the sheer force of their will alone. Your Commander appears to be one of these. If there is a solution to the Reaper problem, she will find it simply because the alternative is unacceptable to her." There was a quiet confidence in Tannor's voice that drew a curious look from Kaidan, but the injured human didn't comment on it.

"Guess that makes me pretty damn selfish for wishing she were here, by me, and not out there saving the universe." Kaidan finally sighed.

"Yes." The drell agreed. "But then love is as often selfish as it is self-sacrificing. The two are not mutually exclusive by any means. There is a fine balance between loving someone enough to let them be who they are and loving them so long as they are who you wish them to be."

"When she died, for two years I had this image of her in my head as a…a paragon of sorts." Kaidan said quietly. "Someone who didn't punch reporters just for kicks and giggles. Someone who tried reasonable ways to make themselves understood and accepted instead of just drawing a weapon and proposing that whoever was in her way get with her program or die. She could be a cranky bitch and I stripped that away from her to make her a happy, shallow cliché. When she came back…well, she was more cranky than ever."

Tannor laughed gently, the humor ending on a cough that had Kaidan trying to sit up, to aid him only to be waved away. "Forgive me. A side effect of my disease. It will pass and come again."

"I'm sorry." Kaidan offered his sympathy with sad eyes.

"I have settled my regrets in my life and found peace, Major. I am well." Tannor gave a small nod accepting the grief and returning comfort.

"I would be honored if you called me Kaidan."

"The honor is mine. I am Tannor." The drell smiled. "And I have seen reports showing quite clearly how the Commander looks when she is cranky."

"Only being present can tell you how spectacular she is when she goes into rant mode." Kaidan laughed. "I used to think that was all there was to her. Just an angry, psychotic bitch who loved to kill."

Tannor turned his head, suddenly more alert. "What made you look deeper?" He asked with curiosity as his liquid eyes focused more on the injured human in the bed.

Kaidan chuckled, a wide smile lifting both corners of his mouth as his eyes went slightly unfocused with memory. "She listened to me." Came the soft answer.

"I don't understand." Tannor's brow wrinkled with confusion, an oddly human expression on the drell face.

"Women don't notice me. I used to make a bet with myself on how fast I would get friendzoned when meeting someone new." A deprecating smile parted his lips as he spoke without bitterness. "Then they would tell me all their problems with their boyfriends or the hot guy who wouldn't notice them. I figured Rache would beat all other records in sending me the 'not interested in you that way' signal. Only she didn't. I don't know what she saw that made her interested in me, but I know she saw something and decided she wanted it…wanted me." Shifting in the bed, wincing slightly at the pull on his shoulders, Kaidan didn't look at the drell. "When I talked to her she didn't make it all about her…even when I tried to. She asked me questions about me. She didn't like it when I tried to caution her about some of her tactics, but she listened and the advice I gave her? She sometimes even took it and used it. Then she came back for more. The angry, psychotic bitch that tough soldiers tiptoed around wasn't there when just the two of us talked." He licked his lips. "Somewhere in the middle of the second or third of our real, deep conversations it hit me…the psycho was a part of her, yeah, but not all of her. A shield…no, that's not right. A mask, maybe? Someone she…the rest of Rache…could hide behind. Once I saw her, saw the vulnerable, the…human Rache and not the fierce Commander Shepard there was no going back. I was gone on her."

Tannor smiled, his serene face almost lighting up with the simple joy in hearing the story. "Ah. That I understand."

Kaidan gave him a questioning look. "Sounds personal?"

"My wife, Irikah." Tannor settled back in his chair. "She, too, showed a fierce warrior to protect a more fragile soul. I, too, felt honored when she set aside her mask and trusted me with seeing the truth of who she was."

"Honored…" Kaidan laughed at the word. "Humbled." Without thinking he raised a hand to rub his forehead and winced at the immediate pain that had him settling back down. "In all fairness, though, Rache, when she gets on a tear, doesn't really listen to anybody. She'll try but the results are all over the place."

Tannor studied the injured human for a long moment. "Interesting. I don't believe I have heard anyone else ever claim that she even tried. Perhaps there is something about you that encourages the effort from her."

Kaidan frowned, considering that for a moment. "That almost makes me feel bad about testing her. I guess maybe I'm a lot more selfish than I'd like to think."

"Testing her?" Tannor queried rising from his chair to take up the carafe of water near Kaidan's bed and pour him a drink. He added a straw before carefully holding the glass to allow him to drink.

"Thanks." Kaidan smiled at him. "Yeah. She said she trusted me when I brought her in for the Alliance. I didn't believe her, so I tested her. I wanted to see if she would keep her side of the bargain or if she'd use her temper as an excuse to take off as soon as she could. She was in isolation while I took care of other matters. I didn't call her or send her a message. No contact. I…thought she'd fail. Oh, I knew she'd try, I just didn't think she could stick it out, you know."

"I don't believe the Commander is considered weak willed." Tannor laughed softly.

"No, weak willed is the opposite of her problem." Kaidan agreed with a chuckle. "Willful would be a better description of Rache. As in her will first and everyone else's be damned. I really thought she'd take off. Instead she stuck it out. Barely. But she was there when I went to get her. It seems pretty damn petty now I think about it, but it sure was important at the time. For some reason."

"I believe insecurity makes more than just humans act like idiots." Tannor gave as a mixed comfort.

"I need to message her. Tell her I'm awake. That I'm doing fine." Kaidan said firmly. "She has nothing to prove to me about trust. Not anymore."

Tannor smiled. "I will assist you."

Kaidan gave the drell a long careful study. "Thank you, Tannor. It's been good to talk to someone about the Commander. She doesn't have close friends…she considers them a vulnerability…which leaves those who have stood beside her in combat as the ones who know her best. Before the Reapers attacked, she wasn't exactly surrounding herself with the friendliest sorts in the galaxy."

Tannor considered the injured human. "Indeed?"

"Yeah. She needed mercs to help her out when she went after the Collectors. I think she even had a master thief helping her." Kaidan smiled. "I know she had at least one assassin."

A laugh escaped from the drell's chest, quickly subdued before a cough could escape with it. "A dashing fellow, I'm sure." He gave a careful nod of acknowledgement.

His point made, Kaidan laughed.

* * *

"It's in my hair!" Rache snarled sagging briefly under the weight of the huge injured Krogan she was helping off the shuttle into the Normandy's bay. "And it reeks!"

"Lola, a little less bi—complaining and a lot more carryin' and we'll get this done." Vega snarled at her from the other side of the listing alien.

"Grunt, if he calls me Lola again, I want you to bite his head off." Rache growled as they dragged the gore soaked Krogan toward the elevator.

"Humans don't taste good." Grunt managed to retort as the doors opened before them and they staggered inside all but shoving him against the wall to support his weight.

Both humans carrying him paused, breathing heavily.

"Get it? Taste." The Krogan laughed.

Rache rolled her eyes. "Right now all I can taste is rachni guts because you are covered in them and got it in my hair! Also, I want it on record that when I gave that queen on Noveria an acid bath, I was right! Those things are nasty and should be exterminated."

"Are there any alien species you haven't thought about exterminating, ma'am?" Vega questioned from the far side of the elevator.

She narrowed her gaze at him. "No." Was the flat answer. "Joker, warn Chakwas we're on our way."

"Already done, Commander." Came the easy reply. "Also, you have mail!" The last was a cheery call that had her glaring at the ceiling toward the disembodied voice.

"Traynor takes care of my mail, why are you looking at it?" Rache growled, her expression pissed.

"EDI runs it by me every so often to make sure she's filtering out the spam correctly for you." Joker's answer was a little too quick and a little too practiced. "Although you've got a Salarian Prince who is in dire need of your help to move some money off planet now that the Reapers are here. He just needs your account information to make the transfer."

Rache was tired enough and pissed off enough that she almost didn't make the connection before her mouth shot off. "Shit." She groaned. "I have officially reached the point that by doing all of these stupid little favors for people has caused me to believe that spam-mail is legit. That is a sad state of my life."

"Yes, it is." Joker agreed. "And before you can entertain thoughts of coming up here and breaking something…like me…I'm going to distract you by saying you're going to want to open one of your messages."

"I have rachni shit in my hair, Joker. I don't want to…" Her voice broke off as a cold certainty stole over her. "Where's it from?"

"Huerta Memorial on the Citadel." This time Joker's voice was completely sober and full of grief. "Commander, I just…I want you to know how sorry I am. He was a good guy."

Rache's mouth moved but there was no sound. She knew it. She should have stayed. Should have been there…wait a minute. Only complete morons sent death notices by instant message or email. Alliance death notices were given a face to face whenever possible, even if it meant by QEC message.

"Joker, I swear to whatever psychotic deity that gave you birth I will kill you if you are messing with me." She snarled.

"Wha….that, Comm…can't understand…"

Grunt began to laugh weakly as Rache began a very detailed description of what she was going to do to Joker the next time she saw him. Vega made a writing motion as if taking notes.

Depositing Grunt safely in Chakwas' care with assurances the tank bred krogan would be fine, Rache briefly considered stopping by the cockpit to make sure Joker knew how she felt about his little prank only to have the pull of the message tug her to her private quarters.

Sticky with rachni blood and guts, she licked her lips and punched the correct message up on the holo-screen.

He was alive. Awake. He wanted to see her, if she had time. Made a point of telling her he was getting better.

Rache swallowed hard, her jaw clenching in time with her fists as she fought the rise of emotion in her. Blinking furiously, she carefully began to strip her armor off, tossing it toward the fish tank until she was naked before going to work on the braid in her hair. By the time she entered the shower she was mostly under control.

Then the water proceeded to hide any evidence that she wasn't.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a conspiracy.

Rache snarled shoving an arm forward with a biotic surge that slammed her target into three others before picking him up and slamming him down with an audible crack. Her search for another target came up frustratingly empty.

Here she was, trying to pick her boyfriend up after a very long, very annoying time apart and Cerberus had to pick now, of all times, to try and take over the Citadel? _Seriously?_ She was positive The Illusive Man woke up in the mornings and his first thought as he sipped his whiskey and munched on his Krogan Krunchies was 'how do I fuck with Commander Shepard's life today?'

"You always make that growly noise when you fight, ma'am?" James asked coming along side her as he brushed a trickle of blood away from a gash on his forehead.

"Bend down." Rache ordered, her gaze on the cut as he immediately complied. She wiped at the cut, assessing it and slapped a quick medpatch over it, sealing it. "That will keep the blood out of your eyes. And Kaidan says I make the same noise during sex."

James froze. "Okay, that conversation went a very weird place for me."

"I've been going through an unwanted dry spell. Deal with it." Rache snapped at him before turning a critical gaze to destruction about them.

"Oh, I would, but then you'd kill me." James answered without missing a beat. "You have this whole black widow kill-the-guy-you-just-mated-with vibe going on."

Mid-step she jerked around and stared at him. "That was not an invitation!" Her voice was almost piercing with her outrage.

He gave a dramatic sigh. "You keep breaking my heart like this, ma'am, and I might just jump in front of the next Cerberus bullet that comes my way."

"You do realize that I find it acceptable to break other parts of your body if you keep pissing me off, right?" She snapped slamming a fist against the door lock to open it.

The large man watched her as the door began to cycle open, his eyes oddly compassionate as he looked down at her. "We'll find the Major, ma'am." The reassurance was soft and utterly sincere.

"He wouldn't abandon his duty. He'll be somewhere there is heavy fighting." She finally answered in grim tones. "He's been out of the hospital what? Five minutes? I swear I will kill the Illusive Man and then Kaidan if he gets hurt again."

"See, logic like that would make most people hesitate to follow you into a firefight, Lo…Commander." Vega grinned at the warning look she gave him as the nickname started to roll off his tongue. "Me, I think it's better that crazy with weapons be on your side rather than the one shooting at you."

Rache glared at him. "For the life of me I can't remember why I like having you around."

"Probably because I'm big which means the bad guys will shoot at me first."

"Oh, yeah. That was it." She agreed with a grin before slamming a fist into his shoulder. "Let's go find some bad guys to shoot at you."

* * *

"STOP SHOOTING AT ME, ASSHOLE!"

Rache's roar of rage was lost in the depths of the elevator shaft as she nearly rolled off the top of the car trying to avoid the bullets piercing the roof she had been riding on. James snagged her belt, jerking her back.

"Remind me let that idiot know what I think of his aiming abilities." Rache hissed as the big guy opened the hatch leading down into the now empty car.

She jumped down first, her eyes tracking a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye from the open door leading to the shuttle pad. Gun in one hand, the other clenched and ready to unleash a wave of biotics on whoever needed them most, she flattened her body against the wall just inside the shuttle pad's entrance.

"Seal the door once we're through." She hissed the order before taking a quick look onto the pad. "Kaidan!"

The lone warrior guarding the three politicians jerked his head toward her. "Rache!"

"Shepard's blocking our escape! She's with Cerberus!" Udina called out the warning.

Rache glared at him, her gun rising only to hesitate as Kaidan very deliberately moved into her line of sight.

"Cerberus is coming up that elevator, Kaidan. You take the council back that way and they'll be killed." An evil smile curved her lips. "Let's let Udina go first. After all, I'm starting to get good at replacing them."

"Rache." Kaidan's voice was a warning.

"Udina's leading you into a trap." Her gaze flickered to him and away from the politician as she moved closer. "He's with Cerberus."

"You have no proof!" Udina shouted at her. "You never have proof!"

"Dead people don't require proof." Rache answered sweetly before Kaidan raised an arm blocking her chest and preventing her from moving closer to the Counselor. "Oh, come on, Kaidan!" She began in heated tones.

"I have no doubt that what you say is true, Rache." His voice was low and his gaze intense on her. "But here's a novel thought…let's try diplomacy."

"Sure." Rache sneered. "Diplomacy is great at stopping bullets."

"Enough." Udina snarled at both of them. "I'm unlocking the door before that mad woman gets us all killed."

The other two counselors hesitated, looking first to Rache and then Kaidan. The asari spoke. "We have mistrusted Shepard in the past and it did not help us."

"Step away from the console, Udina." Kaidan said.

"To hell with this." Udina answered, his fingers racing over the controls.

The asari counselor joined him, her hands trying to stop his. He shoved her to the ground pulling a gun and aiming it at her without hesitation as she began to crawl away, her expression stunned.

"Oh, I have wanted to do this for years." Rache said with relish raising her own weapon as Udina realized the true threat and moved his aim toward her. "You have been a pain in my ass since the day…"

Kaidan took the shot.

Udina made no noise as he staggered back, a burst of red showing center over his heart. Gun still clutched in his hand, he fell to the ground, dead before he hit and Rache began to swear.

"That was my kill!" She shouted at Kaidan even as he bent and helped the asari councilor to her feet. "You had no right!"

A wicked smile curved his lips as he sauntered over to her. "Oh, you were planning on killing him? With all that talk I thought you were going to invite him to tea and spend the afternoon gossiping."

Rache made a squeaking noise of outrage as James disguised a laugh by coughing into his fist.

Kaidan did laugh before hooking a finger in the collar of her armor and dragging her close. "By the way, I missed you." His mouth slanted on top of hers.

"Commander, we've got company." Vega made the call from near the sealed door he stood near. The red light of the lock had shifted to green and the door was being cycled open.

"Of course we do!" Rache snarled as Kaidan moved the councilors behind him, gun aimed toward the door leaving her to move off to side of the door, her own weapon at the ready. "I'm in a fucking dry spell! Gods forbid I get any action at all!"

Captain Bailey walked through, a squad at his back, some bearing the insignia of Council Spectres who quickly moved to surround the remaining two members.

"Looks like you took care of things." The C-sec head said to Rache. "Cerberus seems to have retreated for now."

"Spineless dicks." Rache muttered putting her gun up. "Udina's dead."

Bailey glanced over at the corpse. "Bet that felt good."

A sour expression darkened her face. "I wouldn't know." She growled.

"She's just pissed she was talking instead of shooting." Kaidan said with a laugh, joining them. "Rache, I've got to get the Council settled more securely. Right now I'm not sure I trust anyone else to do the job right."

She stiffened in insult and then paused, thinking about it for a moment before giving a nod conceding he was right and it wasn't worth debating when other more important information needed to be passed on. "Kaidan, Thane's hurt. Bad."

Anger warred with duty as Kaidan glanced over at the Council. "I can't leave them alone. Not with Cerberus still running around. Udina could have been working with anyone and the only human I trust around them is me."

"I'll go to Thane." Rache said, her fingers resting on his arm. "I'll let you know."

"Thanks." He pressed a kiss to her lips. "Stay safe, Rache."

"You, too." She replied, a quirky smile curving her lips. "I like seeing you up and about kicking ass." She slapped a hand on his before heading determinedly for the elevators.

Kaidan watched her walk away. His gaze flickered once to Vega who gave him a single nod before the lieutenant fell into line after her. Then Kaidan turned his back on both of them and began coordinating with his fellow Spectres about protecting the council.

* * *

Kaidan entered the hospital room and knew he was too late to say goodbye.

Rache kept her back to him, a sure indication that she was trying to hide what she was feeling, but he only spared her a glance before moving next to the bed and the still and silent drell laying there.

"Go in peace, friend." Kaidan said quietly squeezing Thane's shoulder once.

"Kaidan, this is Kolyat. Thane's son." Rache's words were brief and to the point. Another indication that what she felt was begin carefully controlled.

"He spoke of you." Kaidan said with a smile, shaking the younger drell's hand. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."

"And you as well. My father considered his daily talks with you a comfort and a joy." Kolyat replied.

"I'm sorry I didn't have more time with him." Kaidan continued, his gaze moving to the body once more. "I have a feeling there was a lot he could have shared with me."

"Dead is dead." Rache snarled and stomped out of the room.

"I usually don't bother making excuses for her temper tantrums, but in this case, I will." Kaidan said with a sigh looking at the son. "She respected your father. I think he was one of the few she has ever considered a friend. Losing him…"

"You don't need to make excuses for her." Kolyat smiled. "I understand. My father spoke of her very often because he admired her. And he worried for her. Meeting you, he said, eased some of his worries."

Kaidan gave a soft laugh. "Your father asked me once if I was protecting the universe from Rache or if I was protecting Rache from the universe. I never did have a good answer for him on that one."

"Perhaps the answer changes with the circumstances you are in." Kolyat murmured.

Brown eyes slanted toward the drell. "I see Thane wasn't the only wise member of your family."

Kolyat moved closer to his father's side, a smile of sorrow on his lips. "I would have liked more than memories to teach me all that he wanted me to learn from him."

Nodding, Kaidan was silent, letting the grief settle about them both. "Are there arrangements I can help you make, Kolyat?" The question was soft. "Things are in disarray right now between the reapers attacking and the Cerberus' coup attempt, but my status as Spectre should open some doors if you have any trouble."

"Thank you." Kolyat nodded. "I will contact you if there is a need."

Kaidan let his gaze fall on the dead drell once more, his own mourning a quiet ache. "I'll let you grieve, then." He finally said and withdrew from the room.

* * *

He entered the Captain's cabin on the Normandy, a small duffle in his hands. Rache glanced up from the newsvid she was watching and he had the impression of red, puffy eyes before she quickly looked away, using the long curtain of her loose black hair to hide her face.

"Hey." He said quietly coming closer.

"Hey." She replied still not looking at him as her fingers danced over the vid controls.

Kaidan took his time putting the duffle on their bed, using the delay to decide how to deal with her. "What are you watching?"

"Oh." The word was gruff and she cleared her throat carefully. "Watching you in action today, with the Council, I mean, reminded me that I never saw your Spectre Induction ceremony." She rubbed a shoulder against her cheek. "Pissed me off, actually." This time anger was clearly heard.

"Of course seeing me get made a Spectre would piss you off." His words were dry and earned him a roll of swollen eyes.

"You getting made a Spectre did not piss me off." She stated in irritated tones. "Me not being there pissed me off. You were there for mine. You had my back. You helped me get the posting. Doesn't seem fair that you got yours on your own."

"Since when do you care about fair?" Kaidan laughed softly settling down on the couch near her and grinning as she immediately crawled onto his lap, curving her body against his.

"I don't. I wanted to throw my bra at you just as the turian councilor gave his little speech and shout out what a stud you are." Rache responded and set him laughing.

"That would have been worth sitting through the whole thing." He pushed strands of her hair out of his way not surprised she was still ducking looking at him. "You want to talk about Thane?"

"No." The word was short and determined. "He's hardly the first loss of this war."

Kaidan waited. He'd learned a long time ago that patience got him farther with Rache than prodding.

"Idiot should have fired his damn gun instead of grandstanding. Moron." She snarled. "I would have put a sword in his gut for that stunt myself! And who in hell brings a sword to a gun fight? Really?"

He brushed her long black hair off the back of her neck and pressed his lips to the warm flesh exposed.

"Next time I see that arrogant ass, Kai Leng, I will ventilate some important part of his body." Rache hissed her fists clenched.

Kaidan's fingers worked their way under the edge of her thin tank top, stroking the strong muscles of her abdomen, a teasing touch that slowly moved upward.

"Oh, and the Illusive Man? I have plans for him." An evil chuckle burst from her chest.

He sunk his teeth into the strong muscle of her neck and smiled as he heard the breath she sucked in as her body arched slightly.

"You shot Udina! No sex for you!" She snapped and began to wiggle on his lap.

Kaidan let her move off just enough so that he could get a firm grip on her and flip her about, pressing her back against the couch before moving his weight on top of her, sliding between her legs and quickly subduing the half hearted kick she made toward him. Without a word, a smile of smug domination on his lips, he shoved her shirt up and pressed a kiss to the taunt skin above her navel.

"I'm the only one who gets to enjoy this." She rasped at him, her breath coming short and shallow. "You are forbidden to get your rocks off."

Laughing, he nipped at soft flesh and licked the heavy curve of her left breast. This time, instead of squirming to get away, she tried to shift closer, to press against that so talented mouth.

"If you think this is persuading me you are…" She made a sharp inhale of breath as his mouth settled over her nipple, his tongue rasping against her. "Damn, Kaidan, I missed you." She finished in a sigh pulling her hands from his and starting to shove at his clothing.

Chuckling, Kaidan didn't bother to answer with words.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I didn't expect to like James Vega's character. It's rare that I like a Mac Walters creation, although there is at least one other exception. I blame Freddie Prinze Jr for selling the character so well. Like many parts of ME3, I consider the character development, however, full of wasted potential.

* * *

"When did you know you loved her?"

Kaidan didn't look up, his gaze on his cards as he considered the words casually asked from the big lieutenant across from him.

"I mean, not just sex." James clarified, his dark eyes watching the other man carefully. "When did you know it was the real thing?"

This time Kaidan glanced up. "Our first tour together, after we got shut down by Udina and the Council, before we basically mutinied and took the crew with us. We were locked down on the Normandy. Rache was calmly taking her anger out on her locker by carving the words 'fuck Udina' on it."

James gave a low whistle. "That is calm for her. I'm surprised she wasn't carving on his forehead."

Kaidan laughed. "Or having it tattooed on his back?" The words were innocent.

Jerking out of his indolent pose, James made a strangled noise. "That was not cool! I had an awesome tat planned for my back! It was right in line with the rest of them! She had no right to go bribe that damn batarian to change it!"

Not even bothering to disguise his amusement, Kaidan grinned at his opponent. "If you truly understood Rache, James, you'd have known what she was up to. And that she would make sure she had photos to show everyone."

Grumbling, James settled back in his chair. "That's not right." He muttered again. "She doesn't even like batarians."

"Since when has her liking or not liking someone ever stopped her from getting what she wants?" Kaidan countered still chuckling.

"Nice dodge of my question, too. She teach you that?" James asked in sour tones.

"No, a healthy instinct for survival around a woman who enjoys shooting things when she's angry taught me that." Kaidan responded still amused. "To answer your question I'll give you an observation and a warning…an angry Rache is a Rache that can be reasoned with, oddly enough. A quietly pissed Rache has gone beyond the point of reason and things are about to get messy. As in a mop and possibly a spatula to scrape things off walls will be needed in the cleanup."

"Which was she?" James' temper had faded to curiosity.

"Neither. Both. Somewhere between one and the other." Kaidan gave a one shoulder shrug. "It's in those quiet moments between anger and reason that she's waging a private war with the way she was raised with what she has become."

James frowned in confusion. "The way she was raised? Slavers took out her family."

"When she was sixteen. Before that she had a nice upbringing, actually. Her tutors reported her as quiet and introverted but brilliant." Another laugh escaped Kaidan but this time there was a bitter undertone to it. "One teacher in particular commented what a joy it was to have such a respectful and polite teenager in her class and that dealing with Rachel made her job so much easier."

"Rachel?" James pounced on the name.

Kaidan nodded glancing up at the other man before his gaze fell back to his cards. "Yes. She was Rachel until she was sixteen. She dropped the 'l' legally when she joined the Alliance."

"I didn't know that." There was a quiet blame in James, as if he condemned himself for not learning that.

"Few do. Most think that the way she is has always been there and that her family being killed and the colony taken as slaves is just the excuse she uses to let her homicidal tendencies out. Nothing's that simple." Kaidan tossed a few chips into the pile. "Raise." He said.

"Nobody would call her polite and respectful now. Not even you." James' eyes widened and he shook his head as if the concept were impossible to imagine.

"Because she hates that sixteen year old girl she was. So she tries very hard to make sure she is never that girl again." Kaidan clarified in idle tones.

James scowled at his cards and then the Major. "That's messed up."

Kaidan was quiet, debating for a long moment and then sighed. "Being polite didn't stop the slavers from killing her parents. Being respectful didn't save anyone from the colony that the batarians enslaved and tortured." He murmured.

The big man tilted his head to the side, his expression confused as he tried to understand.

"Do you know how she survived, James? How she managed to be one of the few that wasn't taken or killed?" Kaidan asked and received a negative shake of the head in answer. "She hid. While the batarians were kicking down her family's front door, she managed to wedge herself into a tool crate set just outside her bedroom window, near the back of the house. The rest of her family ran for the back door. When the batarians caught up with them, Rache had the best seat available to listen to the screams of torture and pain her parents and brother went through before they died. All while she made no sound at all and stayed hidden."

"What the fuck was she supposed to do? Take on armed and pissed off slavers?" James snapped at the neutral tone in Kaidan's voice. "The only reason she survived is because she shut up and stayed put."

"That's logic speaking." Kaidan countered quietly. "Rache can't think of that day, that attack with any kind of logic. It's all a big emotional mess for her. In her mind that sixteen year old girl was a coward who hid. A pathetic, incompetent loser who should have made some kind of protest, some kind of action to protect her family rather than stay quiet and protect herself."

"Shit." James made a disgusted noise, shaking his head.

"So in Rache land, the way she was raised, polite, respectful…nice…betrayed her. Nothing in the previous sixteen years of her life prepared her for that day which, in Rache land, means everything that sixteen year old girl believed was wrong and she goes to great lengths to make sure she is never confused with that terrified, impotent coward again." Kaidan let the words hang in the air, breathing deep, keeping his own feelings on the matter carefully contained. "It's worse, now that she is who she is. There's a part of her that looks a how skilled she is, how she can take on impossible odds and come out winning and that part wonders why sixteen year old Rachel didn't take on impossible odds and win and save her family and all of that colony."

Making a disgusted sound, James shook his head and tossed his cards. "Fold. That's not right."

"No, that's Rache. Nothing you or I say will ever penetrate this conviction she has that nice Rache, polite Rache, is a pathetic wimp. Because she believes that, she is determined to never be that sixteen year old girl again. One can look at her actions on Torfan and see she's even fanatical about it."

James watched Kaidan scoop up the chips, carefully adding them to his neatly stacked piles. "It kills you, don't it? That you can't go back in time and fix it for her. Save her. Her family."

Surprised, Kaidan looked up. "Why would I do that, James? Rache is who she is because of what happened that day. Had the batarians never attacked, had she never hid, she would be a very different person than she is now. I happen to love who she is now. While I can hate that she had to go through that, that she still has nightmares about it, I would never take it from her. That would take away who she is." He began shuffling the cards with practiced fingers.

James made a noise Kaidan couldn't interpret and ran a hand over the mohawk on his scalp. "Every time I think I've got her figured, I find out I'm totally wrong."

A light chuckle lifted from Kaidan's throat. "Oh, don't blame yourself for that. Rache may have given up the polite and respectful but she never gave up the brilliant. I don't know exactly how she was before the attack, but I'm guessing she was a watcher. She knows people too well, figures out their buttons too quickly, to be anything else."

"I don't get what that means." James said without guilt taking the cards dealt to him.

"It means she knows what you expect to see when you see her and she makes sure she's that person." Kaidan spoke the words slowly, methodically, letting them sink in. "Not quite a mirror, but definitely a reflection of what you think you see. You want to see a homicidal killer? Rache can do that. You want to see an angry, succeed at all costs soldier? Rache can do that. She knows what you want her to be before you do, James, and she gives you what you want."

He shook his head confused. "Why? Why would someone want to do that? Be what other people expect? That's loco."

Kaidan glanced up from his cards again. "Is it? We tend to find the familiar comforting, James. Contemptible, even. Nothing we, as humans, like better than to prove how superior we are by talking someone else down and a psychotic bitch is an easy target. And while you're talking her down, preening about how much better a person you are than she is, you never notice how the angry, psychotic bitch just convinced you it was your idea to give her exactly what she wanted."

"Fuck." James shook his head, incredulous. "So what was it you expected? When you first met her. What did she convince you she was?"

A slow smile curved Kaidan's lips as he paid an inordinate amount of attention the cards in his hand. "A psychotic bitch who had no problem killing."

More confusion was on the large man's face. "Naw. I don't buy that."

"It's true." Kaidan nodded his head. "I probably saw Rache the exact same way you did the first time you met her."

"Then what changed?" James demanded. "Why would she go for you if you did everything the same as everybody else in her screwed up life?"

"She likes my ass." Kaidan said and tossed several cards to the discard pile.

Uncertain, James stared at him for a long time. "No. I still don't buy that. There has to be something more. Some reason she chose you."

Brown eyes looked up and met brown. "You'll have to ask her." Kaidan finally said without regret for his unhelpfulness.

James gave a disgusted snort and tossed all of his cards. "This hand's shit." He growled. "And you still haven't answered my question."

Kaidan dealt him a new hand. "The first time it occurred to me that I might like her a lot more than a junior officer should was when I watched her choose to talk down a scared woman who wanted nothing more than to make the pain she had suffered being enslaved by batarians stop. Rache could have killed her. Could have taken the shot and ended a bad standoff. Instead Rache was polite. She was respectful and she calmly told Talitha that she would help her and that she could survive what had happened to her." He went back to studying his own cards. "Watching her with Talitha made me realize that I was right in what I'd suspected about Rache being much more complicated than she let on. I was pretty much gone on her after that."

James was quiet for a long moment, considering that. "But when did you know? You said she was carving a love poem to Udina on her locker."

Kaidan laughed. "I really wanted to find that locker and frame it after the Normandy went down and Udina started looking my way for political fodder." He tossed chips into the pot. "Ante up."

James rolled his buy in across the table. "You're draggin' this out waaaaay too long, bro."

"I had already tossed in the towel. Brass said we weren't going anywhere and brass is there to be obeyed." Kaidan continued his narrative. "She hadn't given up. She told me to give her a minute and she'd figure something out. It was then that it settled on me and it was that simple. I believed in her. I loved her. Nothing's really changed since that day by the lockers. She still prefers shooting her way out of a peaceful negotiation and I still love her even when she's driving me nuts."

For a long, silent moment they played, tossing chips and one word challenges to raise and finally call. Kaidan waited it out, patient with the game and the conversation. With letting James settle what he'd learned in his own head in his own way.

Finally Kaidan gave him a one sided smile. "You want the answer to the next question?"

James glanced up at him. "Yeah."

"After we mutinied. Stole the first Normandy and began chasing Saren to Ilos." Kaidan tossed several chips into the pile. "Call. I took a chance and went to her cabin. When she didn't kick me out…or kill me…I knew she loved me."

James laughed. "Full house, Major. Queens high." He laid the cards down.

Good natured, Kaidan gave a nod of his head, tossing his inferior hand down and took a long drink from the frosty glass on his left. "You gonna answer the question now, James?"

The big man froze in the middle of pulling his chips in.

"The one about when you knew you loved her." Kaidan persisted, an oh so helpful smile on his lips.

James looked up, a frown on his face. "We ain't gonna have a throw down before I finish winning all your money, are we?"

"No." Kaidan said with a laugh. "We aren't going to have a throw down at all. We don't need to." He rose and moved to the bar to refill his glass.

"Why not?" James demanded with belligerence.

Kaidan turned and looked him, his expression almost pitying. "Because you're no threat to me, James." The words were oddly gentle.

"Ouch." James responded, a pained look on his face as the door opening caught both men's attention.

Rache sauntered in dressed casually, hoodie with N7 colors on, her face lighting up as she found Kaidan near the bar. "Get a girl a drink, sailor?" She all but purred at him.

"I'm a marine. So are you. Which means you know better than to call me a sailor." Kaidan answered even as he started reaching for her preferred scotch.

"Yeah, but it's so fun to watch your forehead go all scrunchy when I call you a sailor." Rache answered with a laugh joining him. "Who's winning?"

"The Major won." James said forcing a smile. "I'm gonna go do some reps now."

"Won't that hurt your tattoo?" Rache asked with exaggerated concern.

James' face flooded a fierce tomato red. "How much time will I spend in the brig if I answer you the way I want to?"

Kaidan made a negative noise and shook his head. "Wrong question. How much time will you spend in medbay recovering if you answer the way you want to is the correct question."

James growled and walked out without saying anything more.

"I don't think he likes me." Rache said with a dramatic sigh flopping down on the couch.

Kaidan handed her a drink and gave an enigmatic smile before sitting next to her. "Probably better that way." He said before pulling her onto his lap. "How long before the next mission?"

"Long enough for me to finish this drink and fit in a heavy make out session." Rache responded wrapping her arms about his neck.

"I love it when you multitask." Kaidan said with a low laugh before she fit her mouth over his and began.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** A couple of points to clear up what I see as game play and what I see as writing: first off…when writing I don't distinguish between sentinel/adept/engineer/whatever. A biotic is a biotic to me. The only difference will be in how well they do or don't do a particular ability. Second…I hate the selective derphood of cutscenes in a game. How you can have a biotic smash down a glass partition in a cutscene, but my sentinel can't do it in the game itself to rescue someone in trouble. Or, and this is one I really hate…Shepard is running toward the shuttle and either gets shot at or runs back to protect civilians and her crew, in my case usually Vega and Kaidan, instead of helping will be kicked back on the shuttle like they're on a break. When I write scenes involving a mission from the game, these moments of idiocy don't happen. Also, I feel that if a biotic can make a geth colossus float like a feather in ME1, they should be able to do the same thing to an Atlas in ME3.

**A/N2:** I would like to thank a friend of mine for pointing out something in previous one shots with Rache that I missed. However, my artistic integrity prevents me from going back and picking a single color. So, in this clarification one shot you will now understand that Rache's differing hair colors was completely intentional and simply too deep for you to understand the true meaning of. That's my story and I'm sticking with it. Once I stop laughing at myself for screwing up something so obvious.

* * *

"Okay. Enough. Pick a color."

Rache glanced up still rubbing a towel through her long wet hair and gave the naked man glaring at her from the bed a curious study. "What color am I supposed to pick and for what?"

"Your hair. Pick a damn color, Rache." Kaidan ran a hand over his morning stubble. "This is what…the fourth color I've seen on you in the last six months?"

Picking up the strands of hair that were now a bright lavender shade not found in the human genome she frowned at it. "You don't like purple?"

"It's not the color, Rache, it's how often you change it. I swear I get used to one color just as you change it again." He grumbled heading toward the steaming cup sitting on the coffee table.

"Hey, that's mine!" She said more to be a pain in the ass than because she actually cared. "And I don't remember you being this cranky in the mornings."

He snorted before taking a long sip. "Right. Because we've had so many mornings together." The words were scornful.

Rache crossed her arms under her breasts threatening to dislodge the towel wrapped about her and gave him a narrow eyed stare. "Keep up the attitude and we'll be having a lot less of them together."

Kaidan made a sputtering noise, his eyes bugging as he stared at her. "Attitude? _Me?_" A snort of derision huffed from his chest. "Pot meet kettle. You'll notice you're both black."

"Now you're being racist."

Closing his eyes, Kaidan lifted his head as if addressing a higher deity. "Please explain to me why I started this conversation?"

"Because you're cranky in the mornings." Rache gave him a cheeky grin and moved past him to her armor locker. "I'm thinking of changing the color scheme of my armor to match my hair. What do you think? What color should I pick?"

He exhaled a deep breath before turning his brown eyes to her, shaking his head and mumbling into his coffee as he headed toward the shower.

Rache gave a snickering laugh and wondered which colors and pattern on her armor would irritate him the most.

* * *

"What's up with the new hair color?" James Vega asked as the two Spectres stopped by the armory on their way to the shuttle.

"Don't." Kaidan stated in flat tones walking past him.

A puzzled expression creased the big guy's face. "What's with the attitude?"

Rache laughed as Kaidan gave James a sour look. "Mister Cranky woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." She answered.

James looked at her first and then back to Kaidan. "Yeah, okay. I'm out of this." He held up his hands up as if in surrender.

"You do know there are actual lives at stake, right?" Kaidan glared at Rache. "That rates a bit higher on the scale of important things than your damn hair color."

Rache's eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth with a blistering retort only to be preempted by James.

"What's up, Major?" He asked with a frown. "Someone you know in this Academy we're headed to?"

"Grissom Academy." Kaidan said turning his back to both of them as he began pulling out his favorite assault rifle. "It's a school for biotic kids."

Rache made an almost silent sound of comprehension as his mood since they'd been told of the mission began to make sense. "Do you know someone there?"

"Does it matter if I know someone there?" He slammed his locker closed. "Those kids get treated like shit for an accident of their birth, get dragged from everything familiar by some suits who show up on their door one day, they finally get a little acceptance, a little security and what happens? Fucking Cerberus happens. Because biotic kids make real good weapons."

Rache moved closer to him, laying a hand on his armor. "And when they grow into adults they make real dangerous people to piss off. 'Specially if they have Spectre in their title." Her voice was firm, a promise of mayhem to come.

A half smile curved Kaidan's lips and he squeezed the hand on his chestplate and took a moment to simply breathe and settle, accepting the comfort she offered. "A lot of my students…my biotic spec ops crew…are Grissom graduates. Gives it a personal feel."

A snort escaped from Rache. "Yeah. Your biotic team gives it a personal feel. Not like you can relate to the students or anything. After all, you were never taken away from home and schooled on a space station in the ass-end of nowhere." She paused, considering. "I'm going on record as stating right now that any girls named Rahna are immediately on my shit list. Think there are any turian instructors?" A predatory smile touched her lips as her gaze became unfocused and she stared off into some private fantasy.

Kaidan laughed, shaking his head. "Let's go find out." He said and moved toward the shuttle.

* * *

Rache kept an eye on Kaidan as they entered the station, clearing the cargo room quickly. He was on edge, a place she didn't see him often and it made her more cautious than she otherwise would have been. A silent conversation made mainly with eye contact and a jut of her head with James had the lieutenant giving a quick nod and unobtrusively taking up space on Kaidan's flank, guarding him as they wove their way into the main halls.

"You want lead on this one, Major?" Rache posed the question, distracting him as the other spectre's too clever eyes were turning toward Vega with an obvious question. "You've been here before, haven't you?"

"Several times. There's a military program here that I was asked to consult on." Kaidan agreed with a nod as the overhead com came on and a voice began announcing that the station had been overtaken by Cerberus and that the students were better off surrendering. "Might be better if you take lead. If they've been broadcasting that propaganda shit for very long then the students will be suspicious, wondering who is friend or foe. Your face and name are more recognizable than mine."

"Even with the glow in the dark hair?" Vega asked with skepticism and earned a glare from the only woman in the group.

Kaidan laughed softly. "Yeah. Even then."

"Then let's find this Sanders chick and get it done." Rache took point flicking the safety off her assault rifle.

Finding Sanders proved easily enough. The blue eyed blonde was holed up in the main server room trying to regain control of the systems Cerberus had taken over. She glanced at Rache as they entered the room before her gaze immediately went to the man just behind her.

"Major Alenko." She greet with obvious relief. "I am very happy to see you."

Rache's eyes narrowed as she watched the older woman embrace Kaidan.

"Director Sanders, it's good to see you alive." He returned the bulky hug and quickly stepped back. "How many students are left?"

"Less than twenty." She moved toward the security panels. "Most of the students were sent home when we heard of the Reaper invasion."

"Sent home? To Earth?" Rache immediately asked, her expression confused. "Were they that lousy of students that you sent them certain death?"

"Rache." Kaidan made her name a warning and followed it up with a reproving look.

"What? It's a legitimate question." She demanded in affront.

"Not all of the students were from Earth." Sanders answered in short tones. "Some were rerouted to the Citadel or other colonies offering sanctuary like the one on Horizon."

Rache gave an exaggerated shudder. "Don't mention Horizon. Bad break-up."

"We didn't break up, we were just on a break." Kaidan corrected with a growl while James hid a grin.

"Yeah. Whatever." Rache gave a one shoulder shrug.

"Most of the students that remained volunteered. Some are prototyping tech for the Alliance. Others are biotics training for military operations, working together as biotic artillery." Sanders continued as she tapped instructions on the console before her. "Our students are…unique resources."

"They aren't resources they're kids." Kaidan's voice held an edge. "They can just use biotics."

Sanders winced and opened her mouth as if to apologize only to be cut off by a transmission.

"This is Froeberg. There are students trapped in Orion Hall. Cerberus has us boxed in. They're closing fast!"

"Dammit!" Sanders hissed.

"Orion Hall?" Rache asked in almost idle tones as she hefted her assault rifle.

"Back out the door and down the hallway." Sanders pointed toward the door they'd come in. "I can get the door open."

"We'll bring them back here and we'll make a run for the shuttle." Kaidan stated already on the move, Rache and James quickly following.

"I'll stay put and see if I can't regain control of some of our systems." Sanders agreed. "Good luck."

"Maybe we should have the conversation about who is taking lead again…" Rache began as they quickly moved down the hall, the doors opening before them.

"Oh, hell, no." Kaidan ground out with anger suddenly surging forward down the corridor.

A trio of Cerberus agents were just beyond a glass wall, two of them casually following while a third callously dragged a male student along the ground by his ankle. Kaidan slid his assault rifle to his back opening up both hands and arms wide before surging them forward, fingers now clenching as the biotic rush burst from him smashing the glass into shards that scattered everywhere.

"James, I've got the one on the right!" Rache called out chasing after the Major while raising her own weapon and firing short controlled bursts at the Cerberus soldiers who were slowly reacting.

Kaidan was already leaping over the wall, his left hand making a grabbing motion that snagged the Cerberus agent who'd been towing the student and sent him high into the air before smashing him back down with an audible crack.

Rache's barrel moved toward the last standing enemy only to watch his head explode in a gush of brain matter and blood from James' deadly aim.

"Are you okay?" Kaidan demanded of the teenager who had shallow cuts from the shards of glass.

"Ma..Major Alenko!" The boy gaped at him in stunned shock. "Y..yes! I'm…thank you, Major Alenko!"

"Kahlee Sanders is the security room back behind us." Rache joined them casually reloading her weapon, James at her back doing the same. "Haul ass back there, kid."

"We'll get the rest of the students and join you." Kaidan gave him an encouraging nod and helped the student to his feet.

The boy took off running back the way the trio of Alliance soldiers had come, jumping the wall and not looking back.

"Bastards." Kaidan growled glaring down at the corpses at their feet with eyes that shimmered with blue and black waves.

"Easy there, sexy. What now?" Rache asked with a wicked grin that quickly dimmed as the overhead com come on.

"Attention all students. Cerberus operatives have taken the station. If you surrender peacefully, you will not be harmed." A polite voice instructed.

"Riiiight." Rache gave a derisive snort as Kaidan shook his head. "Cerberus is all about the peace and love and turning innocent people into mindless drones."

"Orion Hall is this way." He told her pulling his gun off his back once more.

Voices were heard as they cleared the next doorway. A boy, shaking with exhaustion, held a barrier firm against two Cerberus troopers patiently waiting outside the biotic wall.

"The file says we need to bring you back alive, it doesn't say anything about your sister. She's around here somewhere. How about we go find her and see how…" The words were never finished as Rache's shot sliced through the back of his neck and exploded from the front of his throat to ricochet harmlessly off the teenager's barrier.

Kaidan and James both fired as the last soldier began to turn about only to continue in a graceful pirouette, arms flung out, as the force of their bullets slammed into him.

The boy sank to his knees, the barrier falling as he sucked in deep breaths of air.

Kaidan ran a critical eye over him before glancing Rache's way. "No injuries. Just burnout."

She nodded. "There may be more about. Better play dead until we clear the area and then get to safety with Kahlee Sanders in security." She addressed the boy who gave an exaggerated nod, his body still trembling.

"My sister…Seanne…is out here somewhere, too." He panted.

"We'll find her." James reassured him with a firm nod. "Just stay safe."

Rache was already moving past them, her gaze darting about as she searched.

The overhead com came on again. "Attention students. I know you're scared. But Cerberus can keep you safe. The Alliance has failed you. Earth has fallen. Fighting now dishonors your parents and your friends."

Rache tossed her head, glaring toward the ceiling. "Okay, when we find that guy, I get to shoot him in the face first. And second. Then you guys can have a turn."

They began moving more quickly without needing the extra urging. The debris of where crates and desks had been tossed together to block areas made searching more difficult. Teaching areas were in complete disarray and they entered one in time to see a fleeing student gunned down from the back without even a final death scream.

Rache made a growling noise, low in her throat even as she motioned them to cover behind some desks.

"Watch the headshots!" One of the Cerberus troopers snapped at his companion. "We're supposed to take them alive!"

"Who was it?" The other said with a trace of apprehension.

There was a pause. "Honaker. Math genius. Good. Not one of the priority targets."

The pair wandered into view and Rache opened fire getting a kill with three shots while Kaidan did the same with only two. James made a vicious motion to stay down as they were about to rise and tossed a grenade into the entrance of another corridor just as several Cerberus soldiers began to show their heads, drawn by the sound of gunfire.

The grenade exploded sending body matter, pieces of wall and nearby desks flying into the air but more poured in through the doorway. Smoke filled the air with its acrid stench. James tossed another grenade into the thick of the cloud and was rewarded with screams of pain as Kaidan and Rache fired their assault rifles into the mix, quickly marking targets that were careless enough to expose an elbow or leg…or in one instantly fatal moment, a head.

"Clear." Kaidan called out as the smoke began to clear and they began to search the fallen for signs of life.

"Clear." James agreed as Rache nodded, her gaze resting briefly on the body of the dead student, her expression hard.

Moving on she reloaded her weapon, scavenged several ammo clips from the dead Cerberus soldiers and tossed James the grenades she found.

"Hear that?" Kaidan asked, his hand motioning for them to quiet.

Rache and James moved their weapons to the ready in a movement that couldn't have been more graceful had it been timed.

Kaidan quickly moved around the corner, the other two in his wake as the moaning noise could now be heard over the Cerberus propaganda spouter. A young teenage girl was struggling vainly to rise, her hands pressed to her stomach where an ominous stain of red was spreading throughout the burgundy and black of her uniform.

"Shit! Get some medigel on her before she bleeds out." James was already offering his pack even as Kaidan crouched next to the girl, his gauntlet covered hands shoving the material aside to see the wound and spread the medigel on it directly.

"Seanne, you're going to be okay." Kaidan's voice was low and utterly convinced.

Rache took a protective stance over them, her gaze darting about in case more Cerberus troops showed up.

"Ma..jor Alenko?" There was surprise in her voice. "Are you really…?"

"Rielly is safe, Seanne. I sent him back to Kahlee Sanders in security. Can you make it on your own?" The words were no less gentle for all their gentle nature, his eyes intense as he studied her.

Determined, she rose to her feet. "Yeah. I can make it. Just…I need to rest for a minute."

"You can rest when you're…" Rache began with irritation.

"We've cleared the area. You should be safe to go back the way we came." Kaidan cut her words off with determination. "We'd help but there are more students we need to find and save."

"N-no. I can do it." Seanne said, determined and began to stumble away.

Kaidan slanted a look at the woman next to him. "Cut her some slack, Rache."

"If she can talk, she can damn well move and stop being a liability." Rache snapped back. "Meanwhile there are other students we can be helping who are actually in danger and not hiding out like little cowards!"

"Hey, Lola, too far." James shook his head, disapproving.

Kaidan inhaled a deep, cleansing breath, his gaze never leaving Rache. "This isn't Mindoir, Rache, and she isn't you. Let it go."

"Fall in." Rache snarled back before stomping down the corridor once more.

"Hey, Major, how come you know all their names?" James asked as a way to distract Rache's anger.

Kaidan cleaned the injured girl's blood off his gloves as best he could, wiping it on a nearby cushioned bench. "I know most of them. I recruited for the Alliance Special Warfare Center and School directly from the Ascension Project. Trained them to be biotic soldiers capable of covert ops. Rielly, the boy we saved earlier, was on my watch list."

"Which means he's on Cerberus' list as well." Rache called over her shoulder.

As if cued, the Cerberus announcer came on then. "Rielly Bellarmine, we know your parents are on Earth. Come with us. Show us how to use those prototype mechs you've been working on." There was a pause. "We're the only hope you have of retaking Earth and saving your parents."

"Son of a bitch." James spat the words, his expression fierce with anger. "That ain't right. Messin' with a kid's head that way."

"Rache." Kaidan joined her, his features intense as he looked down at her. "You know I usually don't like to interfere in your quest for violence and retribution, especially since you're so…energetic…when you come down off an adrenalin mission." He stopped and seemed to choose his words with care. "When we find that Cerberus asshole, he's mine. We clear on that?"

She lifted a dark purple eyebrow at him, her green eyes glinting with humor. "You shot Udina. So it's first come first kill with that bastard who likes the sound of his own voice as far as I'm concerned."

A slow, determined smile curved his lips. "You're on, Shepard."

"Watch my ass as I lead the way, Alenko." She countered and began to move.

Both men hesitated, their eyes drawn to the same curve of cheek encased in armor as she wove through the corpses of the dead.

"Damn." James muttered under his breath.

Kaidan gave a low chuckle of agreement and quickly caught up to her.

"We would prefer your willing compliance…but this is war. We will do what is necessary." A new edge was heard in the voice of the announcer.

"They're getting impatient." Kaidan said his gaze searching about the area for enemy targets. "That's not a good sign."

"Let's pick up the pace." Rache murmured and broke into an easy lope.

They encountered very little resistance in the next few rooms and finally were in the main corridor leading to Orion. Rache slammed the door open as Kaidan and James crouched next to her, ready to take on whatever was beyond the portal that was between them and the students they had come to save.

Three students, mere teenagers were facing off against Cerberus soldiers in the main area of the hall before them. An auburn haired boy at the front of them clenched his fists and let loose a biotic wave that slammed the soldiers into solid, unforgiving objects. None of the enemy troopers moved again.

"Jason!" Kaidan called the name with obvious relief, sprinting forward.

"Kaidan?" Stunned hope lit the boy's face as he jerked toward them. "I mean…Major Alenko!"

"What the hell?" Rache made the words a low question to James as they chased after the spectre in front of them.

"Got me, Lola. You're the one sleeping with the Major, shouldn't you know?" James retorted keeping pace with her.

A snarl curled her lips as she made to answer and instead movement to her left drew her attention. "Oh, fuck me." Rache all but moaned the words as she slammed to a halt. "Kaidan! Atlas! Nine o'clock!" The words were hollered from her deep in her diaphragm, carrying across the room.

Jason saw the big mech the same time she did and went sliding across the floor, putting himself between the Cerberus beast and the students he'd been guarding. Quickly coming to his feet, he lifted his palms, a blue-black shimmer of a barrier rising about them just as a missile fired from the arm of the Atlas. The biotic wall absorbed the shockwave while rejecting the projectile, tossing it harmlessly to the side, its energy spent.

Kaidan was blocked by a large square pillar that he quickly circumnavigated shoving his assault rifle to its holster on his back as he brought his own biotics into play. With almost casual effort he lifted the Atlas off the ground letting it drift as James and Rache opened fire doing heavy damage to the shields.

"Everyone get back!" Jason called to his fellow students, motioning them back toward the staircase they were at the bottom of. "Let Major Alenko handle this!"

"Kaidan, toss a singularity!" Rache called the order building up a wave of her own biotics, the warp pulse surging from her in time with Kaidan's power combining into an explosion just as they hit the mech.

James emptied a clip into the now vulnerable Atlas before ducking down behind a planter just as it blew. "Shit! We've got bogies behind us!" He quickly dodged flying molten pieces of metal, circling about the planter, keeping the protection between him and the bullets now flying in his direction.

Rache raised her own barrier to the front, allowing Kaidan to move up on her flank while bullets ricocheted harmlessly away from them.

"We need to protect the kids!" Kaidan shouted at they took cover.

"Killing the assholes shooting at us protects them." Rache retorted before darting out of cover, finding a target and sending several bullets flying into the centurion before ducking back down again.

"Less talking, more shooting, Lola!" James shouted at her.

"You call me Lola again and it's going to be me shooting at you." She snapped back joining Kaidan as they both left their protection to shoot at the Cerberus operatives and then returned to reload.

"Exactly what is it about you that makes him think of a cross dressing man, Rache?" Kaidan asked with genuine curiosity slamming a new clip into his gun.

"No idea." Rache responded as bullets sent chips of the pillar she was crouched by bouncing off her shoulder guards. "But if he gets that song stuck in my head I'm putting a bullet in his ass."

"Aww, damn, there it goes." Kaidan muttered with disgust. He began to hum under his breath as he broke cover. "L-O-L-A, Lola."

Rache swore low and vicious. "That's it. He's getting a bullet in his ass." She pronounced with determination taking her ire out on the hapless Cerberus agents who were unlucky enough to come into her sites.

The firefight lasted less than five minutes before James ended the last two troopers with a well placed grenade. Kaidan opened his mouth to give the big man a warning but was interrupted by the kids climbing down the stairs.

"Thanks, Kaidan. Cerberus hasn't given us time to catch our breath." The auburn haired boy who'd shown such an amazing barrier wiped the back of his hand against his brow. "I tried to set up a defensive perimeter, but I don't know how much longer we could have held out."

"Don't sell yourself short, man." James told the kid with a nod of his head, soldier to soldier. "You did better than most."

Kaidan shoved Rache's gun away from the Lieutenant's posterior. "Revenge comes after the mission is completed, Rache." He told her before moving past both of them. "Well done, Jason. You kept your people close and alive. I couldn't have done better myself."

"The minute we are back on the Normandy, I am shooting you in the ass." Rache hissed at Vega who gave her a confused look.

"Thanks, Major. I guess all that extra practice with you on my barriers really paid off." The teenager grinned up at Kaidan as if his hero had just come to town.

Kaidan grinned. "Jason, this is Commander Rache Shepard, the first human Spectre." He motioned to Rache before deliberately moving between her and Vega. "Rache, this is Ensign Jason Prangley. One of the most promising students in the Ascension project."

Jason gave her a nod and then quickly returned his attention to Kaidan. "Our instructor…he…well…I guess I'm in charge."

"You've done a helluva job, Ensign. Now we're getting you out of here." Rache informed him.

"Major Alenko, do you remember me?" The words were rushed from a female ensign who moved to Prangley's side, her expression excited in a way that had Rache's eyes narrowing.

"Ensign Rodriguez." Kaidan said with a nod. "Of course. How are your lifts coming?"

Another student in the group behind them gave a snort. "You mean how aren't they coming." He corrected with a snort.

"Stow it, Miere." Prangley gave the order as color surged up the teenage girl's face. "Ka..Major Alenko, we need a bit to recharge. They've been after us for hours. We burned closed to a thousand calories."

Rache watched, fascinated as Kaidan gave the youth a studied look and a half smile.

"It's okay. How long do you need?" Kaidan asked reaffirming the ensign's authority and leaving the command decision up to him.

The teenager seemed to hesitate, looking first to the students behind him and then back to Kaidan as if surprised the decision was being left up to him. Something shifted in him, then, changing, and he stiffened his chin and straightened tall and strong. He faced his fellow students once more.

"Okay, guys." The words were firm and demanded obedience. "Grab a quick bite and check your amps for damage. We move in five." The order was given as he climbed the stairs passing through them, leaving the unspoken command to follow, which they did.

"Jason." Kaidan called the youth's name as he pulled several of his own reserve of protein bars from the zippered pouch on his left thigh and tossed them to him. "Spread these around. They're what the Alliance has its field biotics eat in a pinch. It will restore you faster."

"Will do, sir." Jason gave a nod and had barely held out a hand before several of the female ensigns had snatched them and began glancing at Kaidan with giggles.

Kaidan appeared to ignore them as he moved to Rache's side and slowly crouched before her.

"Please, dear." Rache drawled in tones that were more of a purring invite than an objection. "Not in front of the children."

James gave a snort and began climbing the stairs after the kids.

"Vega's got to learn how to do it right sometime." Kaidan answered in mild tones as he unzipped her own thigh pocket and withdrew several more of the emergency bars.

"Hey!" The Lieutenant protested not stopping his movement, just turning to look at them.

Rache laughed as Kaidan rose to his feet and nearly bumped into Ensign Rodriguez who had moved closer.

"Excuse me, Major." The girl said with hesitation even as she took one of his offered protein bars. "I wanted…I had a question…do you ever forget the first time you kill someone?" The last was said with a rush.

Kaidan stiffened just enough that Rache was the only one to notice and she stepped forward wanting to smack the little bitch into the wall. A tug on her arm and an almost imperceptible shake of his head had her backing down. A little. Just enough to let him deal with the girl.

The teenage girl seemed to falter for a moment and then rallied. "I ask…because today was mine…and I…"

"No." Kaidan answered quietly after her words had trailed off to silence. "You don't forget. It stays with you. You can either let it weigh you down…or use it to make yourself stronger, Ensign Rodriguez. Your choice. I chose to let the memory make me stronger."

"Okay." The young woman nodded, her expression seeming to ease, to find comfort. "Okay. I can do that. Okay." She gave him a tentative smile and then raced up the stairs protein bar in hand.

"She grabs your ass at any time in the next hour and I'm taking her down." Rache stated in blunt tones glancing from the girl to Kaidan. "I don't care if her little crush is returned by you or not."

"She's a child, Rache. Chill." Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Today's been traumatic in a lot of ways. She just wants to feel safe again, that doesn't mean she has a crush. Any male figure would do."

Rache gave a snort of derision. "I was a teenage girl once, Kaidan." She informed him in arched tones. "I know what a crush is. I also know what I was willing to do to get the attention of the guy I had the hots for. Right now she's probably deciding the best way to add that protein bar to her little Shrine of Alenko rather than chew it down like she should."

The expression he gave her was confused exasperation. "Where do you come up with these ideas, Rache?" He asked the rhetorical question moving past her and toward a wall near them that held a long list of names and athletic achievements proudly hailed by Grissom Academy.

"I'm just saying." Rache answered. "And if her first name is Rahna, all bets are off."

"You're delusional, Rache." He called back over his shoulder.

Rache very pointedly dropped her gaze to the tight muscles of his butt. "That's because you don't see what I see, Kaidan." She retorted.

He didn't answer, lost in his own thoughts as he stared up at the board. She followed his line of sight and saw the name that seemed to interest him where it was repeated over and over as a record holder in all but two of the categories listed.

"Jirel Jamison." Rache read the name quietly. "You know her."

"One of my first students." Kaidan agreed, his voice hushed. "I sent her into a Cerberus operation. Covert. We needed intel on what they were up to. She was to report only to me, that's how dicey the situation was. Three months into the assignment she sent me the intel we were after…and I never heard anything from her after that." There was grief in his words. And guilt. "We never were able to locate her body."

"Sounds like she fulfilled her mission." Rache said her gaze now on the quiet pain he was showing.

"She did." Kaidan agreed with a nod. "But at what cost? Every time we go up against one of Cerberus' phantoms I wonder…is that Rel? Is that what became of her?" He shook his head. "I should have…" The words faded out.

"Should have what? Put her in a nice cushioned enviro suit and protected her against the galaxy?" Rache shook her head. "No. I don't know her, Kaidan, but if she earned all those pretty records that her name is in front of on this board, then she was ambitious and she was confident and she was determined. That's why you got the intel she went after. She got things done. At any cost. That is a soldier to honor. Not regret."

"She reminded me of you." Kaidan murmured, still not looking away from the name. "In fact…when you were dead…for a while there, I thought maybe…"

"Okay, now I hate her guts and hope she died painfully." Rache crossed her arms over her chest.

"_Rache!_" Kaidan glared at her.

"What?" She demanded. "A student/master relationship I could care less about. You go all Lolita on her…"

"Lolita?" Kaidan cut the words off with indignation. "She was twenty!"

Rache's mouth dropped open. "You _slept_ with her?"

"No, I didn't!" He answered quickly, his hands moving to a defensive position. "How do you get me in the middle of these conversations, Rache? Shit!" He tossed his hands in the air and stomped toward the stairs. "And at least she kept her hair one color!"

"Lame comeback, Alenko." Rache called after him, unabashedly watching his butt. "Very lame."

"Shut up, Rache."

A mischievous chuckle quietly escaped her part lips as she grinned. "Not grieving over dead students or remembering your first kill now, are you, Kaidan?" The words were barely audible and supremely self-satisfied.

She gave the board and the name Jirel Jamison one final look before following after him.


	11. Chapter 11

"Everyone be ready." Kaidan called out as the students gathered around him. "Lieutenant Vega and I will go first and draw their fire. Commander Shepard will follow up the rear covering our flank…"

"I have lots of practice covering Major Alenko's flank." Rache drawled in suggestive tones, her green eyes looking directly at Ensign Rodriguez who flushed and mouthed a response. "Oh, you have no idea how much of a bitch I…"

"Rodriguez and I can assist Commander Shepard." Ensign Prangley offered quickly slamming an elbow in his fellow student's ribcage.

"Sounds good." Kaidan gave Rache a hard glare that she returned with blinking innocence.

"I like it." Vega chimed in. "Keeps the injured and more vulnerable safer in the middle."

"Alright, people. Do what you can. Hit the enemy with everything you've got." Kaidan ordered as omni-tools on the students arms began to light up.

"Students of Grissom Academy, the station is sealed. The Alliance soldiers cannot save you. All they can do is get you killed. Surrender peacefully and you won't be harmed." The Cerberus propaganda announcer spoke in soothing, comforting tones.

"Don't listen to him." Ensign Prangley ordered his fellow students. "He's just messing with your heads."

"Dammit, they're messaging everyone." Kahlee Sanders voice chimed in next from the omni-tools. "Students, switch your omni-tools to privacy mode so they can't track you."

"What if…" Rodriguez began, her voice hopeful. "What if they're not lying?"

"Oooh, oooh! Teacher!" Rache raised her hand and bounced on her feet, her grin two degrees short of malicious as Kaidan raised fingers to his forehead as if pained. "I volunteer Ensign Rodriguez to go find out if Cerberus is lying or not."

The look Kaidan shot her promised retribution before he turned a softer look on the young teenager. "I've seen firsthand what Cerberus does to people they promise not to harm. Before they got their hands on her, Commander Shepard was courteous and cared deeply for others. Now look at her. _That_ is what Cerberus does."

Vega quickly covered his mouth, turning to the side and pretended to fiddle with his gun while the students gave Rache varying looks of alarm and pity.

"Major Alenko isn't going to let anything happen to us." Ensign Prangley declared with the ardent tones of a true believer while Rache mouthed the words 'you'll pay for that' in Kaidan's direction.

"Yeah." Rodriguez looked at Kaidan with worshipful eyes. "Yeah. Okay." She nodded firmly and missed Rache rolling her eyes.

"Let's go." Kaidan pulled his gun off his back and took the front.

Rache watched as Rodriguez's gaze instantly fell to his ass, as silly smile on her face. "Hey, Rodriguez." The words were soft and too sweet and Rache waited until the younger girl looked at her, trepidation on her face. "Mine."

Rodriguez made a sneering face only to be quickly pulled to the side by Prangley who started giving her hissed orders.

"Aren't you better than intimidating girls half your age, Lola?" James asked shaking his head, his disapproval belied by the grin on his face.

"Half my age?" Rache arched an eyebrow at him. "Remind me to shoot you more than once in the ass when we get back to the Normandy."

The grin faltered and James decided it was prudent to join Kaidan near the front of the group.

Rache took her duties as rearguard with a seriousness that seemed at odds with her almost vindictive humor, but she'd led soldiers often enough to understand that the most dangerous ones were those strung tight on battle nerves. These kids weren't hardened soldiers, they were civilians who'd had their world turned topsy-turvy and were hanging on by a thread. If those they looked to for leadership were laughing and seemed calm and carefree…well, what did they have to worry about then? Those in charge knew the risks and if they weren't concerned it had a calming effect.

And calm would keep them obeying orders and prevent friendly fire accidents.

Making their way through the Academy took more time than she would have liked. They were frequently stopped by pockets of Cerberus soldiers determined to stop them and more than few wounds were picked up as they moved. Kahlee and the students with her met them in the last corridor as they headed toward the shuttle just as Cerberus made a final surge.

"Go!" Rache snarled at the two teenagers next to her as she sent a shockwave pounding down toward the group of troopers.

A grenade went off closer than her barriers liked, leaving her temporarily light blind and her hearing nothing but a ring. By the time the modifications the Illusive Man had made in her body kicked in and her own armor's medigel were used, Rache had lost track of the two students.

A desperate search found Prangley on the other side of another glass wall, near the shuttle doors and relieved she raced from the room she was in, taking the lead toward him.

"Where's Rodriguez?" He immediately demanded as she came near.

Her footsteps faltered and his gaze moved past her just as bullets were heard in the room beyond the glass wall. Jerking around she found the slim teenager running away from the determined Cerberus soldiers who were already lifting their guns and taking aim. Rodriguez began a slide across the floor that brought her into the scant cover of a long bench that she quickly put her back against. A cover that would last only seconds at best.

"She needs covering fire!" James shouted slamming the butt of his rifle against the glass.

"She's not going to make it!" Prangley shouted as his fists began to glow and he sent his arms flowing forward, the power he called slamming into the glass and shattering it, knocking back the enemy soldiers who had been single-mindedly running toward their victim.

Rache leaped over the now empty frame, her gun spitting bullets at the recovering Cerberus agent, more to distract than to harm as she crouched next to Rodriguez and wrapped her arm about her waist. The girl stumbled, something wrong with her leg, but Rache dragged her on, not letting up. Bullets from the troopers began to ricochet about them. They ignored the return fire Vega was making, preferring the easier prey of a wounded target.

Rache all but threw Rodriguez over the empty frame that had held the glass wall. Prangley was next to them, but rather than help them either over or to their feet he threw up another barrier, blocking the enemy bullets from hitting them.

"Rache!" Kaidan shouted as she dove over the barrier herself, coming out of the roll to rise to her feet and turn, returning fire. He bolted from the interior of the shuttle where he'd been settling a wounded student and raced toward them even as James began dropping Cerberus troopers with his steady aim.

"I've got her!" Rache answered once more getting Rodriguez to her feet.

Prangley turned, saw how close they were to the shuttles and dropped his barriers to run after them.

"Jason!" Kaidan shouted seeing the remaining Cerberus soldiers adjust their aim to the now vulnerable target.

Bullets sliced through the air and blood flew.

Rache hefted Rodriguez into the interior of the shuttle shoving her into a seat before quickly returning, her gaze searching the skirmish area. James, a wounded Prangley tossed casually over his shoulder all but shoved her out of the way to get him onto the craft.

Kaidan was in his element. One hand directed a Cerberus soldier caught in his biotic grip be smashed like a bowling ball into a nearby squad, the other tossed a singularity that sent several more flying. With a final push he sent a surge of energy slamming forward knocking every single opponent still standing off of their feet.

"Stop playing with your toys and get your ass on this bird, Kaidan Alenko." Rache called in cranky tones that hid the relief surging through her.

"You're just mad I had all the fun." He countered as he joined her, a single tug at her waist pulling her into his arms as the shuttle door closed and his mouth found hers.

She gave a breathless laugh once he'd let her go. "I thought I told you not in front of the kids." She teased.

"I'm glad you're okay." He answered before his dark gaze moved to the injured student on the floor. "How's Jason?" The question was directed at Vega.

"Caught one in the thigh. Nothing major hit. He'll live." James said with not looking up from his efforts to temporarily patch the hole.

Kaidan settled on the floor next to the boy with pain whitened features. "You did good, Jason. Real good."

Blue eyes looked up at him with hopeful need. "You think so, Kaidan? I tried to think what you would do if you were there."

"We thought Prangley was just bragging. Brownnosing." Rodriguez said to Rache, her own features pasty enough that the spectre decided it might be a good idea to sit next to her and keep an eye on the wounded teenager. "Saying he knew the famous Major Kaidan Alenko on a first name basis. The only L2 biotic spectre. The one who was living proof that biotics could control themselves. That we weren't freaks and we could contribute good things to humanity."

"No." Kahlee Sanders joined them. "They've known each other a long time." She sat next to Rache. "Jason Prangley came to Grissom when he was six years old. Barely spoke a word. He was so shy back then."

Rodriguez nodded her agreement. "He was always reading. Studying battles."

Rache studied the young man joking quietly with her man. "What changed?" She asked, her quick mind already having a fairly good idea.

"Major Alenko came. He was only a Staff Lieutenant back then but he was one of the few combat soldiers who was not only a biotic, but also an L2. So we studied him." Kahlee smiled at the memories. "He quickly found he had a shadow. After a while…and a lot of patience on the Major's part…Jason began to talk to him. I think it was about books to start with. They've been in contact with each other ever since."

"Of course it was books." Rache murmured, a wry smile on her lips. "Rodriguez needs her leg taken care of, Director Sanders." She stood up and quickly moved to the empty seat near James before they could ask for her help.

"Damn it feels good to be alive." James said, the adrenalin of the fight still coursing through him.

Rache gave him a pained look. "I need a nap." She stated in firm tones before laying down on the empty seats next to him and firmly placing her head on one of his thick thighs. Within minutes she was out cold.

James stared down at her, his initial expression that of someone who'd found a suspicious growth on their leg but he eventually relaxed and pushed some of the stray strands of hair off her cheek and away from her mouth.

He looked up once and found Kaidan looking at him, a faint smile on the spectre's face.

"You'll make a fortune if you record her snoring and sell it on the extranet." Kaidan pointed out before turning his attention back to the injured boy next to him.

Puzzled, James gazed at the other man for a heartbeat more and then turned his full attention to the sleeping woman knowing that this moment, this unguarded and unconcerned Rache Shepard, would not last long.


	12. Chapter 12

"Answer me this."

Kaidan closed the weapons locker, his attention going to the large man leaning up against the wall of the Normandy's shuttle bay, watching him. "If I feel like it." He agreed before moving his assault rifle to the bench and beginning to clean it.

Vega was quiet a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "It doesn't bother you how touchy-feely she is with me."

"Not particularly, no." Kaidan agreed glancing up. "Would you feel better if I went into a jealous rage and beat you until you promised never to touch her again?"

"Yeah, but that ain't my issue." Vega agreed shaking his head and moving closer. "You and she have an open relationship?"

"Hell, no." Kaidan shook his head once more looking at the man speaking to him before returning his attention the gun he was carefully taking apart and cleaning. "Rache's the type to shoot first and ask questions later if she were to even suspect I had the balls to cheat on her and while I have seen her check other guys out a lot, usually it's because she's trying to figure out the easiest way to incapacitate them and conserve on ammo at the same time."

"So she's a tease?" Vega persisted. "With her touching. Hell, she fell asleep on my lap in the shuttle."

Kaidan straightened, setting his tools aside. "Do you think she's teasing you, James?" He asked.

"Don't pull that psychiatrist 'answer a question with a question' shit with me, Alenko. Just answer the damn question." Frustrated anger burst from the big guy.

"How I answer your question depends on how you answer mine, James." Kaidan was unmoved by the anger. "I need to understand what you think she's doing before I can explain what's going on."

"So you can spin it? Make it look like she's not a fucking tease?" This time the anger was deeper, stronger.

"What I see when she touches you, James, is different than what you see and both of our perceptions are different than what Rache's motives are." Kaidan continued unperturbed. "So…no, I'm not spinning it. I'm making sure I answer the question properly."

"If you loved her, it would bother you that she touches me. Teases me. Flirts with me." James all but snarled. "I have to seriously question your feelings if none of that bothers you."

Kaidan leaned against the bench. "I don't care if you question my feelings, James. Rache doesn't. That's all that matters to me."

"So I guess that's my answer, then. You don't care that she teases me like she wants something more from me than just being buddy-buddy." A smug smile curved the big man's lips as he crossed his arms over his broad chest and stared Kaidan down.

"I suppose my pointing out she's a superior officer to you won't mean anything to you?" Kaidan asked in mild tones.

"About as much as it meant to you when you went after her on your first tour together." James bit the answer out with fierce joy.

Kaidan laughed softly. "Good point." He pushed off from the bench, turning and picking up his tools to clean the assault rifle once more.

"I'm going after her. I will use everything I've got to take her from you." James called the challenge trying to provoke a response.

With a sigh, Kaidan turned his head enough that he could look at the younger man. "James, would you like a bit of advice?"

"You gonna tell me I'm wasting my time?" Again the words were belligerent, his chin jutting out his stance tense as if just waiting for Kaidan to attack. "Because that means I'm a threat."

"No, I'm not going to tell you you're wasting your time. I'm going to warn you that if you go ahead as you plan to, you will force Rache to change the slot you occupy in her life and you won't like the results." Kaidan gave him a long look and then shook his head as if washing his hands of the matter and returned to his gun.

"What the fuck does that mean?" James came closer, his body language still confrontational but this tone had a new uncertainty to it.

Sighing, Kaidan straightened again. "James, when you look at Rache's circle of friends, who do you see?"

The Lieutenant thought about it. "You."

"I'm not her friend, I'm more. Difference." Kaidan pointed out. "She doesn't have friends, James. She doesn't want them. To put it bluntly, she doesn't have the patience for them. You she has patience for."

"No. I'm not friendzoned." James shook his head, the words insistent. "She touches me, she teases me in ways you don't tease friends."

"I agree." Kaidan said in mild tones. "But that's not the point I'm making. She puts labels on people, James. Mine is lover. Joker's is asshole pilot. Anderson's is mentor. Hackett's is brass. You don't like the label she has for you, I can respect that. But you need to accept that if you demand that label change, it might not be the change you want."

"People shouldn't have labels." The declaration was made with a scowl.

"I think Rache's in the mess. Feel free to go tell her she's not politically correct enough." Kaidan didn't bother to hide the laughter in his words.

"Bullshit." James shook his head. "You're worried I'll take her from you. You're trying to set it up so I fail. I'm not falling for it." The big guy began to stalk away.

Kaidan sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head with pity before returning his attention to the scattered pieces of the assault rifle. Several minutes passed and he glanced to the side once again. "You gonna hover there long, James?"

"You told me the story about her family…about the attack on her colony and how they died."

Very carefully Kaidan turned away from the gun and faced the big guy. "I did." He agreed, his expression revealing nothing.

"Her parents died." James' jaw clenched and he looked away for a moment. "But you said she had a brother, too." The words were spit out, almost an accusation.

Kaidan gave a single nod. "Yes. His name was Zeke."

"How old was he? When he died?" James' continued, his nostrils flaring, his eyes hard.

"He'd be about your age, had he lived." Came the quiet answer.

For a long time the large marine said nothing, his gaze somewhere past Kaidan, the muscles in his jaw tight and hard as color surged up his face. "_Fuck!_" He finally shouted the word slamming his fist into the metal wall next to him.

Kaidan let him work it out, not surprised when blood began to smear the wall he was punching, waiting until the burst of violence eased before speaking.

"She touches you because she put you in the slot her brother once had. She flirts with you because, although you aren't her brother, she sees you as close as one and that makes you safe. That's why she could fall asleep with her head on your lap." The words were quiet but loud enough to be heard above the other man's heavy breathing. "You have a choice, James. I meant what I said…I respect you not wanting to be what she wants you to be. But Rache's lover slot is full. If you try to fill it, she'll slam you down, hard. Worse…she'll take away the slot she has you in."

"I'm not her brother." The words were pained.

"No." Kaidan agreed even as James staggered away as if in physical distress. "You're not. But that's all she'll allow you to be to her."

He much preferred placing himself between Rache and others when she was simply trying to do them bodily harm. Being in the middle when Rache was oblivious…a rare state for the first human spectre…and the other was a friend who was emotionally involved, that was something he'd never thought would happen and had no idea how to resolve.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** As Jenna and Jeweledleah have spoken, so shall it be...

* * *

"Hey, Jimmy-James." Rache tossed out the lighthearted greeting as she circled the around the crates and thumped a knuckle on the missiles hanging out in the area Vega had staked out for himself on the shuttle deck. "I've got something I need you to do."

The large marine rose to his feet, almost coming to attention. "You have an assignment for me, ma'am?"

Rache's gave him a curious glance at the stiff and respectful way he addressed her. "Not so much an assignment as more of a favor."

"I don't think I should be doing a personal favor for a superior officer, ma'am." He responded, his features remote and revealing nothing.

With a huff of exasperation, Rache scowled at him. "What the hell is the matter with you? You're acting like you've got a stick up your ass."

Vega gave her a brief, impersonal glance. "I apologize if I'm come across as disrespectful, ma'am."

"Apparently the stick up your ass is very pointy." Rache crossed her arms under her breasts, growing irritated. "Once you've seen Chakwas about having it removed, I want you to find out everything you can on a woman named Jirel Jamison. She's a biotic. One of Kaidan's students, which means she was attached to 1st Special Operations Biotic Company. She went MIA during a covert op. I want to know about that op and I want to know what efforts were made to find her."

James spared her a glance. "Shouldn't you go through official channels for that, ma'am?" His voice was neutral at best.

Rache's expression narrowed with confusion. "Okay, seriously, what is your deal, James? I never actually shot you in the ass. I just made it very clear I really wanted to."

"Just making sure the chain of command is there, ma'am." He replied.

She gave him a long stare, her features showing a myriad of emotions not easily read. "Whatever." She finally tossed her hands in the air. "When it's done being your time of the month, see what you can find out about the Jamison woman through channels that aren't official. I'd like to give Kaidan some closure and I don't want this to be a big deal. If we don't find anything, we don't find anything. Not like there's a big fucking war going on messing with communication channels or anything." She stalked away several steps and then paused mid-step, half-turning back and then making a rumbling noise as if she were fighting with herself she whipped about and faced him. "Look, James, I'm not good with touchy-feely crap, okay? But if something's going on…if you need to talk to someone…" Another growl came from her throat and her expression showed the struggle she was having. "I'm not good, but I'll try, okay? Just…I really hope someone pissed you off and you just need me to kill them for you."

His face was removed, impossible to read as he gazed down at her. "Don't worry, ma'am. I won't mix personal with obeying your orders."

Concern faded to anger and her jaw clenched. "Whatever, James. Deal with it yourself, then. Why I fucking bothered…" She made a hand gesture as if shoving the topic away and stalked toward the elevator.

James watched her leave and then spat a curse under his breath before tossing the wrench in his hand on the table before him with enough force to ricochet it onto the ground.

* * *

"Men are assholes." Rache stated with rage storming into the captain's cabin aboard the Normandy.

Kaidan looked up from the book he was reading, a faint smile curving his lips. "Hello, dear. And how was your day at work?"

She favored him with a withering look. "Don't start with me, Kaidan." She began pacing in a tight circle, trying to burn the energy from her anger. "James is being a dick. Not that I care. Because I don't. I just would really like to know what I did that pissed him off so I can repeat it with other people."

"Maybe it was your sunny disposition and love for your fellow beings." Kaidan commented idly before carefully closing the synthpages and setting the book aside.

Rache narrowed her eyes at him. "Thank you for proving that all men are assholes."

"Rache, you make statements like that and you don't want a debate, you want to vent." Kaidan laughed softly patting the couch next to him in an invitation to sit. "So vent, get it out of your system."

"I don't want to vent, I want to know what the fuck James' problem is." Rache flung the words like a gauntlet as her hands were tossed wide. "Every time I've gone near him the last couple of days, he goes all formal…shit, he saluted me this morning!"

"He showed respect for your command position?" Kaidan's mouth dropped open with exaggerated shock. "Gods, I hope that isn't contagious. We should have him quarantined before the rest of the crew is infected. I mean, think of it…what if Joker came down with the same virus? The natural order of the universe might implode."

Rache gave him a disgusted look, shaking her head. "Just stop, Kaidan. I'm serious."

Resigned, Kaidan sobered and inhaled deeply. "What do you want, Rache? He's a subordinate officer. Yeah, you've become really informal with rank and command since your stint with Cerberus, but that doesn't mean rules and regs aren't there. Maybe James just feels a need for them right now."

She made a frustrated, strangled noise. "I just…maybe something's really wrong, you know? I don't like being kept in the dark."

Kaidan studied her. "Rache, James is just going through some personal stuff right now. Give him some space. He'll be fine."

Green eyes speared him. "You know what's going on with him." The words were more of an accusation than a question. "Your poker games with him. He must talk to you."

Kaidan immediately shook his head and held up both hands. "Oh, no, Rache. No. You are not getting this out of me. There is a bro code involved."

Disdain curdled her features. "What 'bro code'?" She demanded bouncing her fingers in quote style. "What are you…twelve?"

"No, we belong to the secret fraternity of Men Who Are Assholes and thus are honor bound to keep each other's confidences." Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest. "Rache, there is absolutely nothing you can do to help in what James is dealing with and there are a whole lot of ways you could make things worse. Just…give him space. He'll work it out on his own."

Rache pursed her lips together and stared off into space for a moment. "Is it his family? Did he learn something about his uncle? Maybe some bad news?"

"The bro code forbids me answering those questions." Kaidan drawled arching an eyebrow at her blatantly ignoring what he'd told her about staying out of it.

"You men are all assholes." Rache snarled back at him. "And couples aren't supposed to keep secrets from each other!" The last was declared with a 'so there' tone that had him laughing.

"Who told you that bullshit?" Kaidan countered making no secret of his feelings on the matter. "Besides, it's not my secret, it's James'. And it's not really even a secret, it's just something personal he is dealing with that he doesn't want broadcast. Give him some space, Rache."

Her mouth opened and closed, much like a fish as she stared at him. "You keep secrets from me?" Outrage started the words off soft and had them ending at a squeaking pitch.

Kaidan raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Please, reapers, take me now." He begged.

"I don't keep secrets from you!" Rache continued, her face pale with bright spots on her cheeks. "What secrets are you keeping from me?"

"If I told you that they wouldn't be secrets, would they?" Kaidan pointed out.

"Your levity is so not making this better." Rache growled at him.

"It's not even really secrets, Rache." Kaidan finally caved after silently cursing scruples that wouldn't allow him to throw James under the bus and get him out of this conversation. Besides, knowing Rache, it would just postpone the discussion. "Your hair is a prime example. I really, really, don't like you with purple hair. But it's your hair. You can do what you want with it. If you want purple hair, you can have it because it's a small issue and not worth having a fight over. So rather than have to listen to some BS about me trying to control you through hair color, I just keep my mouth shut. Is it a secret? No. It's common sense."

Rache's features were stunned. "If you didn't like my hair color, why not just say so?"

Kaidan closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "James, you are going to pay for this." He muttered under his breath before addressing Rache once more. "Because it's your hair. You can do what you want with it."

"But if you don't like it you should just be able to tell me!" Rache countered. "If you can't tell me something as trivial as not liking my hair color then how can you tell me important things?"

"I think I know the difference between something trivial like a hair color and something important, Rache." Kaidan's voice hardened slightly. "I don't keep the important things from you."

"So we don't have secrets." Rache crossed her arms under her breasts.

Kaidan tilted his head to the side, studying her and then arched an eyebrow. "You mean secrets like your little deal with Aria T'loak to gain the support of three different mercenary groups? How exactly did you get the help of the Blue Suns, Rache?"

All expressions of outrage fled from her face as she returned his look with one of unconcerned innocence. "A trivial matter, no more important than my hair color." She said in almost prim tones.

"Really? That's good to know." Kaidan all but drawled the words. "Say, did you know General Septimus Oraka was on the Citadel while I was in Huerta? He died there under mysterious circumstances according to one of the newsvids. Someone mentioned that the infamous Commander Shepard was seen talking to him hours before his death."

"Hmm…strange the things people gossip about during the middle of a war. I really can't be bothered with a man who liked obstructing others, possibly costing lives, just so he could feel important again." Rache kicked her weight to one hip as if daring him to accuse her of any misconduct.

"Bizarre." Kaidan responded in droll tones. "But we seem to have strayed from the topic at hand. No, Rache. We have no secrets from each other. At all."

She seemed to struggle for a moment, her lips twitching as if she badly wanted to call him on what he said only to realize that pushing that conversation was a no win for her. "No. The topic at hand was the stick up James' ass."

"And once again, it's a personal matter and if James feels the need for you to know about it, he'll tell you." Kaidan's voice held iron this time. "Why do you even care, Rache? It's not like you and James are friends." The last sentence was a deliberate challenge, a gauntlet thrown that he dared her to pick up and confront.

"I'm a nosy bitch." Rache answered.

"Not when it comes to personal stuff." Kaidan didn't let up. "As I recall when it comes to personal 'touchy-feely shit' you have a closed door policy. You don't want to get personal with people. You don't want the commitment, the strings that being personal with someone comes with."

She scowled glaring at him for a moment before shaking her head and finally coming closer, her frenetic pacing done. "Move over." She ordered even though there was plenty of room on the other side of him for her to sit.

Rolling his eyes, Kaidan shifted a mere inch and let her claim her favorite position of sitting sideways on the couch, her knees under her chin, arms wrapped about her legs, facing him.

"I like James." She finally said as if the words were an affirmation. "He's solid in a firefight. He's got a quick brain even though he can turn on the meathead act real quick. You know that he'll give you everything he's got. He doesn't balk when it comes to the tough decisions like intel or people. He gives brass just enough respect to keep his ass out of the brig."

Kaidan chuckled as he wrapped a hand around the ankle closest to him and began to massage his way up the solid muscle of her calf. "Sounds like you which means you liking him is just narcissistic enough to make sense."

"Ha ha." Rache gave him a withering look. "If James had been on the Normandy with us when we mutinied, he'd have volunteer to go hunt Udina down and head butt him or something." Her expression grew distant and a small laugh full of malice said just how much she enjoyed picturing that scene in her imagination. "Anyway…I like him, okay. He makes me laugh. That means when he needs help with something I should…you know…be there for him. Give him pity sex or something."

A groaning laugh rumbled from Kaidan's chest. "You come so close to showing empathy and then manage to still mess it up." He teased and earned a smack pn his arm from her. "Rache, you've got enough on your plate with the galaxy going to hell. You don't need to add James' issue to your entrée."

"Oh, come on, Kaidan." Rache moaned at him. "I just went fucking halfway across the stupid galaxy to fetch some stupid statue for some idiot so the moron would help the war effort. Not to mention the flag, the library, the whatever else it will take to convince people that the reapers are bad and maybe they should help defeat them. I fully expect Hackett is going to send me after some Holy Donut of Joy the next time I talk to him because it's the catalyst we need to destroy the reapers once and for all." She ran her fingers through her purple bangs and then ruined the effort by shaking her head, her hair falling in a curtain to cover her face. "I can do all that but hesitate to help the guy who's damn good at covering my back when things get hot? No. That's not right."

Kaidan reached his hand out, catching most of the hair hiding her and gently tucking it back behind her ear. "And people wonder why I love you." He murmured, the smile on his face full of emotion.

Uncertain and inexplicably shy at seeing how he felt laid bare of his face, free of any artifice, any masque, Rache managed a wavering smile. "I'm one of the people that wonder…sometimes." She all but whispered the words before chewing on her lower lip. "I mean…I know you love me, Kaidan. I don't doubt that. I just don't get why a lot of the time."

"Because you give me moments like these, when no one else is around, and you're not posturing and being ruthless, don't give a damn how, just get the job done Commander Shepard." He answered. "You give me Rache and I adore her."

"Kaidan…" She whispered shifting her legs beneath her so she could move closer and fold herself into his arms, laying her head against his chest, hearing the thudding heartbeat. "Thank you."

"Hey, it goes both ways, Rache." He murmured pressing a kiss to her hair.

For a long moment they were quiet, just enjoying being with one another until the desk com chimed alerting them there was a priority message. Rache tossed a glare toward that area of the cabin even as she pulled herself off the couch.

"You're sure I can't help with James?" She asked even as she circled around to com to read her message.

"Some things just need to work themselves out. James will be fine. Just give him some thinking space." Kaidan picked his book back up again.

"What about the pity sex?" Rache queried glancing up, a wicked smile on her face.

"Sure. Go ahead." Kaidan agreed in mild tones. "Gabby in engineering smashed her finger closing a maintenance panel this morning. I was thinking of offering her pity sex for her booboo. You take care of…"

"Shut up, Kaidan." Rache cut him off trying to hide the amusement on her face with an irritated look.

"Just making sure you know I fully support equality in a relationship."

* * *

"Hey, what gives?" James turned his back on his table as he heard the clatter of armor clad boots. "No one called me for an op."

Rache glanced up at him as she pulled her favorite assault rifle from her locker. "That's because you're not invited." She stated in blunt tones before loading the gun. "You deal with your personal emo crap. The rest of us will be fighting the war."

"With cheap shots." Kaidan drawled pointedly while taking out his own assault rifle.

"I can leave you behind, too." Rache retorted.

"I outrank you." Kaidan reminded her.

"Yeah, but Hackett loves me best."

"Wait a minute!" James all but shouted the words watching them walk toward the shuttle. "I should be going with you! This is bullshit!"

"No, this is me being concerned about your mental state." Rache retorted, her expression oddly flat. "Your head isn't in the game, James. Until it is, you're benched."

"Sports metaphors, Rache? Really?" Kaidan asked.

"That's not fair!" James stared at her, his expression furious.

Rache jumped onto the bed of the shuttle before turning back, her head tilting slightly as she gave him an irritated glare. "No. It's the Alliance military. So suck it, Princess. I don't take reckless hotheads on missions. We'll see you on the downside." She turned her back on him and disappeared into the depths of the shuttle.

"Major!" James appealed.

Kaidan shook his head. "I actually agree with her on this one, James. Enjoy your break." He followed Rache.

James watched the shuttle launch, his teeth grinding in fury. Once the bay was empty he stomped back over to his work space and began slamming things about, muttering under his breath. After about five minutes of that he was sick of himself and ran both hands over his scalp, an exhale of frustration growling from his throat.

The problem was he could see their point. His head was messed up right now and he wanted things he was never going to get. While going into combat to relieve some pent up frustration was a good idea for him, it was that crap that had him ramming a shuttle into another on Mars and the Commander had made it very clear how she felt about that little stunt. Until she could trust he wouldn't do it again, he would be grounded. Not just from this mission.

So…he had to prove to her that he could obey orders. That he could think and be cool headed. Even when he just wanted to pound something so he'd feel better.

James tossed his tools aside and headed toward the elevator.

* * *

Hunh. Jirel Jamison was pretty hot.

James noted the dark black hair, space-pale skin and red, red lips, making sure he'd know the sharp lines of her face if she passed him on the street. Her eyes were strange…an amber color he wasn't entire sure was natural or enhancement. She was tall, too, topping out just over six feet tall, making her near his own height.

Biotic born, she was known more for her finesse than the strength of her power. During a training op when ordered to cross a steep ravine, most biotics had used their powers to try and fly or jump over, draining both concentration and reserves. Rel had found a relatively flat rock that she levitated up before jumping on and then riding across the ravine. Once on the other side she had casually stepped down from the rock and then tossed it into the ravine so no one else could copy the move.

As a hazing prank, several of her fellow students at Grissom Academy had locked her in a small room without food or water and waited for her to scream her way to freedom. She'd used her biotics to trick the door into opening…from the other side…and simply walked out. Those who'd tried the prank on her shortly found themselves in the infirmary recovering from injuries gained during training exercises that had turned rough. There were no further reports of hazing with her.

Smart and vicious, James mused, a smile on his lips. No wonder the Major had liked her. She'd reminded him of…

Determinedly shifting his thoughts, James skimmed the rest of her public record. Graduated top of her class in Academics and Skills. Groups public and private had been salivating to get her on their payroll only to watch her turn her back on certain money and privilege and choose an offer from the newly minted Major Kaidan Alenko.

Her records became murky after that. Covert ops training. Non-biotic hand to hand combat training. Weapons and firearms…pretty decent shooting skills. James had to tap some serious favors to get past her early days in the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company. He was definitely going to insist Lola buy the case of scotch he now owed the buddy who'd given him the straight shit on Jamison's first op.

She'd been sent after Cerberus. Rumors of a new base dedicated to human enhancement and experimentation had been whispered about and Major Alenko wanted to know if they were true and where the base was located. Jamison had reported successfully infiltrating a local Cerberus cell…and named several sleeper agents within the Alliance…before stating she was being 'promoted' to a higher position in their ranks and moving bases.

No further contact for three months when a single mission statement said the new base was fully operational and had been for some time. It was hidden on a planet in the Terminous Systems…Horizon. James frowned trying to recall where he'd heard that place mentioned recently and finally shook it off, continuing with the report.

Jamison had failed to report in after that. She was officially declared MIA and the requests from Major Alenko to go to Horizon and search for her were all denied. They had the intel they needed. The mission was declared a success in spite of the loss of Lieutenant Jamison.

James considered that report for a long moment and then began to smile, his fingers pounding out a dull staccato on the holo board as he began to send messages to some of his buddies in various parts of the galaxy. Places that weren't as Alliance friendly as some might think, but had great beer and even better card games. More than a few of them had had the winner declared as the last person standing while everyone else lay on the floor bleeding.

Waaaay too many of those messages began bouncing back with 'Recipient Unavailable' attached to them, but he persisted. Enough went through that he had hope he'd get something that would take him off Lola's shit list.

He found pay dirt from a friend now living on the Citadel less than twenty-four hours later, which really shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did. Gabs had always been a good source of gossip when they played cards on Omega together.

A woman fitting the description and named Rel James had been living on Omega for several months prior to the station going under Cerberus control. Gabs knew she had made it off station because they'd shared the same shuttle. He advised looking for her in the refugee section of the Citadel docks.

A victory fist pump to the air, James returned to his patch on the shuttle bay. He'd show the commander when she returned that he could think things through. Could get her the information she wanted. There'd be no damn excuse to leave him behind next time, he thought as the shuttle returned looking a bit worse for the wear.

Mouth open to begin his argument, James scowled as Rache limped out of the open bed, her green eyes fierce and pissed. Dried blood flaked from a scratch at her forehead and smears of some viscous liquid, dark and evil looking were splashed about her neck and armor.

"You okay, Commander?" James moved toward her.

"No!" She snarled with enough venom to have him instantly halting. "I am not okay, James! I am in a righteous fury!"

"Ma'am, you might wanna…" He began with caution, hoping to distract her.

A futile hope.

"I don't care what happened that upset you. I don't care if your dog, your uncle, your girlfriend, your stuffed animal, left this plane in a blaze of despair and drug induced self destruction. I don't care if it's hormones." She hissed at him, her finger sharp and jabbing as she punched space. "I needed you down there!"

"Rache Shepard, get off that ankle!" Kaidan called with temper of his own before helping a visibly upset Liara out of the shuttle. "It's broken, you stubborn fool!"

"It's fine!" Rache snarled not moving those pissed green eyes from her prey. "I needed you down there, James, and you weren't there. You get your head out of your ass and you make sure you're there next time!" She didn't wait for an answer but began hobbling toward the elevator. She made it two steps before Kaidan had her scooped up in his arms.

A slow smile curved James' lips. "Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets." He drawled in low, appreciative tones.

"Stop! Turn around, Kaidan, I have to go kick his ass!" Rache pounded the flat of her palm on Kaidan's armor.

"Dammit, now I have that song stuck in my head." Kaidan groaned, ignoring her as he continued toward the elevator. "Much better than the cross dressing man."

"I don't care if it's better! I'm going to…Kaidan, dammit, put me down!" The words were cut off as the elevator door shut behind them.

James chuckled under his breath as he turned about and saw Liara for the first time, her gaze somewhere distant, her eyes full of tears.

"You okay, Doc?" He asked, concerned.

"My planet…" Liara began and wiped the back of her hand over her cheek. "Such a silly thing. We weren't the first attacked. We had more time to prepare. We fell so quickly. My people…"

"Doc…" He stretched out a hand but she waved him off, his gut clenching with empathy for her.

"I need…there are things I must do. Thank you, James." She said and followed after the Major and the Commander.

He watched her go, remembering how many of the messages he'd sent out that had been returned Recipient Unavailable.

The Commander had been right, he decided as he returned thoughtfully to his workspace. She'd needed him and he hadn't been there. Yeah, maybe she didn't need him the way he wanted her to need him, but this wasn't really the time, either, not while so many were dying and would never see their loved ones again. Maybe there wouldn't ever be a time when she turned around and looked at him the way she looked at Alenko.

But he'd damn well be there when she needed him.


	14. Chapter 14

Big as he was, a person wouldn't think James Vega would hesitate wandering through the dark and unknown levels of the Citadel docks. They'd be right. He didn't hesitate. He did proceed cautiously, though. The message slipped into the back pocket on his right butt cheek…followed by an audacious pinch by someone who wasn't there when he jerked about…said to meet his contact here if he wanted to learn more about Jirel Jamison.

Yeah, the whole thing screamed 'Trap!' but he'd been unable to find any trace of Jamison once she'd landed on the Citadel. He wanted…needed to prove to the Commander he could handle this. That she could send him on a mission and he could deliver what she wanted. He wasn't much help in the political part of this war, but he could do this. He would do this. And when he showed her that he could be level headed and trusted maybe she'd start looking at him more like how she looked at the Major.

And no, he wasn't going to think too hard about the logic of doing a favor that benefitted her boyfriend to make her happy.

"Okay, I'm here. I'm not patient and you got five minutes before I…" He didn't finish the sentence before being slammed up against a crate, his face taking the brunt of the hit. "Dammit! You son of a…" The words squeaked to a halt as a very sharp, very pointy object began to tap a very precious part of his anatomy.

"I hear voices…" A low voice spoke close enough that he could feel the breath brush over the fine hairs at the back of his neck. The effect was disturbingly arousing. "I hear whispers. They say a big man is searching. A mighty hunter is seeking."

A woman, James thought with relief. She was a woman.

"They say silence him before he speaks. Kill him before finds." She continued to murmur, her breath coming closer as the tapping sensation between his legs began to hurt. "What voices should I listen to, mighty hunter?"

"To be honest, Lady, unless the voices are saying leave the handsome guy's johnson alone, you really shouldn't be listening to any of them." James answered in frank tones.

A huff of breath exploded against his neck, what could have been a silent chuckle. "I try to ignore most of the voices in my head, Lieutenant James Vega of the SR-2 Normandy. But occasionally they do have good warnings." The tapping stilled. "Perhaps you should say something interesting, mighty hunter. Something that will make the voices like you."

"I could try singin' a lullaby. Maybe help 'em go to sleep." He offered turning his head as far as he could trying to get a good look at her.

"Do that and I may never let you free." She murmured. "What do you want, Lieutenant? Why are you hunting me?"

"I'm looking for Lieutenant Jirel Jamison, 1st Special Operations Biotic Company." James felt the sword rise as he spoke the name and moved to his tiptoes to alleviate the pressure. "If you're not her and this is a whole big misunderstanding there are parts of my body that would be very happy if you moved that sword away, pronto."

"Answer the question." She hissed at him.

"Move the fucking sword." He snapped back. "I am no danger to you."

"So long as I have you in this position, no, you're not." She agreed. "Did Cerberus send you? Another sleeper agent? You must be talented to get yourself posted on the Normandy."

"Yeah, it was real hard." James' voice dripped sarcasm. "First, I had to make sure I was having a conversation with a ranking officer. Then I had to make sure the reapers attacked at that very moment and dropped half a building on us. Then there was the whole digging ourselves free to make it look authentic. After that everything was easy. Run like hell, shoot all the ugly creatures trying to kill us and get to the Normandy."

"Name the ranking officer." She jerked on the blade and he growled in reaction.

"I don't name names to people I don't know." James snarled at her. "If you're Jamison, I got no beef with you. I just want to take my balls home for some tender loving care and report you're alive and a real crazy bitch."

Quietness answered him but the sword didn't lose any of its pressure.

"You're too abrasive to make an effective Cerberus sleeper agent." The words were quiet. "Or is that what the whispers want me to be thinking?"

"I'm going to lose permanent feeling in one of my favorite body parts if you keep debating with the voices in your head like this." James rumbled at her. "Just tell them to shut up and think about this logically. I serve on the Normandy. Who do you think I report to?"

The pressure eased. "A cold bitch." The words were oddly complimentary. "They say Commander Shepard is the best hope for defeating the reapers."

"Yeah, and I'm going to help her, so back off, will you?" His growl was getting deeper the longer they spoke.

"I could not care less if the reapers kill every species they come across." The sword jabbed upward again. "I just want to watch Cerberus burn as the galaxy turns to ash."

"Then get that fucking sword away from my 'nads and come with me." He snapped. "Because I have taken out more Cerberus drones than I have those belonging to the reapers."

Another huff of breath and this time he heard the laugh. "Good. Keep it up. Take out as many of those bastards as you can." Venom dripped from her voice and she paused, as if realizing just how close to the edge she was. "Why is Commander Shepard searching for me?"

"Not another damn word until you remove that sword and confirm you are Jamison." He answered, his tone uncompromising.

Another long space of silence and he tensed, ready to fight even if first blood was going to be his and real painful.

"Tell Commander Shepard that Jirel Jamison is dead."

The sword withdrew and the skin on the back of his neck was suddenly cool in the absence of her heat.

He jerked about and watched a tall, dark form pull back into the deep shadows of the crates they stood among until only the long gleaming sword blade, tip near her boots, could be seen.

"I don't lie to the Commander." James told her in flat tones.

"It isn't a lie…" The words seemed to echo about him. "Cerberus killed me. Replaced me with whispers and voices."

"Look, Lady, you're obviously a few fries short of the grande meal and that makes me feel sorry for you, really, it does." The words snarled out of him, more grunts than a sentence. "But, I will complete my mission. I will tell them you're alive. Since you're too much of a coward to."

"So I'll be a coward." This time there was no whisper, the words held the bite of anger. "Do what you will."

"I was going to do that anyway." James snapped. "I don't care if you hate the Major and spit on everything the uniform I honor stands for."

An almost soundless gasp of air being sucked into her lungs answered him. "Major." The title was a breath released and barely audible. "What Major?" The question held more strength, more purpose.

"Major Kaidan Alenko. He's also aboard the Normandy." James growled at her. "This isn't telling you anything not being broadcast on every Alliance News Network on the Citadel."

"Kaidan…" The name was a rush of air. "Major Alenko. He's…looking for me?"

James ground his teeth together and debated before shaking his head. "No. He thinks you're dead. Commander Shepard asked me to see what I could find out. Instead of a corpse, though, I found a woman named Rel James."

This time, the laugh was bitter. "Of course."

"I wasn't done, Lady." He cut her off viciously. "If you respect him, the Major, in any way, you will tell him yourself that you're alive so he'll know that the first op he ran wasn't a complete and total fuckup."

Silence answered him but there was a flavor of surprise about the quiet, as if he had stunned her.

"He got the intel he wanted." The words were soft and her tone wanted him to validate them. "That is a successful mission. Not a failure."

James snorted this time. "Yeah. You just proved you don't know a damn thing about the Major." He shook his head in disgust. "If you think getting that intel back was more important than a soldier under his command coming home then maybe you better stay dead rather than stab him in the gut with that little gem." Irritated, he turned his back on her. "Not that it matters. Once I tell the Commander about you being alive and not letting the Major know, she will kill you until you are dead. She's not as nice as I am."

"Lieutenant Vega…" The whisper was back. "You…make a good point."

"Please, the Commander killing people who piss her off is…"

"About the Major." Irritation was heard now.

James turned back and jerked suddenly, startled.

"I will tell him. In my own way. In my own time."

He stood there, waiting, not sure what for, trying to process what he'd seen long after he was certain she was gone. The darkness had…glowed. Where her head would be in the shadows…two blue orbs.

As if they were eyes.

* * *

Rache glanced up from painting her toenails as Kaidan entered their cabin, a weary expression on his face.

"Still no word on your students?" She asked with a frown as he began to strip out of his uniform.

"No. Communication channels are messed up right now, though." The words held a desperate edge to them, as if he were trying to convince himself as much as her. "They're trying to keep up with the places that have gone dark because of reapers and keep them separate from places that have gone dark because of Cerberus." He sank onto the edge of their bed and began pulling off his boots.

Setting aside the bright red polish, she shifted her towel about her and moved next to him. Not touching, not yet, just letting him know she was there.

"Rache, what if I didn't teach them well? What if they're dead because I…"

"No." She cut the words off quickly, viciously. "Kaidan, I know you. There is no possibility that you failed them. It's just not possible…"

He shook his head, waving her words off. "You say that because you love me…"

"No, dammit, I say that because I'm right." Rache caught his chin in her hands, turning his head toward her. "Kaidan, you are methodical. You are almost friggin' anal. There is no possibility you didn't cover what they needed to survive out there."

"If I'd been a better teacher then maybe they would have learned…" He continued pulling away from her touch only to have her follow.

"No, dammit, Kaidan!" She insisted again. "Maybe they were poor students, you ever think that? Maybe they simply didn't have what it takes."

"Then it's my fault for not…"

"Dammit, Kaidan! Get over yourself!" Now anger was in her voice. "Explain to me exactly how you could have prepared them for total fucking war with the reapers? Hell, I've been screaming they're coming for years and Hackett still got his ass handed to him. You think he's crying in his beer about not preparing more?"

The question hung in the silence between them for a long moment and then Kaidan gave a wry chuckle. "Yeah. Probably."

"I know. Poor analogy." She gave him a twisted smile. "Sorry."

"No." He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck sliding the fingers up under the edge of the towel she'd wrapped around her hair. "No, oddly enough, it did make me feel better." He murmured, smiling at her.

"Kaidan, Anderson would never have left you in the job if he felt you couldn't handle it. I saw you on Grissom. Those kids would have died for you. Prangley at the front of the pack. Poor leaders don't inspire that kind of devotion." Her bright green eyes searched for his as he tried to duck away from their knowing gaze but was finally pulled in. "I don't inspire that kind of devotion, Kaidan. People follow me because they think I can win. They follow you because they love you."

"I follow you because I love you." He said quietly and gave her a sweet smile. "Plus the sex isn't all that bad."

He was trying to distract her with humor and she considered letting him for a moment before pinning him again with a steady gaze. "Kaidan, I know you taught your students what they needed to know. I have no doubt that somewhere out there, they are alive and they are fighting. _I know this_." The words were low and fierce. "I know because you don't know how to back down. When they set you after me, you came and you kept coming. You weren't flashy, you weren't arrogant or overconfident you were just damn persistent. You didn't let me stop you. You didn't let location or logistics stop you…you walked through Omega with a Spectre logo blazoned on your chest plate like a challenge you _wanted_ to be accepted."

A laugh escaped from his chest and again he tried to turn away from her but she wouldn't allow him to shift his attention.

"If your students picked up even an iota of that stubborn determination from you, then I know they are alive and they are fighting. I _know_ because the one thing you were incapable of ever teaching them was how to give up."

"I just wish I knew." He finally whispered before burying his face in the crook of her neck and holding her close.

She wished she had answers for him. That she could bark an order, snarl a threat and have what she wanted handed to her immediately by people falling all over themselves to stay on her good side. But she didn't have that. So she just held him tight and rubbed at the tense muscles of his back, trying to soothe him.

After a long, quiet draw of her comfort, he shifted and shoved his fingers deeper under the towel about her head, dislodging the crown and letting her wet hair fall about them. A laugh rumbled deep in his chest as he picked up a lock of her hair and rubbed the water dark strands between his fingers, his eyes finally rising to look at her again.

"You changed the color again." He said with a rue filled chuckle. "It's back to your natural color."

"I figured you wouldn't mind one more change." She said with a nod. "I'm thinking this one will stick for a while."

"I was waiting for you to go cotton candy pink before I really lost it over your choice in hair color." He confessed running his fingers through the thick mass, untangling the strands.

"Please." She scoffed. "I have standards. No pink."

"I like the toes, too." He grinned at her. "It will randomly hit me as funny in the middle of combat. I'll see you covered in muck and blood, tossing bad guys like kindling, the consummate soldier and I'm the only one who knows that under that armor you've got lace underwear on and brightly painted toenails. The ultimate woman."

She laughed. "Gets you hot, doesn't it." She challenged before standing to take the wet towel off the bed before it soaked the covers.

"Rache, you get me hot. Even in purple hair." He countered rising next to her to finish his own undressing. "I hope you left some hot water. I need a shower."

She gave an unconcerned shrug. "Complain to EDI if it's cold." She said before returning her attention to her toe nails. "Red toenails is good, right?"

Kaidan paused near the bathroom catching the discreet pulse of light that told him he had messages. "What if I say pink?" He asked scrolling through his inbox.

"I'll wear pink toenails right after you do." She countered as he sucked in a deep, startled breath, his eyes wide as he stared at something on the screen before him. "Kaidan?" She asked with concern quickly going to her feet.

"It's Rel. She's alive." Kaidan said, stunned, his eyes darting over the words again. "She says she's working on something covert. Something she doesn't trust anyone to know about. She's sorry she didn't check in before now. She didn't dare."

A muscle in Rache's jaw began to twitch. "She emailed you that she was alive?" The words remained flat after a well fought battle to keep them even and not interspersed with profanity.

Kaidan glanced over at her and a smile kicked up a corner of his mouth. "I think I see steam coming from your ears, Rache."

"She fucking emailed you that she was alive?" This time the words were outraged. "What? She didn't have access to instant message? 'Cause that's how I like to hear important information about people I care about. Instant message and email is so heartfelt, so warm and touching. It makes me feel all fuzzy inside. I fully expect soon you'll get a message from your mom telling you she's fine but dear old dad didn't quite make it…"She bit the words off as he stiffened. "Shit, Kaidan, I didn't…" She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "I wasn't thinking…I didn't mean…I'm sorry."

"I need a shower." He said and disappeared into the bathroom.

"Shepard, you ass. You suck." She muttered at herself rubbing the heel of her hand against her forehead. "Worst girlfriend ever."

* * *

"A fucking email?" James couldn't believe it. He stared down at the slender warrior woman randomly picking up bottles of liquor and pouring them into a tall glass. "Are you shitting me? She sent him an email telling him she was alive?"

Rache knocked back most of the glass in a long swig and then began pouring more into it. "So he's happy, right? He just got great news…even if it was from a stupid email…and then I go and open my big fat mouth." Again she drank long and deep. "I'm thinking of kicking puppies next. Dropping kittens off tall buildings. Stealing candy from babies." More pouring of random bottles. "Does this color look dangerous?" She held up a murky green drink, then shrugged before downing it.

"We're not scheduled to leave yet, right?" James was heading for the door to the lounge on the Normandy, his expression determined.

"Forty…" Rache gave a loud burp that seemed to surprise even her. "Forty…eighty hours. You've got forty-eighty hours." More drinking was followed by more pouring of liquor.

James winced as the color of her drink shifted from a brilliant neon blue to a deep and bloody looking red. "Ma'am, maybe now is a good time to stop."

"Peshuawa." She made a motioning hand but he wasn't very clear on what she was motioning about. The gesture stopped when she caught sight of her fingernails and began to find them fascinating. That lasted only a moment or two before she began pulling more bottles off the wall behind her and mixing another drink.

"Ma'am, I don't think…that's ryncol…too late." He winced as she gulped the mess down.

Rache blinked and tried to focus on the glass she held. "Yummy." She mumbled and began pouring again.

"Lola, I want to go find Jamison and poke her with her pointy sword, but marines don't leave a man behind." He left the doorway and joined her at the bar as she tried a new mix of drinks.

"I'm gonna be a mum!" Rache declared before drinking down another glass.

"I'm sorry?" James' eyes bugged out as he stared at her, face white with shock.

"A mum! With the black…"She hiccupped and swayed slightly. "…black dressy thing. The hat. I think they fly." She frowned trying to grab that thought then shrugged and filled her glass again.

James began taking the bottles from her that were full…and not meant for human consumption…putting them on the highest shelf where she couldn't reach. "I don't think mum's wear…_nun_. You mean nun!" The words were said with relief.

"Thassa what I said! I'm gonna be a mumnunm." Rache scowled as she watched him put the ryncol on the top shelf before making a hand gesture toward it.

Nothing happened.

Fascinated, James watched as she did repeated the gesture and then again, more emphatically.

"I broke my biotics!" She pronounced to the room and appeared to forget about the ryncol in favor of the closer bottles of liquor. "Mnumununs take vows. Like celery!"

James crossed his arms over his chest, a slow, wide grin showing teeth as he watched her. "You mean celibacy."

Rache gave him a withering glare that focused two feet left of where he was actually standing. "Thas what I said." She snorted. "Meat...meat...meatnoggin!"

James licked his lips. "Lola, I will treasure this memory for the rest of my life."

"Munums don' say mean things to their boytoys…no." She paused and appeared to be thinking really hard. "Mantoys! They don' say nasstity things to their mantoys!"

"Because of the celery, right?" James grinned at her.

"Zactly!" She praised him with a bottle nearly poking her eye out with the pouring spout before filling her glass once more. "No nassy things. They take wows of…of…" She frowned at him. "The quiet thingy…no speaking. No mean words."

"Silence. A vow of silence." James offered oh so helpfully. "You want to become a nun so you can take a vow of silence."

"Zactly!" She sloshed most of the liquor out of her glass as she raised it high and then finished it off. "No more meany."

"You do realize it means you can't swear anymore, right?" James pointed out. "Plus, there's the whole celery thing."

She narrowed her eyes at him as if not sure she was being made fun of. He simply grinned at her and waited until she went back to filling her glass again.

"So what did you say to the Major?" James asked as she drank.

Rache carefully put her glass down and looked at him, her expression a cascade of misery. Her lower lip began to tremble. "He don' know if his dad is alive." She said as her eyes began to fill. "I was mean an' reminded him."

Humor died under compassion. "Ah, Lola, not cool." He said with sympathy. "What'd the Major say?"

"He needed a shower!" The sadness was gone as quickly as it had come and she was filling her glass again. "He has a really cute…"

"And that's more information than I need." James surged up out of his chair. "I think it's time to pour you home, Lola."

"Not done!" She declared as he tried to take her glass from her and she pulled back, her lips puckered as she tried to get them on the glass to drink.

"You're done. I can't believe you're still standing." James tugged again and the mixed drink began to slosh against her face leaving her sucking at it like a fish in search of water.

He managed to get the glass away from her long enough to set it aside and while she reached into empty air trying to grab it again, he crouched before her, an arm about her knees lifting her straight up while his other hand pushed against her back until she was stomach down over his shoulder.

"Wheee!" She called a bit belatedly, arms waving. "Again!"

"Lola, you keep that up and you're going to hurl all over my ass." James warned as he carted her through the door and toward the elevator.

She was quiet for a long time making him nervous until she finally declared. "It's a nice ass."

"Thank you, ma'…_whoa!_ Lola, hands!" He jumped startled at the unexpected and very firm squeeze on his lower cheeks.

She didn't seem interested in letting go any time soon, either, he thought as a slow grin began to curve his mouth. In fact, there was some definite exploration going on. She could keep doing that and maybe instead of taking her to her cabin he'd lock the door to the lounge and they could…

"Not nearly as nice as Kaidan's, though." This was said with a sad sigh as the touch went away.

James clenched his teeth together, grinding down on the profanity he wanted to spit out in the only release he was going to get.

"I was mean, Jimmy-Jane. Really mean." She slurred at him, completely oblivious.

"You usually are, Lola." He couldn't quite contain the bitterness as he ordered the elevator to the floor with her quarters on it.

"Not with Kaidan. Not unless…" Her voice trailed off and she began to sing under her breath an old Irish song about spending seven nights drunk.

She was killing him. He wanted to be the one she got sloppy drunk for because she said something she regretted. He wanted the careless strokes of her hand on his back to have meaning and want behind them instead of her simply trying to balance herself.

Hunh. He just wanted.

The elevator slid open and he purposefully marched out and slammed a fist against the door alert for the captain's cabin.

He wanted and he couldn't have.

Kaidan, his hair wet and dressed only in sweats frowned as he cycled the door open and then stepped back as James stomped inside crossing the room to kneel before their bed and flip her onto it on her back. She didn't break her song once.

Kaidan laughed softly as he listened to her sing. "She get stuck on Thursday night again?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah, she managed Monday night, skipped Tuesday entirely and has been repeating Thursday night for the last few minutes." James agreed.

"She finds Thursday hilarious for some reason." Kaidan said shaking his head. "I've never figured out why."

"She's sorry." James looked at the other man. "She's also contemplating becoming a mum so she can enjoy a life of celery and silence with her mantoy."

Kaidan frowned slightly and then leaned closer to the large guy, sniffing lightly.

"I'm sober. She wants to become a celibate nun so she can take a vow of silence and not say mean things anymore." James clarified.

"Terrifying. Though it'd almost be worth it to see how long the vow of silence lasted. She has a better chance at celibacy. Not a good one, mind you, just a better one." Kaidan said with a shake of his head. "Thanks, James. I'll take care of her."

James turned his back on the couple and marched out the door. "Yeah. I know." He said and didn't look back.


	15. Chapter 15

She moved carefully through the maze of crates and refugees, watching her peripheral vision as much as her direct. The itch was between her shoulders. The hum in her brain was becoming louder. The need to run far and run fast was screaming at her and she ruthlessly controlled all of the mess with the iron will that had kept her free for almost half a year.

The increased whisper in her mind meant they were closer. They had tracked her to the Citadel and logically concluded she was trying to lose herself among all of the refugees meandering about the docks with a desperate hope of safety.

Movement from the corner of her eye had her focusing there. Was it a refugee? A sleeper agent? An assassin? Would she…

Breath whooshed from her lungs as she slammed into the brick wall that had suddenly moved in front of her. Big hands caught her arms and held her as she stumbled backward trying to process what had happened and assess the threat behind her at the same time.

"Hello, crazy lady. Let's talk." The deep voice rumbled at her.

Rel turned her head to the side and watched several figures merge into the shadows of the crates about them rather than engage her directly.

The capture order must still stand, she comprehended.

"Okay, stop listening to the voices in your head and listen to my voice." The behemoth ordered in flat tones. "We need to have a conversation about the best way to tell someone you're alive. As a hint…email ain't it."

Blinking she lifted her chin and met his gaze. "Lieutenant Vega." When was the last time she'd had to look up to meet someone's eyes? Her height had had her towering over members of both sexes since she was fourteen.

"Lieutenant Jamison." He responded in the exact same tone, his expression holding a faint hint of humor that she was beginning to think was permanent.

"I really don't have time for this, Lieutenant." She stepped back deliberately making space between them and noticed he didn't loosen his grip. "I was going to meet some friends…"

He gaze moved past her, to the shadows. "Yeah. I saw your friends. Wouldn't be at all sorry if they joined us."

Rel laughed softly. "I don't think they plan on meeting you, Lieutenant." She said in soft tones. "Those who serve with Commander Shepard become…notorious."

"Or dead." The Alliance soldier agreed in surprisingly unworried tones. "But I've been lucky so far. So have you."

"I don't have luck, I have skill." She countered, her shaded eyes narrowing beneath the wide glasses that served to both hide and protect her.

"You also have crazy, which seems to work for you." He agreed.

Rel decided she didn't like him. "Lieutenant Vega, your presence is a complication I can do without. Whatever lecture you plan to give me, can we just pretend you gave it and I learned a valuable lesson which inspired me to go on to become a true humanitarian full of love for all creatures sentient and sapient and that we parted ways never to see each other again?"

The irritation in her tone was perfect. The words upper class and condescending in the face of someone who looked like he had limited exposure to reading anything without pictures and bright colors. The intent was to insult and drive him away and she rather thought it might have worked if not for biology.

Her stomach growled loudly and ruined the entire effect.

The marine laughed. "You know, Chiflada, I saw this big ass thresher maw on Tuchanka that makes noises like that. Took a reaper sandwich to quiet her."

Color flushed up her face, surprising her. She thought she was long past feeling ashamed or foolish. "Charming." She drawled. "I'm sure…"

"Down!" He covered the back of her head with a wide palm and shoved down and forward, putting his body between her and whatever danger he had seen.

There was a thud and the definite crunch of some body part being broken. Rel recovered her balance and jerked around, fingers instantly going to the knives she had lining the inside of her bolero. Her 'friends' had decided numbers made size irrelevant and had attacked en mass. Four of them were now trading punches against the hard muscle of the marine's chest while a fifth lay silently bleeding on the floor at their feet.

Another joined him after a hard right from Vega's fist knocked him out. A large foot encased in thick combat boots smashed the knee joint of another sending the leg in a direction nature had never intended it move. Spinning like a ballerina on steroids, the marine dodged the long knife aimed for his ribs. He stopped as the attacker passed him in a lunge and helped him to the floor with a vicious rabbit punch to the Cerberus agent's now vulnerable back of the neck. Unfortunately this also left Vega wide open to knives of the two remaining attackers.

"I don't think so." Rel sliced her hand through the air, her biotics grabbing the nearest assassin's knife hand and jerking the blade unexpectedly to the left, stabbing deep into his companion's back. Not stopping she finished her puppet off by pulling the bloody blade free and forcing him to run it across his own throat.

Vega slammed a foot against the head of the screaming killer whose knee he'd disabled and blessed silence filled the shadowed alley.

"Your friends aren't very good…whoa, Chiflada!"

The world was spinning…pretty, pretty fireworks. Was she up or down? Was she real?

A sharp sting on her cheek drove the darkness back and Rel found herself limp against the now sweaty Alliance marine.

"Was I graceful?" She mumbled trying to stop the whirling of her head. "I would hate to swoon like any good damsel in distress and not be graceful. My southern belle forebears would disown me."

He laughed. "It was an act of beauty, Lieutenant Jamison." He helped her stand but didn't let go as she swayed. "Don't you know better than to use your biotics when your fuel tank is on empty?"

"I must have missed that lesson." Rel closed her eyes, the yawning gap in her gut making it known that her body needed food or the consequences were going to be dire. "Perhaps we could schedule a time to discuss the matter another day, Lieutenant. I'm not…feeling well…as you can see."

"Here." He reached low to one of the pockets on his combat pants and withdrew several wrapped bars.

Rel narrowed her gaze behind her glasses and stared at them suspiciously. "What are you doing with military grade biotic energy bars?" She asked. "You're not biotic."

"Nope. But I'm regularly in combat with two of them. Always good to have some of these on hand during long campaigns." Vega agreed easily and ripped the wrapper off of one of them before taking a bite. "Besides…they're yummy."

Rel took the rest of the bar he offered and had to force herself not to cram the thick, chewy mass into her mouth. "I thought I was the crazy one, Lieutenant Vega. These things taste like paste." Ravenous she devoured the remnants and took the next bar. The growl in her stomach became a purr of satisfaction from her throat.

"Yeah, but its good paste, Chiflada." He laughed and then gave her a long, thorough study, sobering. "How long has it been since you had a decent meal?"

"Room service has been a bit remiss." She managed between bites and dove into her third.

"We'll fix that." He didn't wait until she'd finished her last bar before offering her the rest of what he had in his pocket. "You know better than to let yourself get this run down, Lieutenant Jamison."

Rel tried to give him a withering glare but managed only a weary sigh. "I'm crazy, remember? Maybe the voices don't like food."

He studied her for a long moment, assessing. "Maybe you're in a bad place right now, Chiflada." The term was oddly intimate. "I can help."

"Out of the goodness of your heart?" This time there was no disguising the bitterness. "No thank you. I learned as a child that the best intentions were often the most painful ones." Her stomach was settling, her body thrilling at the course of new energy running through her.

"Then maybe you'll settle for me chewing your ass out for sending the Major an email to let him know you were alive. Classy." He crossed his arms over his broad chest.

One of the still living Cerberus goons began to stir and Rel casually kicked him in the head. "Let's address the matter in plain terms, Lieutenant Vega. What do I need to do to get you out of my life?"

Dark eyes studied her for a long moment starting at her worn boots and rising over her worn and tattered clothing. She had the distinct impression he wasn't as interested in her female parts as he was the way the once form fitting clothing now hung on her from repeatedly missed meals.

A lopsided grin challenged her. "Have dinner with me."

Rel's gaze moved to the bodies at their feet, her mind assessing options and possibilities. "Agreed, Lieutenant." She said and daintily stepped over limbs leading the way out of the back alley. "Do you have a particular place in mind?"

"Afterlife…" He began as his long legs easily caught up with her.

"Too loud. Too noisy." She immediately shook her head to the negatory. "Besides, I'm not allowed off the refugee docks yet."

"Ah, no problem, Chiflada." Vega made a gesture with his hand, waving the issue away. "The guys at the security point are friends of mine. I saved their butts during the whole Citadel coup. You want to go to the Presidium? It's a bit clean for me, but…"

"A food kiosk and somewhere quiet and remote to sit down in would be perfect." She cut him off again.

"I know a place."

* * *

He did get her off the docks after a brief conversation with a buddy in C-Sec who was now convinced Vega was going to score with the skinny crazy lady. Didn't speak much to what the guy thought about his taste, but James wasn't going to complain. Not if it was going to get him what he wanted.

He wasn't sure when it had become more about helping Senorita Psycho and less about reaming her for the utterly lame way she'd let Alenko know she was alive, but it was clear she needed help.

Besides, she was Alliance. Sometimes it was that simple.

He ordered two large grilled noodles, one of which would have filled him up, and put them both in front of her before going back for several drinks and his own portion. She had a good bit of the first bowl already eaten by the time he returned and he counted that as a good thing, knowing how fast biotic metabolism burned through calories. Shepard could get downright bitchy when she'd gone too long without refueling. Of course that didn't really explain her attitude the rest of the time…

"Why is Cerberus after you?" James asked as Rel paused in eating to drain one of the water tubes he'd placed before her.

"Because I like killing them." She answered and her smile was just creepy enough to send a chill up the back of his spine.

"Doesn't explain why they want you alive." James broke his chopsticks apart and began stirring his noodles with expertise. "Or wasn't I supposed to notice that?"

She settled back, watching him from behind those dark shades that he'd yet to see her without. "I have a feeling you notice more than people expect." She replied in idle tones.

"Like when people dodge questions I ask? Yeah. I do." This time there was an extra bite to his tone. "Look, you need…"

"To eat in peace is what I need…"

"You need to stop interrupting me, is what you need, Chiflada." Iron was there now. "You never know when I might go into a rage or something because I didn't get to finish all the small words I wanted to say."

A dark black brow rose over the top edge of her glasses. "My apologies for my lack of manners, Lieutenant Vega." She murmured and seemed to reassess him. "Please continue."

Instead of speaking immediately, he let the silence build between them. He'd never been uncomfortable with silence just as chatter never bothered him, they were both just ways to connect with people. She was one of the quiet ones which meant silence would soothe her rather than annoy.

"You're close to an edge you should not be on, Lieutenant Jamison." He finally spoke, his eyes flickering once more about her, from the gauntness to her grey skin, the tattered clothing she wore. "You need help, whether you want it or not."

She leaned forward and deliberately took a mouthful of noodles. Chewing slowly, she seemed to be weighing her response. "Isn't there a war going on that needs your attention, Lieutenant Vega?"

"You wear the same uniform I do, Lieutenant Jamison. That means your war is my war." He leaned forward and pushed a tube of water her way.

"I threw that uniform away." The words caught in her throat and he could see the effort she made to give them voice, to try and believe them. Make them real.

"If you had, the Major wouldn't have even got an email." He countered not in accusation, but in quiet affirmation, giving her the rebuke she wanted more than she wanted the words to be truth. "I tell you this true, Jamison…whatever you're going through, whatever you're up against, you say the word and the Normandy will take you. No doubt."

Her body jerked, almost going upright as her jaw lowered, mouth parting to speak, to give voice to the yes that was so clearly what she wanted to say…only to sag as she rejected the option. To cover, she once more took a mouthful of food.

"You not wanting to come have something to do with the lines of blue tech I see about your eyes." James didn't voice the observation as a question. He already knew that answer, just as he knew where he'd seen those traces of blue before. "The shades don't hide them completely."

She shoved back from the table, the chopsticks in her hands now held as a weapon, as if to ward him off. "Don't…" She warned, her voice shaking with emotion.

"What you're fighting, Jirel, I've fought." He didn't rise, just leaned closer to her, his expression intent. "You don't have to do this alone."

A high, wild laugh escaped her lips. "You've fought?" The sneer slid from her lips thick with contempt. "You have no idea what was done, you moronic lump of meat. You're too stupid to understand."

"I know I've killed what they tried to make you into." James ignored her words knowing them for the weapon they were, pretending they didn't affect him. "Thinking about you with that sword makes my balls want to crawl up to my adenoids and say hi, but I did. I thought about the women I've killed who carried…"

"Shut up!" She cried the words cramming her fists, the right still clenching her chopsticks, over her ears. "Shut up!"

"They want you back alive because they aren't done with you." James was relentless. "They want you back because you beat them and they want to know how."

"I didn't beat them!" She ripped the shades off of her eyes and glared at him with watery neon blue orbs where amber ones should have been. Streaks of cybernetic implants ran from the corners of her eyes out, glowing brightly.

He studied them making damn sure his face didn't show either horror or sympathy, knowing she'd react badly to both.

"I didn't." She was quieter this time, sinking back into her chair. "I hear their whispers in my head. I think thoughts that aren't mine. I wake up in strange places doing strange things and have no memory of how I got there or why. I didn't beat them. I ran away."

Once more he used silence to soothe her, to let her settle. He wanted to go back to the Cerberus agents they'd left alive and curb stomp the shit out of them. He wanted to hold her tight and tell her it was alright and she was going to be okay and that this was all just a really bad dream that she could wake up from. Instead he simply let the quietness calm her.

"I'm sorry I was rude to you and called you names." She said wiping her eyes. "I didn't mean them."

"I've heard 'em before." He gave a dismissive shrug of one shoulder.

Her head snapped up and she glared at him. "That doesn't make them right." She said before carefully replacing her shades over her eyes with fingers that trembled.

"So what's the plan? You keep running?" James decided refocusing the conversation would be a good idea. "Because from where I'm sitting, that's a shitty plan."

"This is not your problem, Lieutenant Vega." She said quietly and returned to her food, this time barely chewing before she swallowed.

He watched her shove more into her mouth as if she were on a time limit and shook his head. "Yeah. You're right." He pushed his chair back from the table. "It's not my problem."

She watched him, wary, chopsticks full of noodles halfway to her mouth.

"I'm not hungry, anymore, either." He dumped his bowl into her mostly empty one and then tossed his into the recycler. "Normandy's at dock for the next twenty-four hours, Chiflada. If those voices tell you to get in contact with me, I can be reached there." He walked away from her, his hand giving a short backward wave.

Rel watched him walk away, ignoring the disappointment that drifted through her at his easy rejection. Without him there, her eating slowed to a normal pace until her stomach gave a bloated plea for no more and she carefully boxed up the rest deciding she was going to forget she had ever met Lieutenant James Vega of the Normandy the way she had forgotten she was ever a part of the Alliance Military.

* * *

"Hey, boss, wait up a sec." James caught up with Rache near the Normandy docking bay just as she was heading toward her ship and he was leaving it.

She slanted a narrow eyed gaze at him. "If this is about me grabbing your butt, that was totally your fault."

"Uhn…" He frowned and decided there was really no good way to answer that statement. "I need a favor."

"I don't care what her name is or how well she contorts her body, James, Normandy leaves in twenty hours." She responded in flat tones.

He paused. "How'd you know I wanted you to hold off departure?"

"I'm psychotic." Rache drawled in response.

"Yeah, but that doesn't tell me how you knew I wanted a delay." James countered and she laughed softly.

"EDI mentioned you'd been fielding messages back and forth from the Citadel and other parts of the known universe pretty hardcore for the last couple of hours." Rache motioned for him to follow her as she entered the airlock. "What's going on?"

James debated for a minute and then shrugged. "I got a buddy who's in some trouble. Just wanted to help out."

"A buddy close enough to justify the Normandy being delayed?" She asked slanting a look at him.

"Ma'am, if the Normandy needs to go, I'd like to request leave to be taken immediately." James persisted.

Rache paused before opening the Normandy's outer door and looked up at him. "Jamison's in some pretty deep shit, hmm?"

He laughed silently wondering why he'd bothered to try and keep it from her as he rubbed the thick muscles on the back of his neck. "She's in so deep she can't even smell it anymore, Commander. If I don't help her out I don't think she's gonna last much longer."

"Bring her to the Normandy…" Rache began to order but let the words die as he shook his head.

"Already tried. She's fighting some demons…" He made a low noise of frustration. "Commander, they fucked her up pretty good. I don't think she wants to risk the Major seeing her like she is." James' voice held a mixture of pity and pure anger.

"It's worse than thinking she was dead?" Rache scowled not bothering to hide her skepticism.

James gave a shrug that ended in a nod. "Yeah. It's that bad. She carries a sword, Lola."

"What the hell is with all these people carrying swords to a gun…" Rache sliced the words to a stop, her eyes widening as comprehension hit her. "Shit. They tried to make her a phantom."

"She resisted. She's still resisting. But they got a hard-on for her like no other." James crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm feeling real good about you going all caveman on her ass and dragging her by her hair to the Normandy." Rache stated matching his stance even as her jaw tightened.

"Short term, me doing that would keep her alive." James agreed with a brief, jerky nod. "Long term, that might be what sends her over the wrong edge."

Rache made a low growling noise in her throat as she paced a small circle inside the outer airlock corridor, her mind racing through the probabilities and possibilities.

"Commander, she's been dancing with Cerberus a long time. She'll have fresh, firsthand knowledge of places and people." James offered, watching her.

Green eyes speared him. "I'll delay the Normandy for now, James. I don't like the idea of leaving you behind to deal with this on your own. Plus, if Cerberus has a sizeable force still on the Citadel, I want it eliminated before I have to come back here and clean up another coup attempt." Decision made, she cocked her weight to one hip and crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you need from me?"

Oh, that was a loaded question, now wasn't it, James thought. "I need a crate of the energy bars for biotics."

Rache gave him a curious look and then shrugged. "Sure. Knock yourself out. Those things taste like paste, though."

* * *

Rel made her way back toward the crate she called home without any further trouble. Cerberus would need time to field another team to come after her, giving her a bit of breathing space…space she would use to hunt Garrett down. She knew he was on the Citadel, she just didn't know where. She would find him and then she would kill him and if the whole mission was a suicide trip, so much the better.

Then maybe she'd stop hearing the whispers.

With a final look around as a precaution before deciding it was all clear and no one had found her, Rel wedged her way into her empty cargo crate home. The nice thing about her new eyes was they could see in the dark…an advantage over most alien species as well as other humans who might want to try and roll her for the lint she had in her pockets.

Which made finding the box with Alliance stamped all over it real easy.

Knife in hand she searched the shadows of her crate but there was no one there. Whoever had left the box was long gone and had left no sign of their presence other than the biotic energy bars sitting like a challenge right in the middle of what she had thought was a very secure hiding place.

A message popped up as she drew closer.

_ A biotic needs to keep up her strength. J. Vega_

How had he wedged that wide torso of his into her crate? Rel wondered as she knelt next to the box, searching for tampering or other signs that the offering of food was a trap.

How had he found her?

Her gaze flickered to the message once more, instincts screaming through her thoughts, battling with whispers that told her to give up and surrender.

"Shut up." She muttered to them closing her eyes against the noise.

He was right. Running was a shitty plan. She needed a better one and if he was as good at finding Garrett as he was at finding her, then she had a very good plan indeed.


	16. Chapter 16

At first the tug on his dog tags was barely noticeable. Not enough for him to even consciously register the movement as anything other than odd. Then they began to lift from his chest, smack him in the lips and jerk toward his left.

Oh, James finally realized, stopping in the middle of the docking bay where the Normandy was berthed to look around.

She was standing near the memorial board, eyes still shaded to hide the cybernetics that had been forced on her. To anyone who looked at her she was the appearance of grief, focused on one of the many images posted on the wall in both memoriam and hope.

"You're pretty good." James pulled his tags down to lay flat against his chest again. "I've seen biotics that can't move anything smaller than a car without smashing something."

Her face turned toward him and he was please to see a more normal hue to her skin, the dull grey having become more flush with health. "A product of my childhood. Hiding my biotics saved me a lot of annoyance. This meant few knew which in turn gave me quite a bit of satisfaction when I used them to convince the superstitious masses into believing the floating objects in the room were angry spirits of the dead."

James crossed his arms over his chest, his expression one of humorous question. "So you pissing people off was a childhood hobby, hunh?"

She laughed softly. "You might even say it was my own personal crusade." She turned her back on the wall. "My mother is a mambo…a voodoo priestess. She claims to be a direct descendent from Marie Laveau herself. I'm of the opinion that if all those claiming to be blood of the Voodoo Queen were such in fact, Marie would have had little time to accomplish her religious avocation because she would have been constantly giving birth."

"Your mother on earth?" James frowned wondering if he should add another name to the list of those he was searching for any information on.

"I hope so." Rel said fervently.

Or maybe not.

"Yeah, I know a little about having a parent you'd rather not." James fell into step beside her as they passed easily through the C-Sec screening and into the elevators.

Her head turned slightly toward him as she chose the refugee docks for their destination. "Really?" There was a drawl of derision to her voice. "My mother decided that she had been cursed while she was pregnant with me and that my biotics were a manifestation of an evil loa that possessed me. My first exorcism was when I was eighteen months old."

He snorted. "Hah. My dad tried to make me an errand boy for his drug deals so if I got caught I'd do the time, not him."

"My mother sacrifices goats."

James took his time, thinking about it and finally shook his head. "I got nothin'."

This time her laughter was less bitter and more genuine. "At least I can say my mother genuinely loves me in her own twisted way. She still believes, even after all the studies, after all the evidence, that my biotics are the result of my being possessed and that she can 'cure' me. I learned to hide my biotics to give her peace of mind as much as to spare myself yet another ritual cleansing."

"Hide them…but you still used them." James' smile grew as he looked at her. "Do I detect a bit of stubbornness?"

Her lips parted in a wide, impish grin. "Vindictiveness might be a better word. During my mother's ceremonies I would move sacred objects trying to convince everyone the 'spirits' were angry with my mother. I'd toss things to the floor. Smash them against walls. I once made a gris-gris stalk a petitioner through the room." She reached up and tucked a long lank of black hair behind her ear. "Mother was convinced bokors….evil sorcerers…were jealous of her powers, were trying to destroy her. It never occurred to her that it was me until I told her flat out what I'd done. I was sent to Grissom Academy shortly after that."

"Where you found a whole new group of victims to torment."

Laughing she gave a regal nod of her head. "Let's just say that while I might not have the strongest biotics out there, I have the most elegant."

"That how you got free from Cerberus?" He was almost regretful in asking the question and didn't miss the falter in her step as she heard it.

"Yes." She said after a long pause. "I don't know when they first tried to indoctrinate me…I just know that it failed. Badly if I didn't even notice it."

"Indoctrination is a reaper technology." James pointed out, not to argue, just to understand.

Rel made a dismissing motion with her hand. "The Illusive Man has been studying reaper tech for years. Your own Commander Shepard gave him a huge boost in knowledge from them when she turned over the Collector Base."

"She isn't mine." James stated in flat tones and earned a slightly surprised look from her at his vehemence.

"I don't know how much what Cerberus does is similar to the reapers…I have very little knowledge of the reapers. I thought they were a myth and your Commander Shepard a lunatic." She made a mocking noise. "Guess the joke was on me."

"You, the galaxy. Everyone." James shrugged. "Don't take it personally."

"All I know is that whatever signal they tried on me failed until they did this." She motioned to her shade covered eyes. "They said it was a routine cybernetic sub-dermal implant that would help me identify other Cerberus sleeper agents. I woke up with a new set of eyes and a constant hum in my brain telling me I should be submitting. I refuse to." Her fist clenched in determination and she didn't look at him. "I _refuse_ to."

"I gotta seriously rethink whatever it is about stubborn women that turns me on." James said more to himself and received a startled look from her.

"I…" She paused and gave him a studied look. "Thanks?" The word was uncertain and he laughed.

"You're still too skinny." He redirected their route toward a food kiosk and began ordering.

"I still have bars left." She said as a token protest.

"Which you think taste like paste. Gotta have variety or life gets boring, Jamison." James laughed at her.

"Call me Rel." She said and hesitantly laid a hand on his forearm. "Thank you, Lieutenant Vega. For helping me."

He'd been half joking when he'd spoken earlier about stubborn women turning him on, but there was something about that touch that sent a throb of want through him. Maybe it was because she was vulnerable and he wanted to protect her. Maybe it was because her legs were long and curved and led to a round ass that begged to be squeezed. Probably it was because he understood just how much it had taken for her to trust him enough to willingly touch him.

Most likely it was because he'd been wanting Shepard for so long now any woman would do.

"If I'm gonna call you Rel, you'd better call me James." He gave her a disarming smile and very casually moved out from under that touch.

Not casually enough, however, for her not to notice and react with a flush of shame at the subtle rejection.

"I waited for you for a reason." She lifted her chin with pride and faced him down. "You seem to be good at finding me. I want you to help me hunt down a man."

"I can't see your eyes, chiflada, but something tells me you don't want to invite him to your next dinner party." James shoved away the hint of guilt he felt and he turned to take the food he'd ordered from the kiosk cook with relief.

"No, I'm going to kill him." Rel stated the words with the same flat determination she'd used to tell him she would not give in to the Cerberus tech that wanted her submission. "If that's a problem for you, we can part ways right now."

He motioned her to a small area with chairs and relative privacy and followed her there. "Tell me who this guy is."

Rel sat down with a casual grace that could only have come from etiquette lessons started at a young age. "Garrett Rankin. Cerberus calls him the Physician." Her voice was carefully neutral, as if she spoke of nothing more important than the weather. "I don't know how high he is in the echelon of Cerberus…I very much doubt he has ever spoken to the Illusive Man face to face, though. I learned a bit late why they called him the Physician." Her lips thinned as her jaw clenched shut and she looked away from him.

"Eat." James put a flat bread wrap full of a meat and vegetable mix into her hand.

"His job is to visit the various cells and select those who'd show promise for advancement. They call it integration." She took the wrap and let it lay in her hand, ignored. "At first I thought this was just for the recruits. Later I found out they'd been rounding up civilians, too. Packing them in cargo freighters. The Physician inspects each one personally with his omni-tool and Cerberus suddenly has a new variety of soldiers to toss at their enemies. A strong, big guy like you? Cerberus will 'integrate' you and now they have a nice, obedient Centurion. Slender, maybe older? No problem. Front lines, you're now a standard Trooper. Female? They'll imprint you with the knowledge and reactions to make you a Nemesis sniper drone. Wait? You've got biotics? Hello to your new sword and martial arts skills, you're now a Phantom."

James handed her a drink to see if he could entice something into her. He let the silence go a bit, let the emotion in her voice she was trying to control ease. "Where did the freighters go?"

"That I didn't find out until I was there myself. A colony called Sanctuary. It's on the planet Horizon in the Attican Traverse. Outside Citadel space and authority." She paused to take a small drink. "There's a facility there where they convert the new recruits, willing or otherwise." Trying to contain the shuddered that went down her spine only made matters worse and she jerked before bringing herself sharply under control.

"The place you let the Major know about." James nodded and motioned to her wrap. "Eat."

"I can either eat or talk, I can't do both." A wry smile curved her lips. "It's poor etiquette."

"Yeah, and I was gonna call you on it, too, only Commander Shepard borrowed my Miss Manners Guide and hasn't given it back yet." James retorted with heavy sarcasm.

She laughed at him and tucked her dark hair behind her ear again. "I sent the intel to Major Alenko. So far as I can tell nothing has been done with the information."

James lifted her hand with the wrap up and began poking her mouth with the breaded portion until she opened up and took a small bite. "He tried to get brass to give him permission to go to Sanctuary himself and find you. They gave him a 'no-go' and sent him after Commander Shepard instead, figuring he was the only one who had a chance in hell of bringing her in alive and with a minimum of collateral damage."

Rel methodically chewed, swallowed and drank before speaking. "That is comforting to know. Though I suppose it changes little in the long run."

"How'd you get free?" James asked.

She took a large bite of her wrap and he resigned himself to waiting. She finished her mouthful and then daintily wiped at her lips before setting the wrap down and using both hands to pick up her tube of water. After several delicate sips, she carefully sealed the cap and set the tube aside. Then she began to brush imaginary crumbs from her tattered and stained jacket as if it were the finest of silks she was concerned about being stained.

James cocked his head back and to the side growing exasperated. "Any day now, Jamison. I'm not getting…what the hell?" He watched a set of dog tags rise behind her back and over her right shoulder and hover in the air before him.

He clapped a hand to his chest and found his own set missing. Laughing he reached out and grabbed the chain.

"I am very good." Rel said without humility.

"I'll say. I didn't even feel it." James clasped them back around his neck.

"When the first indoctrination didn't take, they began the cybernetic implants." Rel continued now that her point had been made. "After the first surgery they woke me up, fully expecting that I would now be under their control. I quickly proved myself to not only be free willed, but extremely annoyed. I forced the attendant to release my restraints and then I killed her. Then I killed the doctor who had performed the surgery and all assistants. I mined the computer databases for every bit of intel they had, particularly on what had been done to me and then I destroyed them." The words were matter of fact. "I forwarded everything but what had been done to me on to Major Alenko and then I…disappeared."

"You made your way to Omega…probably stowed away." James nodded. "You lost yourself there until Cerberus overran it and drove Aria T'loak off."

"The…whispers...the urge to submit…becomes stronger the closer I am to some Cerberus operatives. I think they carry a signal that is constantly broadcast." Rel raised fingers to her forehead and rubbed. "In the week before Omega fell I nearly…it was…" Her breathing became shallow and faster. "I didn't dare sleep because I would wake up different places. I began having blackouts. I thought…"

"Easy." James grabbed her hand tightening the grip just short of pain so she'd focus on him. "Slow down. You're not there anymore. You're on the Citadel. There are no Cerberus goons anywhere near. I won't let you black out, I promise."

Her fingers dug into the skin on her forearm, clutching him like a lifeline. "I knew something was going on because it kept getting worse. I didn't know what, I didn't dare try to find out because I was so scared they'd catch me. I sold everything I had and when it wasn't enough to get me passage off of Omega, I stole the rest and I ran away."

"You survived." James leaned closer to her, his voice low and full of conviction. "Damn, chiflada, I wish I had half as much of the will to survive that you have."

She didn't appear to be listening to him. "During the coup attempt I hid again. The refugee docks weren't really a target…or at least not a high priority one. Many of the operatives came through at different places. It was sheer fluke that I saw Garrett wandering around down here, a couple of his guards at his back. He had this assessing look as he walked through…like he was already selecting which refugees would go to what integrate program. I wanted to kill him then and there."

"Why didn't you?" James asked the question with curiosity rather than any condemnation.

A faint laugh escaped from her and she raised what was left of her wrap, saluting him. "I was already running low on energy. I couldn't get off the docks to other parts of the Citadel and I refused to steal what little those who found refuge here had. There was a very good chance that not only would I fail to kill him, but I would be captured again." She shuddered and looked away. "I am not afraid of death, James. But I am terrified of them finishing what they started."

"So this asshole is here on the Citadel." James made a satisfied noise deep in his throat. "Good. I've got a couple of buddies in C-Sec I can ask to start a search for him. Hell, I could even ask Shepard to use her Spectre contacts…"

"No." Rel cut him off. "I don't want the Major to know anything about me. Not that I'm here. Not…not what happened. If Commander Shepard starts using her contacts, he might learn about it. He's a Spectre, too."

James tilted his head toward her, his expression troubled. "Yeah. About the Major. You need to give him a chance."

"A chance to what?" Rel asked more weary than obstinate. "What possible good could come out of him knowing I'm compromised because I succumbed to the opening stages of indoctrination? I can't go back to the Alliance because they will never be able to trust that a part of me isn't a sleeper agent. At best they'll simply use me to study how Cerberus is creating their soldiers. At worse, I'll be imprisoned as a danger to others."

"You think he'd let them do that to you?" James' voice was incredulous.

"I think he'd obey orders." Rel wrapped her food up as she spoke, clearing planning to leave and save the rest for later. "I think the Major already left me behind once, Lieutenant Vega. I won't risk what order he will be forced to follow next."

"Here, I'm not hungry anymore." James handed over his own, untouched food.

She laughed softly. "I seem to turn you off your appetite, Lieutenant Vega." The words were bitter but she took what he offered. "You know where to find me once you have information on Garrett."

James watched her walk away, his thoughts in a muddle. He tried to think of arguments, of persuasions that would convince her to trust him. But the only reassurances he could think of came across as lame and trite, a moronic lump of meat's attempt at cleverness that she would easily see through.

In the end, he just let her go. After all, she was right. He did know where to find her again.

* * *

Kaidan rounded the corner to the mess on the Normandy and watched as both Rache and James took immediate notice of him and wrapped up the conversation they were having. As he joined them the latter made a quick excuse and left while Rache smiled up at him.

"I'm tired of ship food. Wanna go out?" She asked.

Kaidan smiled. He'd noticed that tactic of hers before. How, if she didn't want to risk a particular topic being addressed she would immediately take command of the conversation and keep things carefully steered toward safer subjects.

"What are you and James being so secretive about?" He ignored her question.

Rache grimaced and let out a heavy sigh. "I didn't want you to find out like this." She chewed on her lower lip for a moment and his gut began to tighten with nerves. "It was an unexpected development. Neither of us really planned for it to go this far."

"You're stalling." Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down at her.

"James and I have been having a torrid love affair and he's pregnant with my child." Rache stated with a completely straight face.

Kaidan's glare darkened. "You aren't nearly as funny as you think you are."

She laughed and grinned at him. "Then I'll put it in plain terms, Kaidan…it's James' secret. If he wants you to know about it, he'll tell you." The triumph in her words, the neener-neener in her tone had his jaw clenching in anger.

"You couldn't wait to turn that one on me, could you?" He managed to speak the words evenly, trying to hide his temper which would only fuel her amusement.

"I know that couples keep secrets from each other, Kaidan, but this one I'm just going to let you know..." She leaned closer, whispering in his ear. "I was prepared to wait years…_years_…to use that against you. The fact that it's so close…it's karma!"

"I can just ask James, you know." He pointed out.

"He went thatta way!" She pointed toward the elevator.

Kaidan growled. If he did go ask James what was going on, it mean Rache won because he couldn't get it out of her. Letting Rache win was a dubious prospect at best. "Does it have something to do with why you've delayed the departure of the Normandy?"

"The bro code forbids my answering that question." Rache intoned with sadistic glee.

A noise of frustration escaped from him and her grin grew brighter. "Rache, I know better than most that you are not a 'bro'." He deliberately let his gaze fall to her chest.

"James is my bro and my code forbids me answering." She clarified with a 'so there' tone.

Kaidan's anger morphed to a more naturally inclined rueful humor. "True. He is your brother. I can wait to find out." He smiled in the face of her fading merriment. "Want to hit that café on the Commons for some lunch?"

Now Rache was frowning at him. "Kaidan, you didn't really think there was something going on between James and me, did you?" She asked the question with utter seriousness. "There isn't. He's just…he's…I mean, we aren't that way with each other. I know we tease each other and maybe that can be taken wrong…"

He laughed and cupped her upper arms pulling her closer. "No, Rache. I do not believe you have any romantic intentions toward James at all. I just don't like secrets between us any more than you do."

Still cautious, Rache frowned at him. "It's not even James' secret, if that helps. He wants you to know, but he made a promise."

"Okay, stop. You don't need to tell me to reassure me, Rache. I'm good." Kaidan began walking her toward the elevator. "Just let me know if you need my help with anything."

Rache gave a shrug, adjusting her pace to his without even thinking about it. "I've heard some stirrings that Cerberus might still have a significant force on the Citadel. Bailey's checking some things out for me but it's difficult considering how many losses C-Sec sustained during the coup. Most never even saw it coming." Her jaw clenched in anger. "Anyway, I figured it was better to wait and see if Cerberus was going to try again rather than come into it after the blood bath has started."

Kaidan nodded his head. "I'll send out a couple of feelers of my own."

She gave him a cautious study, as if still unsure that he was okay with everything. Whatever she saw must have reassured her because she relaxed and smiled. "Kaidan, you know that if it was important I'd break a promise in a heartbeat and spill my guts to you, right?"

He turned to her in the elevator pulling her close for a long, lingering kiss. "I know."


	17. Chapter 17

The light glinted off the dog tags as she held them above her, watching them spin.

Rel lay on her back inside the crate she had claimed as her own, her stomach full for the second time in as many days, the voices in her head quiet to the point she could almost believe she would never hear them again.

She'd stolen and returned his dog tags as a joke, a challenge of her skill. A proof, mainly to herself, that she was still Jirel Jamison and not a mindless drone. Seeing, handling those of James Vega, however, had sparked deep memories of holding her own, of making them dance in the air with her biotics. She remembered how much pride she had had in them. Of being a member of the Alliance. Of proving she wasn't a mistake, a curse, but a valuable, contributing member of society.

Her own tags were one of the few things she'd kept with her in her mission to infiltrate Cerberus. Having them wasn't a surprise or even odd…there were plenty of disenchanted Alliance soldiers flooding Cerberus' ranks. There had even been talk early on of her returning to the Alliance as a sleeper agent. But that was before she so foolishly showed off her biotics. The skills she took such pride in betrayed her with the best of intentions and the Physician decided she was of better use as a soldier, a phantom, than in any covert position.

But she still had her own tags. She still remembered the naïve, earnest soldier she'd been. So determined to prove to everyone else that she was the best even though others were stronger. So determined to prove to Kaidan Alenko…the highest ranked biotic in the Alliance…that she had what it took to be part of his spec ops team. She had worn her tags with pride knowing they stood for everything she had fought for, everything she had earned in her bid to someday be the best biotic field agent in the Alliance.

Now those tags were a memoriam of who she had been. Of who she had wanted to be.

Rel let the tags plunge through the air to land on her chest and left them to lie in the valley between her breasts and stared up at the ceiling of her crate which should have been too dark to see.

He wore his Alliance loyalty with pride, almost a part of his very skin, much as Kaidan Alenko had. The tags on his chest hanging out for the world to see. The t-shirt emblazoned with his special forces designation. Maybe James Vega wasn't a biotic, but his dedication to the Alliance couldn't be questioned. She was pretty sure the only reason he'd gone out of his way for her was because in his eyes, the fact that they had worn the same uniform was all that mattered. Maybe it was hubris of her, maybe it was delusion, but she rather thought the soldier she had been would have agreed.

Now the woman who heard voices and could see in the dark could not care less about the tags or the uniform he wore. She needed him to find Garrett. Whatever it took, whatever it cost her, however she had to use this loyal Alliance dog, she would so long as she could get Garrett in a range close enough to ram the sword Cerberus had forged for her use in their name right through his throat.

The tags on her chest suddenly flew through the air, crashing against the far wall of the crate before sliding down into the trash pile gathering there.

* * *

If he were an egotistical bastard who thought he could play god with the lives of other people where would he go?

James mused over the question as he sauntered toward the security station near the refugee docks.

Maybe it depended on why he was here on the Citadel? Or maybe it depended more on how well the fact he was an egotistical bastard with delusions of supremacy was known. If he were smarter, he would have asked Rel how she had learned that Garrett was the Physician.

"Hey, Vega. How's it going?" Vesuthius, a turian c-sec officer greeted him as he leaned up against the counter. "You ever close the deal with that refugee woman?"

James grinned at him. "C'mon, Ves, you got no faith in my abilities?"

"No, just your pick up lines." The turian rubbed back good naturedly. "She's been in and out a couple of times today. Always by herself, if it matters."

"She out now?" James looked toward the elevator as if she would suddenly appear. "Maybe I'll catch up with her and see about getting her some dinner."

"Yeah, she's currently on the Commons." The turian answered and then gave a snort. "Is that a mating ritual with humans? Offering food?"

"Yep. Shows we can provide for our women." James gave a solid nod of his head. "How do you guys show a lady a good time?"

"Usually combat of some kind." Ves answered easily enough. "I prefer target shooting. Others would rather go hand to hand. I have a brother that asked his wife to marry him based on her being able to outfly him in a fighter. She literally shot him down eight times before she finally gave in and said yes."

James immediately made a negative motion of his head. "Too risky for me, man. We're talking about a woman who says hello with the point of a sword." He gave an exaggerated shudder. "I'll catch up with her in a bit, but I have another favor to ask."

"Name it." Ves' fingers were already dancing across the holoboard in front of him.

"Lookin' for a guy named Garrett Rankin. He came through here before Cerberus decided to fuck up the décor." James leaned closer. "Human."

Screens flashed from one to the next until the turian finally shook his head. "Nothing. You're sure he came through here?"

"I thought I was." James scowled. "Thanks anyway, buddy. Hey, we still have our game on tonight?"

"You know it. I'm going to win back my credits before Shepard gets your ass killed in this war." Ves answered with a laugh.

"You should be so lucky, man." James laughed and shoved away from the counter.

He managed two steps before a thought struck him and he paused, working the idea from every corner.

"Hey, Ves, did any doctors come through here in the weeks before the attack?" James turned back toward his buddy.

"Let me check…yes. A human male doctor named Giles Rivkin." Ves bobbed his head up and down. "His authorization onto the Citadel was prioritized because of his physician skills. He is currently attached to a refugee clinic in the lower wards."

"You got a pic?" James returned to the counter, hiding his excitement.

"Uploading image and contact information to your omnitool now." Ves answered. "That who you're after?"

"Maybe." Probably, James thought as he pulled up the image of a distinguished man with cold, dead eyes. "Thanks, Ves. See you tonight. Better bring what's left of your paycheck."

Yeah, there was something off about the dark haired human with skin the color of creamed coffee and silver at his temples. Something that reminded James a bit of his dad when the bastard was determined to make sure his drug deal went through no matter what or who stood in his way.

Plus, a refugee clinic in the lower wards? A low growl rumbled from James' chest. What better way to help people disappear than an overcrowded, underfunded place that offered help?

Problem was he had no proof, just a lot of speculation. He needed more before he sent either his when-it-suited-her psychotic commander or the insane lady who heard voices after the clinic to commit violence first and ask important questions later.

And since when did having crazy women in his life become the norm? A grin split his lips showing strong white teeth. At least the crazy women were hot, he told himself with an 'oh, well' shrug as he hailed a cab for the lower wards.

* * *

The clinic wasn't hurting for business.

James hung back, watching the steady in and out of families and refugees. He didn't miss the armed guards who were lounged casually about as if they had nothing better to do than just sit and adjust the concealed batons in their jackets. There was a third sort that seemed to come and go frequently, too. Sometime male, sometimes female, always dressed shabbily, but their body language didn't fit the down and desperate transplants from systems taken over by reapers. They moved with a purpose, with confidence and determination.

So how did he play this? Go back and get Rel? She had a right to be here and she was the only one who could confirm if Rivkin was Rankin but if things got messy, she still wasn't up to fighting weight and they would be outnumbered. So the Commander and the Major, then? That had its own set of problems, too. The Commander never met a situation she couldn't shoot her way out of…even if shooting wasn't really called for and as much as he would love to plant a few in Rankin, until he was sure that's who the guy was maybe Shepard's bull in the china shop act would be too much.

"Hey, Alliance." A voice from behind him drew James' attention and he slowly turned, realizing as he did so that the guards around the clinic were now moving…toward him.

A tall guy with non-descript dock workers clothes on gave James an assessing look. James answered with an easy smile. "What's up, amigo?"

"You got some kind of interest in seein' a doctor, Alliance?" Cold eyes and a menacing glare were meant to intimidate him, James was sure, it was just kind of lost on a guy who had gone head to head with some seriously fucked up reapers goons.

"Maybe. The doctors here any good?" James jerked his head toward the clinic.

No-name didn't look away. "What's Commander Shepard's interest in Doctor Rivkin?" The voice was colder now.

Shit. That he hadn't expected. They knew who he was, who he worked with.

James considered the man in front of him even as he heard the rustle of cloth telling him that the goons behind him were drawing their batons. Maybe there was a reason Shepard went more for the bull in a china shop act.

"The Commander could care less about Rivkin." James kept his eyes forward and his ears open for the movement behind him. "But the Physician…Rankin…him she would like to get to know better, if you feel me."

Movement in the air behind him. James ducked to the left spinning around to smash a fist into the ear of the guard who'd just tried to brain him with the baton and send him crashing into one of his companions. Still moving, he grabbed the arm of the third guy, jerking him forward to crash into No-name.

"That the best you've…ughn!" The words died on a groan as a previously unseen guard smashed his baton, this one electrified, against James' kidneys.

Damn, he was going to be feeling that one for a while. Trying to clear his head, to force his body to answer to the movements he needed to make, James stumbled forward right into No-name's fist.

"Grab his arms. Get him off the street." No-Name ordered and James felt arms grab him, hauling him partially up from the ground.

"Shit, what the hell they feed this guy?" One of the guards groaned as they dragged him away from the public and into the nice beat-the-shit-out-of-him shadows.

"What's Shepard's interest in Rankin?" No-Name demanded lifting James' chin with his non-electrified baton.

"Kinky sex." And pray Lola never heard mention he'd actually said that, James thought privately as he began to get feeling back in his fingers.

A fist crashed into his kidneys again and James grunted in pain.

"Really, you can die hard or you can die quick. Your choice." No-Name pointed out once more lifting James' chin.

James laughed. "Seriously? Kill me and Shepard will come down on your ass like a demon of vengeance until nothing is left." The baton crashed against his jaw, not hard enough to break, but damn he could feel it.

"There are places to dump a body here on the Citadel where the keepers make sure you never get found." No-Name smiled down at James with a less than friendly intent. "She never knows where you went, she'll never know where to look."

"You seriously think I came down here without telling her where I was going?" Come to think of it, that would have been a good idea, James thought.

"I think you're going to answer my questions before I kill you." No-name replied, his voice oddly devoid of emotion.

Here it came.

James rode the crest of pounding fists and batons…they didn't use the electrified one on him again…ducking his head to ride most of the punches that opened up skin on his face. He'd been here before, usually in a bar fight or two where he gave as good as he got, but until he had his chance, they could exhaust themselves on beating him and hope none of it got too serious. He really hated pissing blood.

His chance came sooner than he thought it would. The chump on his left arm, probably believing that James was as smashed up and hurt as he was acting, loosened his grip to one hand so he could join in on the beat down. James twisted his hand back, snagged the guy by his belt and threw him into No-Name.

While the others were still reacting, James made it to his feet. His large hands grabbed the ears of the nearest goon and slammed his head down James' rising knee crunching bone back into brain matter. No-name and his boyfriend were still trying to sort themselves so James went after the other two who had held him down. Catching the haft of the baton aimed toward his head on the palm of his left hand, James used the goon's own momentum to first smash the baton back into the attackers face and then followed that up with a sledgehammer right. That guy wasn't getting up anytime soon.

James took a blow on already aching ribs from the guard in front of him before planting a reinforced combat boot right between his legs with enough force to literally lift the goon off the ground. Even his own balls flinched at that one and sympathized with the crying man. But there were still two more including No-Name, both of whom were now on their feet, batons at the ready to give him a world of hurt.

James decided on the direct approach.

With a roar he surged forward, arms out, feet digging into the ground before shoving him on to gain more momentum, more force before he slammed into the last two guards and kept knocking them back like a defensive lineman until the backs of their heads smashed into the building wall. While the one on the left was still stunned, James grabbed his face pulling him away from the wall before slamming him back once more. The guard crumpled leaving only No-Name and James was already on him.

Strong fingers dug into the wrist holding the baton, forcing No-Name to drop the weapon even as James' right hand grabbed the interrogator's neck shoving him up against the wall until only his tiptoes were touching the ground.

"Tell me about Rankin." James growled at No-Name quickly tossing his head to the side to try and get the blood out of his eyes.

"Ex…ecute…" No-Name rasped the words, glaring at James. "Sui..cide proto…col." A cold blue light began to glow in his human looking eyes.

"Sui…shit!" James tossed him to the side, taking a dive the opposite direction as a small explosion rocked the dark alley.

The ringing in his ears took a bit to subside. While he was waiting, wiping at the blood trickling into his view, James carefully turned over on his back and assessed the damage about him. No-Name was now No Head, as were the others who'd come after him leaving a mess of blood and brain matter scattered about. He could hear sirens in the distance telling him C-Sec was about to make an appearance.

And he was no closer to having positive confirmation Rankin was the doctor in the clinic…and if he was, the man would have to be a complete moron to not realize his identity had been compromised. In other words, James thought with disgust as a mix of turians and humans in C-Sec armor burst into the alley, he had yet again seriously fucked up an op.

* * *

"Oww, dammit. Watch it." James hissed as Ves pressed a medicated pad to his forehead.

"Are all you humans such babies?" Ves chuckled not pulling back.

"Want me to crack open your skull plate and pour that shit on you to see how it feels?" James growled at him, his eyes narrowed as he glared at the turian. He was sitting on a low table in a C-Sec room, his torn and bloody shirt wadded in his right fist so he could better inspect the bruises and cuts on his chest. None of his tats were messed up this time so he was gonna call it a win.

"Hah." Ves snorted. "For a turian, that's foreplay."

"Yeah, but we ain't dating no matter how many times you ask, Ves." James retorted.

"Should I be jealous?" A woman's mild voice asked from the doorway.

James' attention immediately shifted to the tall woman walking so gracefully toward him, dark shades covering her eyes, her dark black hair braided back out of her face. Unconsciously he stopped slumping over in pain and straightened his spine. "Rel. You're here."

"Thank you, Ves, for sending someone for me." Rel addressed the turian with a soft smile and warm words. "I'm very grateful for your thoughtfulness."

If turians could blush, James was pretty sure Ves would be a bright baby-girl pink. Instead, the tough C-Sec officer stammered out a thank you and quickly excused himself after shoving the medicine into her hands. Rel didn't turn her attention to the only other occupant in the room until the door behind Ves had closed and a comfortable silence had filled the space between them. He couldn't see her eyes, but he could tell she was making note of the bruises about him.

"May I?" She made a gesture with the medgel tube.

"Uh…sure, I guess." He shrugged and immediately regretted it as the flare of agony went up his back.

"I hope the other guy learned his lesson." Rel stepped boldly between his spread legs, the fingers of her free hand lifting his chin to study the mottled and cut skin.

"There was more than one of them and they don't have heads now." James answered in wry tones. "So I don't know how well the lesson was learned."

"Cerberus programs its operatives to suicide on capture." Rel commented, her voice suddenly full of interest as she began gently rubbing medgel over the cuts on his lip and cheek. "The Illusive Man doesn't like having his secrets exposed."

She was warm. He could feel the heat off her body and suddenly his own heartbeat was very loud and very fast.

"I don't think a program can blow heads up." James countered as his eyes fell to the round generous breasts in front of him. Blood surged through him as he realized his mouth was just a few short inches away from temptation and he had to clench his fists to keep himself from swaying forward.

"No, but the explosives placed in them on a sub-dermal level that the program activates can." She answered, completely oblivious to how hard he was…haha…struggling not to grab her. "They most likely weren't even aware that they were there."

"Wait…what?" James pulled his thoughts out of his pants and jerked his head up, staring at her. "Cerberus planted explosives on them? What about you?"

Her fingers stilled and she looked down at him, a bittersweet smile curving her lips. "I miss my brown eyes in more ways than one, Lieutenant Vega." She said softly before returning to her ministrations.

"Okay. Not cool." A muscle twitched in James' clenched jaw. "We'll get you to the Normandy. The doc there…Chakwas…she's damn good. If anyone can figure out how to get that shit out of you it's her."

"It's not a priority, James." She said with a shake of her head.

He surged to his feet, making her stumble back a step at the unexpected move. His arms caught hers, balancing her and even jerking her closer. "The hell it's not, Rel." The words were hard and fast as he used one hand to rip her glasses off her face. "How can you be so calm about having that crap in you ready to go off any time that programming decides it can?"

Solid blue orbs with a shimmering pupil a shade darker than the rest focused on him. "The voices say I'm safe for now, James…"

"Don't give me that shit, Rel." He cut the mockery filled words off. "No one should have to live like that. You're Alliance. You come in and you will be taken care of."

"Don't be boring, James." She turned away from him, reaching out to take up the medgel tube. "We've had this conversation before."

"And we're going to keep on having it until you come to your senses." James didn't let up. "You can't live this way, Rel."

"If the reapers have their way, living like this won't be a problem." She answered, unperturbed as she squeezed more gel on her fingers. Taking advantage of her proximity to him, she chose the worst of the dark purple/black bruises on his chest and began rubbing the medication in.

He caught her chin, forcing her blue eyes to meet his. "You gave up, didn't you." The words were harsh and condemning. "That's why you don't want the Major to see you. You don't want him to see that the soldier he trained, the operative he sent out, has become a suicidal wreck."

She stiffened and he had the very clear sense she wanted to hit him but good manners wouldn't let her.

"If I had given up, I wouldn't be here now, I'd have died on Sanctuary. Or worse." The words were even and exquisitely polite.

"Naw." He shook his head. "You had the uniform before. You fought to get free because you had a mission to fulfill. Now you've thrown that uniform away because you can't justify wearing it and going ahead with your little suicide pact against Rankin."

"Rankin deserves to die." Her teeth ground on the words, forcing them to remain low and controlled.

"Yeah, no arguments there. Hell, I'd even hold your coat while you shot him." James nodded, his expression uncompromising. "But he doesn't deserve to take you with him when he goes. You are a soldier, Jamison. Not a suicide bomber."

"I am a freak." She hissed at him, her control finally slipping. "First it was biotics, now it's voices in my head and sword and martial arts skills that I am perfect at without having taken a lesson a day in my life. The best thing I can do is remove Garrett Rankin before he makes another like me!"

James snorted crossing his arms over his chest, ignoring the pain that flared at the movement. "That's a great plan, Rel. Beautiful. Simple. I especially like the part where you take out Rankin, killing you both, and the Illusive Man just shrugs and says get another doctor to do the exact same job. You'll save lots of lives by tossing your own, won't you."

Her expression crumpled but she faced him, her chin lifted because pride wouldn't let her look away from his truth. "I won't hurt anymore."

"Oh, suck it up, Princess." James groaned the words in disgust, tossing his hands. "You think you're the only one life dealt a shitty hand? You were Alliance. You know how to pick up and move on when things hurt. You know how to get the job done when all you want to do is lie down and die. I know for damn sure Alenko never taught you to give up and quit because if he had, you wouldn't be hiding from him."

"What do you want from me?" The volume rose on the words as she lifted her hands toward her head, as if to block him from her ears. "I walked away from the Alliance…"

"Yeah, not one of your smartest moves." James was uncompromising. "You walked away from other soldiers, other biotics, who could help you with what's happened. I'm not talking brass. I'm not talking the psych doctors that dance in your head. I'm talking other soldiers, other grunts. The ones next to you after a day of marching in full gear making bets on whose blisters are the biggest and ugliest. I'm talking the ones who would take a bullet for you without hesitation. The ones who will raise a glass and toast your memory when you take the final walk. You are Alliance, Rel!"

Tears spilled and ran down her cheeks and finally she couldn't look at him anymore, her fists clenching and unclenching as silent shudders jerked her shoulders.

He gave her time, letting the words sink in…a trick the Major had taught him…before he moved closer making sure she understood that he wasn't going anywhere when a fellow soldier was in pain.

"Let Alenko help you." He finally said.

"A gentleman would know better than to make a lady cry." She wiped at her eyes, still not looking at him.

"Chiflada, I'm standing here without a shirt on wondering how I can get you to take yours off, too." James managed a lopsided grin. "Ain't no gentleman in this room."

She laughed and even smiled at him, her blue eyes seeming warmer as she looked at him. "No. Just a soldier. One who needs his wounds tended. Please sit, Lieutenant Vega."

"Give me an answer on meeting with the Major." James was immovable, his expression easy and open but underscored by granite determination.

She carefully picked up her shades to put on only to have James take them from her and throw them over his shoulder hard enough to have them bounce off the wall behind him.

"You are a stubborn man, James." She frowned at him.

"That ain't an answer, chiflada."

She gave a graceful nod but her fingers shook as she picked up the medgel tube once more. "I will meet with Major Alenko." The words were quiet and soft, as if she hoped he wouldn't hear them.

"Good. I'll hold you to that." James gave a decisive nod. "Now, about you taking off your shirt…"

She smiled at him, her fingers moving to the jacket she wore. "Why not? We're just soldiers here, after all."

Alarm had James' eyes widening as she laid the jacket on the table next to him. "Uh, Rel, that's not…I mean you're hot…really hot…ughn…" Articulation failed him completely and she burst out laughing.

"Your expression, under the bruises and cuts, of course, is utterly priceless." Rel gave him a broad smile motioning him to sit down. "I'll keep my shirt on and you will let me take care of those at least."

He wasn't going to obsess on her breasts this time, either, James told himself sternly as he sat down on the table once more. Especially since there was now one layer less covering them. He was just going to enjoy how good her hands felt on him…a fellow soldier taking care of his wounds…and not think about how he'd never had a woman this tall so close to him making him very aware of how good they would fit together.

Besides…he was in love with Shepard. He shouldn't be thinking about another woman's breasts even if he couldn't touch hers.

Maybe he should just stop thinking about breasts at all.

"Hey, want to go for dinner after this?" James asked, determined to refocus his thoughts.

"You have got to stop feeding me, James." Her voice was low and husky and he could feel the words crawl up his spine in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with what she was saying.

"Not gonna happen." James snorted deliberately turning his head away from her chest, hoping for an out of sight, out of mind experience. "I know better than to let a biotic go without eating regularly. I've served with some of the best."

"You turned…I need your head this direction, please." Light fingers tugged his chin toward her only they both underestimated how close she was to him as his lips grazed over the peak of her right breast.

Both of them froze.

James swallowed hard, unable to pull his gaze away as the nipple he'd unintentionally stroked perked right up to attention and pressed against her shirt. Want surged through him, strong and powerful, demanding that he place his hands on her waist and pull her closer, finally dragging his eyes from that perfect breast to Rel's face. Her cheeks held a hint of color, but the soft part of her mouth as she looked at his made clear that the desire wasn't one sided.

He didn't think, just lifted his chin the scant space required to meet her halfway and to finally…_finally_…sink deep and taste her. Rel curved about him, her hands cradling his head, urging more from him even as his left hand moved from her waist down a well muscled thigh to cup the back of her knee, bending it forward and lifting up to rest on the table, half her weight on the other leg, half now on his lap.

He heard her groan low, a sound that turned him on like no other. Without thinking twice, he moved her other knee bringing her solidly onto his lap where he needed her, all without breaking the rub of his mouth against hers, the stroke of his tongue deep against her own.

He couldn't remember any woman ever affecting him like this before. Couldn't remember ever feeling so strongly that the rest of the galaxy could burn so long as he could have her, right here, right now. Her taste, the soft skin he was discovering under the shabby t-shirt she wore, the plump weight of her breast, the hard prod of her stiff nipple pushing against his thumb…nothing in his life had ever been this perfect.

"Kaidan, you better tell me the nurses that attended you were big and male, preferably Krogan and nothing like James'." The humor laden voice cut through the intense pleasure.

"Shepard!" James jerked his mouth from Rel's with shocked horror. He jumped to his feet without any thought for the woman on his lap leaving her to hit the floor hard on her butt with a startled noise. "Commander!"

Rache stood in the doorway just in front of Kaidan, her weight cocked to one hip, arms folded under her breasts as she dropped her gaze to the irate woman on the floor. "Classy, James. Really classy."

"Shit!" James quickly bent over, hands out only to be met by the icy disdain of Rel's displeasure.

"Don't even _think_ about touching me right now." A wish for his withering death was implied in her tone as she tugged her t-shirt down.

"How about mine, Lieutenant Jamison?" The Major asked moving to her side, his face carefully blank in an effort to contain the fierce emotion that brightened his eyes.

For a breath her head turned toward him only to have her jerk away, hiding. "I need…where are my…" She started to crawl under the table, her hand out for the shades James had tossed away.

"Rel." Kaidan simply said her name and she paused. "It's good to see you."

"If we'd waited for five minutes you could have been seeing a lot more of her." Rache chuckled. "Obviously James wasn't as badly hurt as was reported. Either that or this new innovative way they have of applying medgel is going to cause a lot of distraction in the field."

A bright red flush surged painfully up his neck as he stood all but at attention in front of her. "Commander, I had no idea…I didn't mean to be kissing her…"

"You might want to shut up before she starts trying to disembowel you, James." Still grinning, Rache's gaze shifted to the still woman on the floor. "She is Alliance, after all. She has what it takes to face anyone."

Kaidan gave her an exasperated glance for the blatant prod that was answered by Rache's best attempt at an innocent expression.

"Yes. Yes, I am Alliance." Rel nodded, as if affirming the statement to herself before slowly turning her head and looking at Kaidan, her cybernetic eyes open and her body braced for whatever reaction he might have.

His expression revealed nothing as he carefully studied what had been done to her. "Welcome home, Lieutenant Jamison." The words were warm and full of relief.

Emotion had her chest surging once, but she fought back, determined to keep her composure as she took the hand the Major had extended toward her. "I apologize for the dereliction of my duty, Major Alenko. I should have made my face to face report before now." She let him pull her to her feet.

"Yes, you should have." Kaidan's voice hardened marginally but his gaze moved to the neon lines about her eyes again. "But I understand why you didn't."

"She has explosives in her head." James blurted suddenly, awkwardly, trying to help.

Rache gave him an alarmed look. "And you were sucking face with her?"

"Cerberus implants." Kaidan ignored both of them, addressing Rel. "We've run across the problem before when trying to interrogate the few we've captured. They can be removed."

"They can?" Rel's expression was suddenly full of hope.

"It's not without risk, but there have been successes." Kaidan nodded. "If that is what you want, Lieutenant, I will make it happen for you."

She seemed to straighten then, her shoulders going back, her chin lifting. "Sir, I am compromised. The beginnings of their integration protocols are in me. I get thoughts that aren't mine. I black out."

"She's damn nasty with a sword, too." James grumbled.

Kaidan continued to ignore everyone else in the room except his student. "The fact you are here before me, telling me this, Lieutenant, means you still have free will. We can help with the rest. There have been some studies done with asari psychologists that have reversed victims farther along in the process than you are. You don't have to fight this alone anymore, Rel. You never did." For the first time condemnation was heard in his voice.

Rel glanced at James and then back to the Major and gave a quick nod. "Yes, sir. I'm beginning to realize that now."

Kaidan looked at Rache. "I'm going to take Rel and start things moving through the Alliance's red tape. Can you handle James?"

"With my hands tied behind my back." Rache snorted but her attention was on the taller woman. "Lieutenant Jamison, I don't know when or where, but I promise you…I will put a stop to this. I will wipe Cerberus from everything but the history books."

"Commander Shepard, I used to think you were an idiot unworthy of the adoration most gave you." Rel responded never quite looking at Kaidan as she spoke the final words. "You said the reapers were real…you were right. Be right about this, too." Snapping to attention, Rel saluted.

"I will." Rache returned the salute. "Good luck, Lieutenant."

Rel gave James a final, inscrutable look before leaving the room, Kaidan at her back.

Rache turned her attention to the bruised man. "You sucked face with a woman with explosives in her head?"

James groaned. "Commander, I don't know…she was there! It was an accident!"

"Seriously, James, you might want to think about shutting up rather than dig that hole any deeper." Rache snagged the tube of medgel and squirted a bunch on her palm. With all the grace and care of an attention deficit monkey on a caffeine high, she began slapping the stuff against his bruised chest and rubbing deep.

James grit his teeth and silently endured for as long as she let him.

"So tell me how you ended up like this." Rache gave his face a look then made a dismissive gesture as if they damage weren't bad enough to bother with. "Turn."

His ribs screamed at him under her ministrations until the gel began to kick in and heal the harm done and the pain began to flow from one area to the next, a big mass of agony.

"I screwed up." He finally said as she finished his side and adjusted her position to get his back. "Rel…Lieutenant Jamison was hunting down the guy who selected her for integration into the Cerberus program. I thought I got a bead on him, chased it down and found a couple of assholes who thought they could best me."

"Start at the beginning." Rache ordered as she found a particularly painful area over his kidneys.

"Shit, Lola, have a care, will you?" He hissed jerking away from her.

"Shut up, you baby, and report." Her voice held no sympathy whatsoever as she continued.

Between hisses and grunts of pain, he told her Rel's story and how he'd tried to find Rankin and how the path had led to a clinic in the Lower Wards.

"I like the part where their heads exploded. Very evil overlord minion of them." Rache drawled once he'd finished talking and she'd finished assaulting his bruises with the medgel. "I'm a bit fuzzy on the part where you screwed up, though."

"I didn't think about them recognizing me." James slid his t-shirt on before she found any spots she'd missed and decided she needed to start up again. "I should have been more careful. I should sure as hell have told somebody where I was headed."

"Oh, we can agree on that last one." Rache nodded her head before kicking her weight to one side and staring up at him. "You don't go into any kind of op without backup, James. Ever." The harsh tone in her voice had him ducking his head away from her. "You had a name and in less than eight hours had a location? James, that's not a screw up, that fucking brilliant."

"I don't know if it's the guy, Commander." James shook his head. "I wanted to bring Rel there to ID him, but she's a bit…"

"Insane?" Rache supplied helpfully.

"…not well." James chose the more diplomatic response.

"You fought guards whose heads went boom." Rache sniffed. "Seems to me that even if it isn't this Rankin asshole, you tumbled to a Cerberus operation. So suit up, Jimmy-James. Let's go find some bad guys. Unless you need more down time for your booboos." She clapped a hand harder than usual on one of his more painful bruises and he growled.

"Yes, ma'am."


	18. Chapter 18

Rache entered their cabin already in the process of releasing the toggles on her gore-streaked armor. She opened her mouth to greet the man lying on his back staring up at the skylight in the ceiling only to decide to hold her tongue at the pensive expression on his face.

"How's the lieutenant?" She finally asked after shoving her armor into the slots where it would be cleaned and repaired.

"I had to pull Spectre status to keep her out of the brig." Kaidan answered in a voice devoid of all emotion. "I had to pull it again to get her name to the top of list for surgery to get the implants removed. She's scheduled for next week."

Rache ran a hand through hair that had grown lank with dried sweat. "Power trip, iddnit? Pulling Spectre status on some bureaucratic asshole."

"What did I do wrong, Rache?" Kaidan sat up suddenly, a palm running through his thick hair, disturbing ends that were just beginning to get long enough to curl on their own.

She knew what he was really asking and there were several answers she could have made here…most of them smartass. "To be honest, Kaidan, nothing. Not a damn thing." She sank onto the end of the bed next to him. "Some people's demons only they can fight."

"She didn't want to report back in, Rache!" Kaidan shook his head. "Somehow, somewhere, she decided I was the enemy."

"Okay, let's look at this with your bestest bud, logic." Rache turned toward him. "So, she comes back home, reports in, Major Alenko. What do rules and regs say you do next?"

"Debrief…"

"Wrong." Rache shook her head cutting him off emphatically. "She has a nice new pair of eyes. She has voices in her skull telling her to do things she doesn't want to do. You don't debrief her, you treat her as an enemy and you interrogate. You examine. You find she's a walking bomb and you sequester her. The only reason things didn't happen this way is because you are a Spectre and stopped it."

Kaidan shook his head. "Rache, she is my student…"

"She's compromised. Doesn't matter what she wants, what you want, the minute she reports back in, she gets treated like a sleeper agent. She gets mind raped for every bit of intel she has on Cerberus. That is what rules and regs require, Kaidan." Rache flung the words like a gauntlet. "And that is what she spared you doing by not coming back in right after the op went south on her."

"I could have…"

"Could have what?" Rache cut him off again. "It took you being a Spectre to keep her out of the brig. What the hell were you going to do as just a Major?"

"Let me finish a damn sentence, Rache." Kaidan snapped at her surging off the bed.

"Why? You're wrong." Rache tossed a dismissing hand. "You want to be all emo and boohoo about this, go ahead, but do it for the right reasons. You taught Rel Jamison how to survive…and guess what? She just aced the test on that lesson. She didn't come home. She stayed free and on her terms and she _survived_. Congratulations, teacher. You done good."

His expression furious, his lips thin and compressed, Kaidan glared at her. "I am too pissed at you right now to care that you are right, Rache."

"Then be angry, Kaidan!" She stood, facing him. "Give it to me, I can take it. Because what you're really feeling? Who you're really angry at? That's the Alliance because they see black and white and Rel Jamison just became a whole lot of gray and since they see that, they see an enemy."

"She nearly lost her life, she's fighting for her sanity and those bastards wanted to rip the rest of it from her!" Kaidan snarled, his fists clenched as he slammed them through the air with impotent force. About his body his biotics began to manifest in a blue/black shimmer. "Dammit, Rache, I had to pull the Spectre card because all they could see was a Cerberus agent…a biotic one at that. That's not right! She gave everything she had for the uniform she wore and those fucking bureaucrats wanted to take what little is left."

He snagged an ammo crate from the floor near their armor station with his biotics and sent it slamming across the room against the main door with a flick of his hands.

"She is a soldier! Not a fucking statistic! Not an enemy of the state! Those _bastards!_ So smugly trying to tell me that if she were a 'real' soldier, she'd understand they were doing this for her own good." The ammo crate went flying again, this time hitting the wall under the desk. "Dammit, I wanted to smash all their skulls together to see if anything resembling brains leaked out."

"Good." Rache's smile was fierce and full of pride as she slid her palm up his chest and over the strong chords of muscle in his neck to cup the back of his head. "Did Rel watch you fight for her? Did Rel see her superior officer, her teacher, willing to back her in whatever way possible? Because _that_ is the lesson she needs to learn now. That she isn't facing this alone and that her allies…her teacher…will do whatever it takes to protect her. _That_ is the Alliance you believe in, Kaidan. That is the Alliance we serve and honor. Not bureaucratic dickheads who think like a politician first and a soldier second."

His big, strong hands rose to cup her face, the fingers threading back into the thick knot of hair at the base of her neck, his thumbs stroking along her jawline as his brown eyes glittered and stared down at her with an intensity she didn't back down from.

"I didn't fail her." He finally said the words aloud as his biotics dimmed.

"Kaidan, the minute she gave you the chance, you stood for her." Rache answered, her gaze never leaving his. "I don't know how much of her is loony-toons, but she has to know by now that her teacher, her superior officer, fought for her. And _won_."

He touched his forehead to hers, his eyes closed as he simply breathed in her scent and calmed his own rage. After a measured silence he leaned his mouth close and pressed his lips against hers for a long, sweet kiss. "Thank you." The words were soft and spoken with his forehead resting against hers.

"Oh, come on, Kaidan." Rache made a whiny noise. "I was hoping for angry make-up sex."

"Not when you stink like thermal clips and blood." He countered and gave her another kiss. "However, I am willing to negotiate the issue in the shower with you."

She laughed and stroked her fingers over his neck. "I so rarely see you lose your temper. I gotta say it turns me on. I'm just sorry you finally got news of one of your students and this happened."

"Rel says she ran into one of my teams while she was on Omega." Kaidan's smile held a simple joy. "She said they had intel on a Cerberus base specializing in research on reaper tech and were planning a raid and destroy mission. She might have an idea where another is, too. She heard rumors in the refugees docks that a recruiting station for Cerberus was destroyed in what looked like a bomb but none of the buildings next to it were harmed and there was no trace of explosives. The damage exposed a holding cell in the basement full of prisoners. Mostly biotics who had gone missing. Prostitutes, runaways and other people who live on the fringe of society and aren't missed. The authorities believe it was sheer luck they were revealed by the bomb and not killed."

"Yeah, we biotics are just lucky that way." Rache laughed, her green eyes searching his face. "Feel better?"

"Yeah." He inhaled a deep breath. "Yeah, I do. Now if I can just get word on my mom and dad, I'll be good."

Her smiled dimmed. "I called in a couple of favors. If information can be found...and best case scenario is a message from them…you'll get one."

He threaded his fingers through the knot of her hair and began unwinding the thick mass. "Knowing how much weight your name carries right now…thanks, Rache."

"_Don't_..." Rache snapped the first word out and then calmed the rest. "…thank me. Kaidan, I know I am selfish and self-absorbed and an all around bitch. I _know_ this. I cultivate this because it gets things done for me and I get a reason to not care if I don't want to." She paused and looked away from him, her lips pressed together as she ground her teeth. "I don't like knowing that I was so wrapped up in other things I missed doing this for you sooner. I _should_ have done this for you sooner."

"Yeah, not like there's a galactic war going on, right?" He chided with a soft laugh.

"Oh, screw the war, Kaidan." Rache groaned the words with disgust. "Yeah, I want to win. When I went up against the Collectors it was win at any cost and I lost some damn good members of my team because their lives were an acceptable price to pay to stop the reapers. Garrus. Tali. Jacob. Jack. Zaeed." She paused, remembering the frantic race through the base, remembering watching one of her chosen ones fall and not get up again. Remembered having no time to recover the bodies or even mourn because the mission had to succeed. "I found my threshold, Kaidan. I found what I am not willing to pay to win this war against the reapers and that is you. Because I am selfish. And if I can't win and have you, then winning is too high a price."

"You can't think that way, Rache." He shook his head. "The stakes are too high to base winning on the life of one person."

"Don't tell me how to think…and it's not just thinking. It's feeling, too." Rache slapped her fingers against her breastbone. "I warned them after the beacon on Eden Prime. I warned them after we took out Sovereign. I warned them when I went after the Collectors. I warned them when I sat on my ass in detention because it was important to you that I play the political game. They did _nothing!_ The Council. Alliance brass. _Nothing._ Then the reapers showed up and now they want me to save their asses. And when I ask for help from them? Oh, sure…but only if I do or do not cure the genophage because of a war that happened before I was born. Oh, the asari would join me except it's not politically expedient at this time to break an alliance with a salarian dalatrass. Oh, the turians won't pull troops from Palaven until I give them more troops to fight with. Gee, Shepard, we'd really love to help you out, but we just started a war with the geth for our homeworld because we thought that the brink of galactic annihilation was the perfect timing." She made a tossing gesture of utter disgust. "Fuck them, Kaidan. They have their price. Every damn one of them and I am doing my best to pay it. You are my price and I _will not pay it_."

He was quiet, his eyes studying hers before finally closing and pulling her close. "You terrify me, Rache." The words were soft and full of emotion. "There is nothing in this galaxy, not Cerberus, not reapers, nothing that scares me as the thought of losing you again."

"You won't." The words were low, the tone full of implacable conviction. "I don't care if I have to rush the gates of hell myself, Kaidan, I _will_ win this war. I will destroy the reapers and I will do it with you at my side. That is the _only_ acceptable victory for me."

Emotion filled his face, his hand cupping her cheek, his eyes simply looking at her as if nothing were more important than just remembering this moment and her. A faint smile finally curved his lips. "So what do you want to do when this is all over, Rache? Vacation? Party? Curl up on the bed and just sleep?"

"Be with you." She gave a one shouldered shrug. "Maybe we'll find your mom and dad and I can try to be nice and sweet so they'll like me."

"Oh, hell no." Kaidan laughed softly. "I've already told them all about you. If you act nice now they'll think I brought home the wrong woman."

Rache chuckled. "Maybe we could just find a place for the two of us. A home on Earth, maybe. Some place quiet and small with no politicians, no bureaucratic assholes, trying to curry favor. Just you and me and some well earned peace."

"I like the sound of that." Kaidan rubbed his thumb over her cheek. "I'd like it even more if you were my wife."

Her eyes flared wide, surprised, as she studied the sincerity in his expression.

"No. I'm not kidding." Kaidan continued letting his calm demeanor reassure her. "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, Rache. I've never needed anyone as much, either. For the rest of my life, the rest of time, there will only be you for me. Be my wife and grow old with me."

Her eyes filled and she nodded, her lips trembling as words were choked beyond speaking in the tightness of her throat. Wordless, she wrapped her arms about his neck, pulling his close. She managed a small, hiccupping noise and then speech returned.

"Yes. Very much yes, Kaidan." The words were hoarse. "As if I needed more of a reason to kick the reaper's collective ass."

He bent his head, kissing her softly on the lips. "Mom has a ring she's been saving for me, it was her parents. Tradition has it passed down in the family. When we find her and dad, I'll tell them and she'll get it for me. You'll love it."

"We can get matching tattoos and I'd be okay, Kaidan." Rache whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Rel stood next to the desk in her small detention room staring down at the glitter of her dog tags. Major Alenko had ordered them retrieved from the crate she had called her home by a rather disagreeable sergeant who had tossed them at her calling her a Cerberus traitor.

She'd jerked his feet out from under him with her biotics as he'd walked out the door. Since her back was deliberately to him when it happened, he had not only not suspected she'd had something to do with it, he'd missed the small smile of satisfaction at his cries of pain and the proclamation his nose was broken.

It truly was the simple things in life that gave a woman pleasure.

The quiet in her head was due to the jamming tech in the walls about her blocking any signals and left her feeling almost normal. Unless she looked in a mirror.

They wouldn't be able to remove all of the Cerberus tech in her head in one surgery, her team of doctors warned her. Like with so many things it was easier to destroy than rebuild. But she was determined that no matter how many surgeries were required, no matter how long it took, she would reclaim her body for herself as much as possible. They were already growing new eyes for her using her DNA and that was a good start. By this time next week she would be on her way back to normal.

Whatever that meant.

Raised voices drew her attention in the outer hall. Abandoning her tags she followed the loudest voice and found a very familiar large lieutenant, his face inches from a sergeant with a bandaged nose.

"She is a soldier who was wounded fighting on the front lines while your ass spread sitting at a desk!"

"She's a Cerberus cu—" The word was choked off by Vega's hand clutching at the sergeant's throat.

"James." Rel said after the sergeant's face began to go purple.

Shoving the soldier back into his chair, James spared her a single glance and for the first time Rel actually saw the fierce, no-holds barred soldier peering out from his angry golden eyes instead of the laidback, friendly giant.

Something strong and hot seared through Rel as she looked at those intense eyes. A very physical need that wasn't willing to be distracted by anything so banal as society mores and taboos. She actually swayed a step forward, good manners be damned, and only held herself in check as he turned away from her, completely oblivious to her want.

"I hear one complaint from her about how she is treated and you and I will finish this conversation, Douglas." He growled at the coughing soldier.

"Before you attempt to raise a fuss about this incident…" Rel stepped out of her assigned room and into the hallway. "…I suggest you recall that Lieutenant Vega regularly goes into combat and watches the backs of not one, but two Spectres."

The sergeant's hand fell away from his console.

Rel dismissed him as unimportant and focused a welcoming smile on the still vibrantly furious man in front of her. "Will you enter my chamber, James?" She extended an elegant arm of invitation and then proceeded him back into her room.

"This ain't a chamber, it's a closet." James glared at the small confines, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he ground his teeth. "I've been in solitary confinements bigger than this."

Rel didn't disagree. She was too busy realizing she had made a very grave tactical error if she planned on maintaining any kind of control while dealing with him. The room that had seemed adequate and functional, if bare and devoid of any kind of art or soul, was now much smaller with his broad shoulders and thick muscles heating the air. What had been once unremarkable was now much more…intimate.

"You have a new cut on your head." Rel observed moving over to stand next to the single bookshelf that stood depressingly empty. "Have you considered allowing your body to heal before tossing yourself into combat again?"

The agitation in him was easing and he managed an almost careless shrug of his shoulders. "I can take it." Golden eyes flickered over her. "You okay? They treating you right? You eating?"

A delighted laugh welled up from her soul, surprising her at the almost happy sound. "James, one of these days we're going to have a meal that I pay for simply so I'll know what it's like."

An almost blush fought its way to the top of his broad cheekbones and was mostly hidden by the darker tone of his skin. "What can I say? I like a woman with curves."

There is was again. That electric zing, that tangible atmosphere like a lightning bolt about to hit, that awareness that there was something very visceral connecting them.

James coughed and brought up his omni-tool giving Rel the impression that he was going to ignore whatever was between them as best he could. "Tell me if you see someone familiar."

Footage from a C-Sec entry point began showing the features of a medium height, distinguished man carrying a single bag. "Doctor Giles Rivkin." He spoke the name clear and crisply.

Rel's teeth bared on a hiss of hate. "Garrett Rankin." The name was a curse spat from the depths of her fear.

James' expression turned grim. "I was afraid of that."

"You killed him?" Rel raised her gaze from the image to James' regretful expression.

He denied that hope with a shake of his head. "I found him—his guards are the ones who gave me those love taps you helped…ughn, you…" This time the blush wouldn't be denied and contained a hint of shame as they both recalled how she had tended to him and how he had literally dumped her on the floor. Quickly he moved on. "After the Major took you, Commander Shepard and I went back to where I got jumped. Killed a bunch of Cerberus goons. Freed a bunch of refugees nobody had even realized were missing. Rankin had bugged out by the time we got to his office."

Rel's anger was a calm sort, mollified by his shamed body language and the way he turned away from her, refusing to meet her gaze.

"C-Sec's plastering his face everywhere. Once I tell them you've confirmed his real name, they'll add that to it." James said and she could hear in his voice frustration and some other emotion she wasn't sure of.

She was quiet, considering him, trying to understand.

Guilt.

The thought sent a wave of comprehension through her. This was what she was seeing, was hearing from him. Guilt.

Emotion caught her then, striking hard and fast, catching her off guard. Quickly she turned her back, hiding once more from him, this man she hadn't known existed a handful of days ago, closing eyes now filled with tears as a sob caught in her throat.

Gods she hated this. The dam she had carefully built around her emotions with iron control was beginning to crack under the genuine care of this near stranger. He barely knew her…had done more for her than even a dedicated good humanitarian would…and he felt guilt at not doing more. Coldness, callousness such as that of the bandaged sergeant she was immune to and in some perverse way actually made her stronger, more determined. But compassion? From a man who not only owed her nothing, but had been hurt trying to help her? She had no protections against that.

"Rel, I'm so sorry." The guilt was thicker this time and mingled with misery. "I own it, it was totally my fault he got away. I went charging in there like an idiot…"

The dam broke and the pent up emotion of a year of loneliness, a year of fear and exile burst free and Rel cried.

"Shit—don't please." James placed his hands on her shoulders with hesitation as if he were not sure he should be in the same room, let alone touching her. "I'm _sorry_. Look, I'll ask Shepard for a leave of absence…"

She turned at his touch, burying her face against his broad chest as the sobs wracked her frame. Dimly she heard the soft rumble of his voice trying to soothe her, a comfort that only caused the stress and pain to pour out harder.

She wasn't sure how much time passed before she was able to gain control of herself. Gradually she became more aware of the strong fingers running up and down her spine, the strong warm chest beneath her cheek and the steady beat of his heart under her ear.

Disgust filled her at her loss of control, at her blotchy eyes and the snot dripping from her nose. She pulled back and found a tissue held right in front of her nose, just waiting for her to use.

"I am so sorry." She managed after doing her best to wipe herself up. "I am not usually such a complete mess."

"I figure you been holding that one in a long time." James said with sympathy offering her a fresh tissue.

"That doesn't quite mean I should dump it on you." Rel said trying to persevere through her humiliation. She wasn't quite up to meeting his eyes though, keeping her own carefully turned away.

"Hey, friends do for each other." James lifted her chin to look at her.

Inhaling deep, she found strength in his steady compassion and smiled. "Yes. They do." She steadied herself further with another breath and then gazed at him intently. "James, I won't have you feeling guilty for not getting Rankin. That wasn't why I…fell apart."

He grimaced. "If I'd taken backup or even just gotten C-Sec to run a check on the place—"

"You shut down another Cerberus operation, one no one was even aware of until you found it. You saved a lot of innocents from going through what I went through, many of whom might not have been able to resist. That is no small victory." Rel wished her face wasn't a wreck so he could read the sincerity there without being put off entirely. "James, you have done so much for me."

"I didn't get Rankin for you." She could all but hear the dismissal of his other achievements in his voice, as if he felt what he had done was no less than what anyone else would have.

"You fed me. You showed me by action alone that I could still trust those who wore the same uniform I once did." She looked down at the casual navy blue she wore. "You reminded me I was a soldier, James."

"A strong, proud soldier." He confirmed with a solid nod at her.

"You gave me something I needed more than vengeance, James." Her voice caught again but this time she forced the emotion back, containing it. "You gave me my honor back." She pressed the palm of her hand flat on his chest, covering his dog tags and felt his heart beat.

"Naw." James shook his head. "You always had your honor, Rel. It's what kept you going when others would have laid down and died. I just reminded you it was there."

A soft smile curved her lips. "Thank you. That means more to me than Rankin's head."

"Oh, I plan on getting you that, too." He said with a cocky grin. "Shepard had a contact of hers give us more information about Sanctuary. More not-good info. She wants to know firsthand what's going on there. We're scheduled to fly out on the Normandy in six hours."

Satisfaction settled in grim pleasure on her face. "Good. Burn that place to the ground for me, James."

"I'll even take vid as it goes." James laughed, his expression saying he couldn't wait. "Once I finish that op, we'll come back here and I'll kick it into gear hunting for Rankin again." There was a simple, emphatic promise in his tone that Rel didn't doubt. "Maybe by then you'll be up to joining us on the Normandy."

"I would like that." She said, her expression holding a guarded hope. "I would like that very much." Her fingers began stroking over the taunt muscle of his chest, her body focusing on other matters while she tried to maintain at least the façade of conversation. "You'll finally be able to see my brown eyes."

She could tell he felt it too, this charge between them. The almost visceral awareness of their bodies that she was very much interested in exploring further.

James swallowed hard. "Yeah, chiflada, that'd be great."

He was resisting, poor foolish man, she thought as a wicked smiled curved her mouth. James swallowed again, his body rigid with tension as her touch became more daring.

"It doesn't do to be overly vain." She brushed her thumb over his left nipple and was immediately rewarded with an almost soundless inhale from him. "My eyes, however, were most definitely one of my better features." Her voice grew husky.

"Please stop." He asked, a strangled sound to the plea.

Curious, Rel looked up at him, never stopping her slow, sensuous caress. "Why?"

"Because when you touch me I get confused." He answered in frank tones, his expression a tormented blend of want and denial.

Her brow narrowed slightly. "Why?" She asked again. "The evidence is rather strong that you wouldn't mind taking this further and I…would like to see more of you tremble at my touch."

"Because I'm in love with another woman."He stated in bald tones and still didn't step back from her tormenting exploration of his wide chest.

Rel made a low sound of comprehension. "I see." She murmured and didn't pull away. "A curious kind of love that is so easily…distracted."

"That's the part that's confusing." He managed as a shudder worked down his spine.

Rel stilled her movement. "I could insist." The words were soft, the temptation to see just how far she could push him was winning the war in her soul. "A stroke here. A lick there. A sharp bite followed by a gentle suck."

"_Rel!_" Her name was strangled from deep in his throat.

"So easily could I make you mine." She whispered and closed her lids over her cybernetic eyes.

Her hand fell away from him and he stifled the jerking move to pull her back.

"But I learned a rather bitter lesson as a teenager that just because I can bring a man to his knees and make him beg doesn't mean I should." She stepped away from him. "Forgive me, James. It's a poor friend who repays good will with pain."

He took her hand, as if he had to have some contact with her even as the confused struggle on his face grew and mixed with misery.

"I…it's just…_dammit!_" He snarled the word.

Rel gave him a gentle smile. "James, I will not hurt you. Not after all you've done for me." She laid a soft palm against his cheek.

"Part of me wants to run the risk." He said leaning into that touch.

"Then I will be the one who says no." But even as she spoke the words she hesitated and then, with a final, determined breath, pulled away from his warmth and crossed the small room placing as much space between them as was possible. "I have a favor to ask of you, before you go." She said stopping near her desk and the glittering tags that lay on it.

"Rel…" James' voice was thick with pain and confusion.

"There is only a 63% chance that I will survive the surgery." She picked up the tags and watched them spin before her. "It is a risk I am more than willing to take and I believe I've mentioned before that I don't fear death."

The tags flew from her fingers and hovered in the air before him.

"You reminded me of why I chose the Alliance. Of why I honored the uniform." Rel turned and faced him, her expression full of gratitude. "You made me see that I was not weak and without honor as a soldier simply for having fallen into enemy hands and you helped me come home."

James lifted a large hand, palm up and the tags slowly lowered into his possession.

"Until the indoctrination is gone I will not wear them and should I die…I would like a friend to remember me. To raise a glass in my name and toast my memory with pride." Rel's smile was serene. "I would like you to be that friend, James."

He took a minute, swallowing down hard on the almost visible need to fight for her, to protect her. Only this wasn't his fight, something they both knew. There were no targets for him to eliminate, no ground to retake. There was just a surgery that would free her, one way or the other. He couldn't even stay if he wanted to, couldn't watch over as a silent guard during the battle for her freedom from the voices in her head, the explosives evil men had planted in her.

"I would be honored, Rel." He said and clenched his fist around the tags.

Relief sighed from her and she favored him with a brilliant smile. "Thank you, James."

"Rel…" He tried again, and she could see the struggle come over him as he tried to verbalize whatever thoughts were in his head.

"I can guess who the woman is you love." Rel took pity on him and sat elegantly in the chair before her desk, making very certain with her body language that all trace of her need for him was carefully contained and hidden. "I suppose if I must lose to a rival I can hardly claim you chose poorly. After all, how many times has she saved the galaxy now?"

"She thinks of me like a brother." James said with misery.

A delicate eyebrow arched. "Then she's an idiot as I suspected." The proclamation was idle as Rel shifted slightly to the side, her knees together in a very relaxed but prim pose. "But again I can't claim that you have poor taste…particularly since part of you most definitely wants me."

He crossed the room in two steps, surprising her. The hand holding her tags took her chin and lifted as his mouth came down, hot and hard, furious and forlorn on her own. He tasted wonderful, the last little part of her capable of coherent thought managed to comprehend even as he sank deeper into her, as if a part of him wanted a memory that would last them both, punish them both, for the choice she wouldn't force on him. Rel answered, willing and open and made very certain her hands clutched at the cloth of her pants. If she gave into the hot temptation to stroke her way across his hard chest once more, to rip and shove the thin fabric of his tee from its offensive position blocking her long fingers from the warm skin, from the sure and profound knowledge of how her flesh felt on his, if she did not stay strong against the parts of them that wanted so much, then all choice would be left behind and they would both lose.

He made the most minor of shifts, pulling back, sucking in a much needed breath and she let him even as she mourned the loss of his kiss.

"Survive, Rel." He said against her lips and then took a final taste of her mouth. "Survive so I can give these back to you."

With that he pulled away from her. Determined he quickly turned his back to her and stalked out the open door.

Rel watched him go and felt her heart shatter into tiny, weeping pieces. For a long time she simply sat as she was, savoring the lingering flavor of him on her tongue, remembering the hard muscle of his chest beneath her fingers.

Slowly she gained control and inhaled deep and long, settling her grief as best she could. A wry smile finally touched her lips and she shook her head.

"Rache Shepard, you are a bitch." Rel pronounced before rising to her feet, resolving then and there that she would live through the surgery tomorrow simply so some day she would have the satisfaction of saying that to that woman's face.


	19. Chapter 19

He stared down at the dog tags cradled in the wide palm of his hand, his thoughts on the woman who owned them. He'd wanted to be there after her surgery, to make sure all was still going well, but their mission to Sanctuary had been side tracked by one of Hackett's special request missions throwing everything off his schedule. She'd had the surgery while they'd been cleaning out a communications hub full of Cerberus soldiers.

Shepard needed him to watch her back. She depended on him. And really, Rel was just a friend who was going through a rough time right now and could use whatever support was given to her. There was nothing serious there.

So why couldn't he get her out of his thoughts? Not her recovery from the surgery, either, though part of him was definitely concerned. No, it was her kiss that haunted him. How good her mouth under his had tasted. How touching her and being touched back had felt so good he woke in the night reaching for more.

But he loved Rache.

Didn't he?

That was the question barging around in his thoughts that he'd been trying to figure out, when the memory of Rel's soft, silken skin wasn't playing havoc with him.

"I fucking hate this planet." The dulcet tones of his beloved screeched across the shuttle bay drawing his attention. "Nothing good has ever happened to me on Horizon."

"You've been there once before." Kaidan answered with easy going patience. "That's hardly a good test sample."

Rache made a snorting noise. "I got my ass dumped on Horizon. Something you have good reason to remember, Alenko."

"We were on a break."

"Your idea of a break is to not tell me we're on a break?" She challenged back as she opened the weapons locker and pulled out her favorite assault rifle and back up pistol.

"I tried to tell you we were on a break but apparently the afterlife doesn't take messages." Kaidan's voice turned ironic. "Of course, if you hadn't been so inept as to get killed in the first place, we wouldn't have been on a break, would we?"

"Hah!" Rache made a scoffing noise. "You can address that with that asshole in the pilot's seat."

"Uh, Joker would prefer to be left out of this squabble." The voice of the pilot in question came over the com.

"I don't squabble." Rache snapped back. "And I hate Horizon."

James watched as she expertly broke apart her pistol, turning a critical eye to the chamber and firing mechanisms. She was poetry in motion as she ejected and cleaned and rebuilt the weapon, all with the ease of someone who had repeated the gestures so many times she could do it with her eyes closed.

James looked down at the dog tags in his hands and wondered if Rel's new eyes would cause her any trouble or if the transition would be seamless. Rel definitely deserved the break.

"Yo, Vega, you coming?" Rache demanded, her voice cracking across the bay. "Or do you want an asari strippergram to sing you an invitation?"

Almost without thinking James lifted the tags about his neck, locking the clasp and tucking her tags under his t-shirt. There was something…right about the way his tags lay on hers, separated only by the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

"Everything okay, James?" Kaidan's question was asked as he joined the larger man, helping him slide into his body armor. "Did you hear from Rel?"

James nodded unaware of the grin that curved his lips. "Yeah. Surgery went well, she said. They're monitoring her now to make sure the integration of her new eyes goes smoothly. She doesn't like being blind most of the time, though. They won't let her take off her bandages for anything other than the doctor's follow-up exams to give them time to rest and heal."

Kaidan grinned. "Good. Did she send you a picture of what her new eyes looked like after the surgery?"

"Naw." James shook his head. "She said she doesn't want to show me her brown eyes until she can treat me to lunch on the Citadel. She said you cleared the way for her to access her funds and back pay and now she's determined to buy me dinner."

"Tell her she might need to take a loan out first. I've seen you pack a meal away." Kaidan chuckled.

"Please tell me you ladies are done gossiping and we can get on with the killing of people I don't like on a planet I hate." Rache snapped the last of her assault rifle together, glaring at the men.

"She's in a mood." James muttered making sure his voice was low and his mouth hidden from her line of sight.

"Yes. I call it breathing." Kaidan said and laughed at the thermal clip that bounced off his back from her direction. "James…you need to know something before she—"

"If you aren't in the shuttle in five minutes, I'm leaving you." Rache called out stomping toward the open door of the Kodiak.

Kaidan tossed a glare her direction. "Yes, mom." He answered before turning back to James. "She said yes, James. To being my wife."

James clipped his utility belt on, taking the time needed to absorb that comment.

"I didn't want you to hear about it anywhere else." Kaidan continued.

"I'm not kiddin…" Came the yell from the depths of the kodiak.

"Button it, Rache! We'll be there in a minute." Kaidan called out to her. "Lieutenant Cortez, do not get on that shuttle until I tell you to." The pilot gave him a pleading look that Kaidan ignored.

"You're sure you want to?" James asked with a bit of humor, shoving his confused thoughts away.

"At the moment, no." Kaidan tossed another glare in Rache's general direction before sighing and running fingers through his hair. "She's feeling the pressure right now. Anderson told her how much every little victory she has means to those fighting back on earth and it kind of blew her mind. She's not sure how to react so she's chosen bitch-mode as a cover until she gets it straightened out in her head how she feels about it."

"Hunh." James grunted the noise looked toward the shuttle. "I just thought she was being her usual self."

"You did not just give my man orders and tell me to shut up." Rache appeared in the shuttle door, glaring.

"I outrank you, Rache." Kaidan called back. "Give us a minute."

"It's because we're in orbit around Horizon, isn't it?" She challenged him. "You turn into an asshole on this planet. I _told_ you this planet sucks."

James laughed. "Don't sweat it, Major. I'm good."

Kaidan gave his face a careful study. "You are, aren't you?" The words were curious.

"I don't think I love her the way she needs to be loved." James said slowly, as if the concept were taking root in his own thoughts. "That ain't a bad thing…just, she needs more and I don't think I know how to give it to her. You do. I think that's why she chose you. Because you're strong enough to love who she is and not want her to be something she isn't."

"Right now I'm sort of wishing she were meek and mild." Kaidan gave a heavy sigh laden with humor.

"But then she wouldn't be Commander Shepard." James said, his eyes on the woman standing in the shuttle doorway, weight to one hip, foot tapping and a pissed look on her face. "You love her through all of her bad times. Me…I don't know." He rubbed the strip of hair on his head, his gaze in the distance. "I just don't know."

"It doesn't have to be figured out right now, James." Kaidan clapped a hand on his shoulder. "And if I keep stalling to show Rache she can't order me around I'm going to be sleeping down here in the shuttle bay instead of the captain's cabin."

James laughed. "You gettin' soft, Major?"

"Hell, no." Kaidan grinned at him. "I've just learned to appreciate the comforts when they're offered and contrary to her current crankiness, Rache is a comfort."

James considered that thought as he grabbed his own weapons and jumped on the shuttle just behind a very relieved Cortez. He'd never thought of Rache as a comfort. He's thought of her as strong and confident. Even now he really couldn't see her as comforting, though when he thought about it, she had tried to comfort him at least once before and failed miserably at the attempt.

He had a feeling she didn't fail with the Major.

"I really hate this planet." Rache muttered rocking where she stood as the shuttle left the Normandy's fields shuddering slightly at the disturbance.

"Rache, shut up." Kaidan said with a sigh before pulling her down on his lap, his mouth silencing the outraged retort she had on the tip of her tongue.

James laughed quietly, as the couple curved toward each other until watching became voyeurism and he turned away. His fingers rose, touching the spot on his armor that lay just above his tags and hers and he wondered if her brown eyes looked anything like his or if they were completely different.

* * *

"Wake up, Lieutenant Jamison."

Rel snapped out of sleep, her heart racing as she comprehended the hiss in her ear. She tried to open her eyes, to look around only to recall that she was in the hospital and her head was still bandaged.

"Who's there?" She asked, her tension ratcheting up.

"Doctor Traynit." Came the low answer. "You need to be quiet and trust me. We have to get you out of here."

"Why?" Rel demanded, her fingers already moving to the bandages on her head. She didn't care how well she could see, if something was going on, she needed her eyes to deal with it.

The fact her doctor didn't argue with her told her it was serious indeed.

"We've received orders from the Alliance that you're to be taken under guard to a hospital under control of the Alliance military. They claim you're a security threat. They will allow human doctors to continue working on you after they have determined that you are not a Cerberus spy." The salarian's fingers began making quick work of her bandages. "Both Doctor Verthin and I argued strenuously that you could not be moved but they have armed guards and are insisting."

"Spectre Alenko told them to back off." Rel said and was proud of the fact her voice didn't tremble.

"When Doctor Verthin brought that up the answer was that you are an Alliance soldier and a Spectre has no business dictating where you go. They said we were allowed to complain about it to Humanity's Representative on the Council."

"Who is dead and has yet to be replaced." Rel's voice hardened. "Once Spectre Alenko finds out about this, he's going to raise hell."

"I believe the Alliance thinks that once they have you in their custody they can stonewall Spectre Alenko. I, for one, have little confidence in any military regarding what is best for one of my patients. Particularly a military that believes you somehow voluntarily allowed a rogue terrorist organization to plant explosives in your eye sockets." The salarian had an ironic tone in his voice. "Close your eyes. The lights are already out, leaving the lighting dim so you should be able to adjust quickly. Okay, open them."

The room was dim with a glow from the hallway the main source of light. She blinked and felt one level of tension fade from her shoulders as her eyes focused, not quite as sharp and detailed as her Cerberus eyes had been, but they were _her_ eyes she was seeing out of.

"Will I have to fight my way out?" Rel asked cursing the fact she'd surrendered her sword.

"This is a hospital, Lieutenant Jamison!" Doctor Traynit was outraged. "There will be no fighting. You're going to walk out the front door, by yourself while Doctor Verthin and I distract the Alliance soldiers. I have a turian colleague who is currently stationed in the refugee section who has agreed to hide you while continuing your follow-up exams."

"What about my follow-up surgeries?" Rel demanded. Most of the noise the voices made was gone, muted, but there was still a connection, she could tell. Maybe not active, but even just having it there was more than she wanted.

"We'll reschedule once Spectre Alenko has returned and taken control of your welfare." Traynit told her. "Dress, please. And hurry! Doctor Verthin can only stall them so long. I am certain that once C-Sec arrives we will be forced to turn you over."

The clothing was nondescript, something you would expect to find on any refugee on the docks and Rel slid into them as quickly as possible. The boots were a bit big, but she wasn't going to complain, not when the doctors were taking a huge risk helping her.

"Are you going to get into trouble for this?" Rel frowned at her doctor. She liked the slender salarian and his dry sense of wit.

"For you escaping?" Traynit gave a short laugh. "I guess I will be embarrassed at having so quickly been proven wrong about you being a security threat. There is little they can do to me even if they suspect. After all, the salarian representative of the Council is still alive and well. And a distant cousin."

Rel laughed softly at that as the doctor opened the door and looked out into the hall. He motioned for her to come forward and then pointed to the exit on the far side of the room.

"Go to the refugee docks. Look for a turian doctor name Vidionius. He is expecting you and will make sure you're healing. Once Spectre Alenko has returned and resumed authority, we'll continue your procedures here in Huerta." He gave her a smile and then very deliberately turned his back on her, sedately walking away.

Rel didn't linger. She used a confident walk, not running or seemingly hurried, just a stride that said she was on her way to some place she needed to be after leaving someplace she had a right to be in. No alarms were raised, no shouts and as she approached the door, she began to relax.

The door opened and showed several C-Sec officers following an older human with a lined face full of stoic experience.

"Excuse me." Rel said stepping to the side to let them pass, forcing herself not to duck her head, settling instead for a very annoyed, very distracted expression, as if they were in her way.

The man in front paused, studying her, as a faint smile touched his lips. "Lieutenant Jamison." He said with a nod. "I believe the elevator is still available if you hurry." He nodded his head at her and continued on her way.

"I'm sorry?" She said without thinking, stunned.

"Hurry along, Lieutenant. Oh, and tell Spectres Alenko and Shepard that Captain Bailey gives his regards." He didn't look back.

Rel closed her mouth and moved decidedly faster.

* * *

"What did I tell you? Hunh? What? I hate that fucking planet!"

Kaidan spared Rache an impatient glare as he settled her on the floor of their shuttle and folded back the tear in her armor near her waist, studying the wound. "Looks painful." He said in deliberately droll tones meant to irritate her. "Guess this is what happens when you don't duck away from bad guys quick enough, Rache."

James grinned as Rache's response took a decidedly profane, but descriptive, tone. The Major was acting nonchalant, as if the wound were no more than Rache deserved for being so careless as to be outflanked by two brutes and a banshee in close quarters where moving was hard and a single hit could kill. As if the Major hadn't sent the world spinning with one of the most brilliant biotic displays Vega had ever seen trying to protect her. Kaidan had tossed a brute on top of the banshee all while a secondary barrier had risen over Rache's prone form, protecting her until he could reach her side.

James hadn't even been aware that a biotic could do two complicated moves like that without pausing for a rest and the Major made it look easy. All with his face white with fear at the blood pouring from Rache's side.

That was when comprehension had settled over James, there, right in the middle of chaos and bullets and screaming nightmares, right there the confusion had lifted. Covering them as Rache writhed in pain and Kaidan slapped medgel on her wound healing the worst, James had realized that if the Commander died, he'd survive. It'd hurt, yeah. But he'd survive it. He was pretty sure that the Major couldn't say the same. If Rache were to die something in the Major would break in a permanent way, something important.

That didn't mean what James felt for the Commander wasn't real…it was just different. And not what Rache needed. She needed Kaidan's quiet, steadiness. She needed his temper, too, to match her own just as Kaidan needed her anger, her fierce stubbornness to challenge his tendency to hide behind rules and regulations.

They…fit. Yeah, it was weird and twisted in some ways, but it was there. They balanced each other. When one was down and wounded, by combat, by life, by whatever, the other would be strong and supportive until they were both ready to stand again, side by side.

James would never have that with Rache, that balance. Hell, he hadn't even known it existed and now that he did…he wanted it.

Just not with her.

Without really intending to, James pulled the dog tags that weren't his from beneath the collar of his t-shirt and out over the top of his armor. He wasn't sure what he felt for Rel, but he knew he wanted more. He wanted…no, _needed_ to know just how strong this thing between them was.

"We headed to the Citadel now, ma'am?" James asked and then winced as she waved a bloody and obscene finger in his direction. "Sorry, Lola. You need something for the pain? A boot to chew on?"

"She'll be fine once the medgel seals the last of the damage. It was deep." Kaidan said with satisfaction before picking her up off the floor, then sat down on the nearby bench with her settled on his lap.

"Miranda put a tracer on that emo asshole, Kai Leng." Rache leaned against Kaidan's chest. "It should take us right back to the Illusive Man and I will not let that trail get cold. We'll head back to the Normandy and we will find them both. I will take every bit of intel that bastard stole from me on Thessia, we'll find the catalyst and I will wipe Cerberus from my radar forever."

James frowned, torn. He wanted to see Rel. He wanted to finish this war with the reapers and they needed the catalyst for that. He wanted…

"You tell me what you need, Commander." James stiffened his spine, his eyes narrowing with determination. "We'll finish this."

"Good. Hackett will want to know we're hitting the Illusive Man's headquarters. We'll need backup since I doubt they're going to let us waltz up to the door and sing carols." Rache's pallor was fading and her green eyes were beginning to burn with determination. "We're close. I know it! I can feel it. We can beat the reapers and finish this. We will break them so there are no more cycles. No more mass slaughter."

He believed her. This was the passion, the commitment that had drawn him to her in the first place. The utter determination to fight and to win because no other option was even comprehensible to her.

This was why a galaxy had united under Commander Shepard. Why old grievances had either been set aside or smashed through until there was nothing left but to follow because even those who hated her believed she could save them.

"Yes, ma'am." James gave a sharp nod, all but saluting.

He would back the commander, here, now and until the end, until the fight was done and the only thing left was peace and celebration.

Peace, celebration and Rel.

* * *

Her head hurt.

Rel winced, rubbing her eyes as she blended in with the milling groups of desperate refugees on the docks with nowhere to go and no way to get there. It wasn't her eyes that hurt, the new integration had worked like a charm and Doctor Vidionius was very pleased with the healing to the point of telling her that if she were in Huerta they could schedule the next battery of surgeries to get the rest of the Cerberus tech out of her head.

The tech that was giving her a headache.

It was not as bad as when she'd been on Omega and the Cerberus operatives had been broadcasting, but it was similar. She wasn't hearing voices, hadn't since the operation that had removed the explosive cybernetic eyes from her skull and replaced them with her own DNA set. But she had a headache, an itch at the back of her skull that wouldn't go away telling her something was coming, something bad.

Or maybe it was already here…

Stunned Rel watched Garrett Rankin weave his way through the crowd before her, heading toward the elevators and the security station just outside them. He was surrounded by Cerberus guards, obviously armed and it didn't appear that being caught by C-Sec was a big concern of his.

Or maybe they'd already committed to fighting their way through them, Rel comprehended as she watched the guards begin to reach for their weapons.

"VES!" She screamed the name of the turian on duty as she raced forward, drawing the attention of everyone within the sound of her voice. "Cerberus!"

Garrett Rankin smiled at her.

She didn't have her sword anymore, but she still had the memories, the impression of how to fight hand to hand, how to twist and turn her body to be where the enemy didn't expect her to be, and she used those skills now, reveling for the first time in skills she hadn't properly earned.

The guard circled about Rankin, weapons drawn even as the doctor shouted at them to make sure they didn't kill her…an order that incensed Rel like no other. She picked up the nearest one in a biotic lift, trying to send him crashing into the Physician but the effort failed. No matter how much her diet had increased in the last couple of weeks, between the months of starvation before that and the surgery, she still wasn't anywhere near her peak.

So this would be physical. She could do physical. They'd trained her, after all.

Ves leaped over the security station counter, guns in each hand. He hesitated when a panicked and screaming refugee, trying to get free of the obvious firefight, ran right into his line of sight. A Cerberus guard with no concept of protect and serve raised his own SMG, taking aim at C-Sec officer, just as Rel kicked the back of his knee with her left foot and brought him to his knees. Ves took his shot, killing the man even as Rel moved closer to Rankin.

"You're a fool!" The Physician shouted at her. "We've won! We've secured the dominance of humanity forever!"

Rel smashed her fist into the throat of another guard bending him coughing before she rammed his head against the nearest wall, using his own weight to make bones snap in his neck. "You think this is about Cerberus?" She asked with a laugh, stalking toward him. "This is about taking innocent people and using them as disposable weapons. This is about you murdering thousands of people even though their bodies are still up and moving!" Another guard came from her left only to be shot down by one of Ves' fellow C-sec officers, an asari with a pissed look on her dark indigo face.

"You don't know what's coming!" Rankin spat at her. "You don't know who is already here to greet them! They will bow before Cerberus!"

"In the immortal words of James Vega…you're nuckin' futs." Rel stated with grim satisfaction as she finally reached him, finally had her hands on the man who had inspired some of her worst nightmares. The man who had left her searching for sanity. "I really wish I had my sword, but I'll make do. I'm resourceful that way." She drew back a hand, ready to punch the life from the worm before her…and barely knocked aside the sword slashing toward her neck.

A woman with neon blue cybernetic eyes gazed at Rel with a blank, emotionless face, pulling her sword up to a ready point.

Rel shoved Rankin to the ground as she stripped off her jacket and began wrapping it around her right forearm, a bulky formless buffer. "Hello, sister." She greeted, ignoring the catch in her throat. "Shall we?" The invitation came as the phantom was already moving, quick and silent as death, sword arcing down.

Rel dodged the slice, going into the splits so quickly it surprised her even as she reacted by reaching out with both hands, grabbing the phantom's ankles and jerking them forward, sending her crashing to the ground. Placing her palms flat on the ground, Rel then pushed up until her legs slid together and were firm under her again, ready to fight.

The pissed off asari slammed a heavy boot into the phantom's head putting an end to further combat in that direction.

"Thank you." Rel said politely even as she took several steps forward and relieved the fallen phantom of her sword. "Watch the eyes. They tend to blow up when a Cerberus agent is captured."

"I know. Took out a couple of my partners with one of them before we learned." The asari C-Sec officer growled.

Warning given, Rel turned her back and moved toward Rankin, who was still sitting on the ground where she'd thrown him.

"They're here." The Physician told her, his eyes looking out past her, up toward the bright, sunshine filled false sky of the Citadel ward arms. "I can feel them in my head."

"We just lost all communications!" Ves called out joining Rel. "Must be another Cerberus coup!"

The dull thud in Rel's head intensified as a shadow began to blot out the fake sky.

"It's not Cerberus." She said quietly staring at the dull armor filling the windows. "It's the reapers."

* * *

**Epilogue: The Final Battle**

James checked his gear a final time making sure everything was where it needed to be and secure. There was a hum in the air, a buzz, not so much of excitement but of resolution.

This was it. The moment. The push toward a final victory that would turn the tide in their favor or seal their defeat.

He looked up from his weapon to the Citadel hanging so large and foreign in the night sky, the massive ward arms closed and sealed preventing anyone who had been on there from getting off and any who would rescue them from getting on. If they were still alive. There had been no communication, no word, no hope of any survival since the Reapers had moved the large station to Earth's orbit.

Motion caught the corner of his eye, distracting him and he turned in time to watch Rache walk into Kaidan's arms, his hands at her waist, his lips speaking too soft to hear. Words that made her smile before raising her fingers and brushing them over his lower lip.

That didn't hurt anymore, James mused. Watching the bond between the Commander and the Major, the love. Before he'd wanted to rip them apart, force Rache to see him not as a brother but as a man, someone worthy of her affection. Now he was glad they had each other. Had this moment.

Because there was a good chance one of them wasn't coming back.

James scowled at the thought and made a vow, one he intended to commit fully to. If it were in his power, his skill, he would keep them both alive even if it meant giving up his own. They had earned that. They deserved a victory and he figured he knew both of them well enough that if one fell, the other would never truly call victory against the reapers a win.

Besides…someone much stronger than he was had taught him not to fear death.

James gaze rose to the Citadel once more as his fingers rested on the thick bulk of his armor where his dog tags and a set that weren't his lay together, warm against his chest, hidden from all eyes, even his, but a comfort nonetheless.

He would have liked to have seen her brown eyes.

* * *

**A/N:** This is where I admit I goofed and lets you know why I usually resist posting story arcs until they're completely finished. I finished my ending of ME3, Rache and Kaidan's ending, within two weeks of the game coming out. At the time I hadn't really intended to write more of their story because the game really soured me. Because I hadn't intended to, I went back and forth over whether or not to post my ending and just call it done. I posted the ending...but I didn't call it done. You can blame chaos715 who sent me a PM and started a friendship. She has loved Rache and Kaidan from the very beginning and wanted to know what happened next. And it turns out Rache and Kaidan wanted more. More time, more story, more fulfilling of a story arc. And then there was James, the underdog. The unexpected character I thought I wouldn't like and the more I wrote him, the more I did because there was so much more to him. The triangle between him and Rache and Kaidan was too interesting not to see through and because I liked his character, because I wanted to see him grow beyond Rache, the character of Jirel Jamison was born.

Jirel Jamison who does not exist in my posted ending of ME3.

This is my ending of **A Renegade's Choice**, there will be no more chapters. The events at the end of this chapter flow very naturally into **A Renegade's Resolve** and I am content with that flow. I hope you enjoyed Rache and Kaidan's version of ME3 events, I know I did.


End file.
